I need new green shoes.

I suppose I have a lot of shoes, but not green flat ones. I have six pairs of sneakers; all but one are stuffed somewhere between the entryway and my bedroom. The sixth pair were split up weeks ago. The left Reebok ended up in the rubbish after I squashed a spider with it. Couldn’t wear it after that – it was tainted.

I need new Reeboks.

I own ten pairs of ugs. The most expensive ones are a gold pair with cashmere lining. They cost me $300.00. I’ve never worn them. My favourite pair are my hot Pink Zebra Print. I ruined them walking in mud. I should donate them to charity. I would miss them, though.

I need new Hot Pink Zebra print ugs.

Most of my leather boots are animal print. I have seven pairs of leopard print. One pair of thigh-highs have pointy toes and laces that go all they way up. I don’t suppose I really needed them. I have a pair snake skin thigh-highs that used to shimmer in the light of street lamps when I walked. It looked like I had a pair of diamond pythons coiling their way up my legs. They’re ruined now. The jealous bitch that lived next door tried to steal them from me while I was sleeping. She didn’t know I was a light sleeper. A busted jaw and six broken teeth layer, she knew alright.

I need a new pair of snake skin thigh-highs.

I do have lots of flats with snake print on them, but it’s not the same. I’ve lost count of how many suede pairs I own. The best ones were my green Dina Fellinis. Miniature strings of pearls lined the backs. I bought them a week before I left my last place. They were $250.00. The police made me leave so hastily that I stepped into a dirty puddle. I didn’t take them off until after I moved in here.

I can still see the muddy prints on the cardboard.