I have been asked by a friend, who is a Filipina Woman, the following questions.
What attracts you to a woman?
As an American single man in my 40’s, I can say that my ideals of the “right” woman for me have changed over the years. I have become more mature, more caring and sensitive of the feelings of others and more aware of how my words and actions can affect the woman in my life. One of the results of this change has been that I find I am attracted to women in a different way now. Though the physical things that attract me are essentially the same, the personality type and lifestyle that I look for are different. When younger, I’m not sure anything besides looks mattered. Now, I look for a woman that seems to be happy with her life and shows it, is open and can hold a conversation as an adult, does not have a crazy and unmanageable life and can add something to my life and help make us better as a couple.
Define beauty. When do you consider a woman beautiful in your eyes?
Sometimes it is very easy to see a woman that looks beautiful. She is the type that most men and even other women find her attractive. Sometimes women that look so good on the eyes can lose appeal when they start to talk and you learn about them as people. Over time, they can become less beautiful. There are other times when I do not notice a woman right away. However, once we start to talk and I learn about her and if she is easy to talk to and laughs at my jokes and can make me laugh too, she suddenly becomes very attractive to me. This feeling of beauty and appreciation is different than the first type I described because it is based on more than just seeing a woman but learning about her. My feelings when this happen tend to become stronger and I appreciate her more. I will also think about her and miss her when she is not around. I will miss our laughing and talking.
How would you know if the woman you see is wife-material or good only for a short-term relationship?
For much of my adult life I did not try to think whether a woman was “wife material” or not. It never really mattered to me. For the most part my goal was to have fun together for as long as we could. I always assumed the Relationship would end at some point so I never really made a lot of effort to keep it going. My main problem was that I was never husband material. Being this way caused many relationships to end.
I try not to look for short term anymore. In order to have long term, I had to become more mature and understanding. I had to become willing to work on making a relationship last instead of willingly letting it end without trying to understand the woman and find out what I was doing to cause things to become bad. When I was younger I was never willing to look at my part in the relationship when it ended. I would not accept any blame or look at my behavior and treatment of the woman. I would just think “Oh well, I guess this is over.” There were times when probably an honest conversation and listening to her issues and feelings would have saved things but I was too immature and selfish to even try that.
I like to think I am different now and willing to do things that I would not do before.
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