Shared Christmas: how to explain it to children
Christmas holidays are sometimes a real headache: organizations of parties, lunches, dinners, gifts, etc., in addition to that more and more couples are separated or divorced before this date, so there are also that distribute the visitation regime. Christmas Eve with mom and New Year’s Eve with dad? And with whom do we spend the day of the Three Kings? In most cases an agreement is reached on the custody of the Children, whether shared or not, which includes how parties and holidays should be distributed, that is, what day they will spend with each parent and thus avoid conflicts arise.
What is the best way to make this distribution so that it affects children as little as possible? According to Roberto Antón, psychologist of Vithas Salud Fisium of Pontevedra, there is no suitable way for this situation, but the most positive for the minors would be one that resembled the previous one . “That is, if children spent Christmas Eve with their maternal grandparents, the logical thing would be to maintain a similar situation, and if the children in the mornings on vacation were with their father, the correct thing would be to keep it, or vice versa,” explains Anton.
Following the same line, Anton points out that it is preferable to reach an amicable agreementon this issue, especially if what is intended is that the minors are with one of the parents on a specific date.
When this is not the case, and there is a conflict in this procedure, a legal agreement is urged , that is, the court decides on the distribution . “The legal agreement facilitates decision-making, and should be the result of dialogue and consensus among the parties. Decision making must always be beneficial for the child and not for the parents, “says Anton. The division is global, dividing the period into two parts , one that goes from the last school day until the 29th or December 30th, and the second part, from that day until the day before starting the classes. new.
How to explain the situation
At the time of manifesting the facts to the child one must take into account a very important factor age or maturity. “We must expose it clearly and frankly, without detours, at the same time that it has to be a consensual and positive conversation . Understanding that children would like to see their parents together, but making them see that, on occasion, it is necessary to make difficult decisions for the good of all. It is also important to try to clarify all the doubts of children and especially work as a team, and not separately, “says the psychologist.
Parents must normalize the situation , the suffering that occurs as a result of the break. Therefore, it is advisable to try to encourage your child to have a good time and enjoy your vacation with the other family , as well as make them feel that the other parent is also nearby by phone calls to congratulate the dates or tell you what they have brought Santa Claus or the Magi.
It is also necessary to create a Christmas atmosphere at home , such as setting up the tree or the Bethlehem, and doing activities of these dates, such as cooking together a Christmas recipe or listening to Christmas carols, avoiding the feeling of emptiness and promoting the well-being of children .
The problem comes when all this is not fulfilled and the parents face for their own interests . “They use children as weapons to harm their rival. It is necessary that the discrepancies of adults be resolved in the field of adults and not involve the smallest, “advises Anton.
The main reason for conflict in these dates is usually the gifts . Parents compete to acquire the best gift for their children, which is a mistake, since children can become authentic manipulators. To avoid this situation, Anton recommends “consensus, dialogue and place the child in the first place; and avoiding buying their love with gifts “, concludes the psychologist.
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