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Ask Jay #13 – My Man Doesn’t Have a Job Should I Leave or Stay?


I have been dating my boyfriend for about 3 years and everything was great in the beginning. He was very successful in his career, had a great personality and seem to love me unconditionally. It seemed like he was the perfect guy for me until he got laid-off of from his job about a year ago. I was very understanding when he lost his and tried to encourage him to look for another one. However, in the industry he is in it is very competitive and before he got laid off he was making six figures so he doesn’t want to take less than that. He was offered a few jobs, but they weren’t willing to pay him the salary he wanted. Since we don’t live together I wasn’t as concerned at first that he didn’t have a job, because he treated me the same other than not being able buy me lavish gifts as he did in the past. Since he’s been laid-off he didn’t want to take me on dates as often that really bothered me, because I had no problem for paying for some dates because I understand that he’s not working right now and still has bills to pay. But he always refused because he feels that a woman shouldn’t pay for a man when they’re out together. However, it has now been a year since being he lost his job, and still doesn’t have another one. I’m starting to wonder will he ever get a job, and my friends and family have been getting in my head lately that I should leave him and find someone who ACTUALLY has a job. What should I do Jay I don’t want to leave him but I cannot continue to be with a man who doesn’t have a job.

– Anonymous


This is common question that many people face in relationships when the dynamic of the Relationship changes. It can be difficult to adjust to these changes, and in some cases, can be the cause the end of the relationship. You stated that “He was very successful in his career, had a great personality and seem to love me unconditionally.” Thus, indicating you don’t view him as successful anymore, because he is not working or because he doesn’t have the same amount of money that he once had? This is a key component in a relationship, because the way we view someone we’re in a relationship is vital. If we view them as unsuccessful and uncappable it can truly sway our love for them and cause us to have doubts in the relationship. Although I do understand financial stability is an important factor in any relationship. I would caution you though not to throw away a relationship solely based on an monetary issue. Especially since you stated that you ‘all don’t live together meaning that your finances aren’t currently combined.  However, I would suggest you should sit down and have a talk with him about how you feel about the whole situation. This will give you both a chance to resolve the issue at hand. Lastly, it can always get “sticky” when we start to listen too much to what are friends and family have to say about our relationship especially when it’s in a negative connotation. Therefore, you should be mindful of what they have to say, but always remember it’s still your decision.  In the end, if you feel like you’re at your breaking point end the relationship, but you should have conversation with him before you completely end things.

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Ask Jay #13 – My Man Doesn’t Have a Job Should I Leave or Stay?


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