Let's see. It's Sunday, and you say it's also Christmas Eve? Well, then, what better time than now to kick off a few days blasphemous holiday fun! Yeah, it's gonna get dark, and weird, and quite possibly grossly offensive, but WTF . . . right?

I know, I know, you're probably looking at the title - Nailed By Christ - and groaning as loud as I did when I first came across it in my holiday search (although you may not quite be salivating a much). The thing is, this is a tricky little read, a short story that really opens on a tender note before getting weirdly erotic.

Jason Canteen seduces us into the story with the introduction of a devastatingly sad young man. He makes us feel this young man's pain, and share in his sorrow. When Jesus appears in the church, it seems truly miraculous, and you start to wonder if you got tricked into some deceptively-titled Christian tract all about love and shit. Seriously, it's like seeing some hunky dude come knocking at your door, smiling at you with those perfect teeth, only to shove a pamphlet in your face, instead of what you're really craving.

Anyway, now that I've adjusted myself, that's when Jesus strips down, grabs his impressive manhood, and proudly declares, “I call it the Son of God!” Now we're talking. The young man immediately drop to his knees, like I was so close to doing for that hunky dude at the front door, and opens wide, bathing in the blinding light of pleasure until the Holy Spirit fills his mouth. Those are the author's words, not mine, but I really like it. Follow that up with some anal sex in the baptismal pool, where the young man wields a very different kind of spear with which to impale Jesus, complete with a delicious golden shower finale (which would normally gross me out, but is hot as hell here), and now we're firmly into WTF territory.

Hold onto your crucifixes though, boys and girls, because we ain't done yet! Speaking of hot as hell, no sooner does the young man step outside the church, and he finds himself in the hands of the Devil. I was just about to lose interest at that point, but it turns out the sexy chick has a tiny penis of her own, which means I'm suddenly very interested. She is nasty, coarse, and sexually aggressive, spewing the kind of kinky pillow talk that made even me blush. "Choke me" and "Rape me" and "Hit me" is what she demand of her little bitch, although once again he's on the wrong end of things, at least as far as my fantasies are concerned. Their sex is raw, rough, and brutal, in direct contrast to the golden pleasures of Jesus, but the natinesss makes it way hotter.

Even then, we ain't quite done, as there's one final act to go, with some holy revelations that have been done before, but which are still fun to consider. Nailing Christ would have been a better title for this, especially since I had sexy bottom expectations, but it still made my Sinday.



Kindle: 14 pages
Published: Mau 5, 2015
Published by: JC Workshop