I have been working for good many years now but there are times when I feel that my Competence Levels gets the better of me and somehow a feeling of Insecurity creeps in. I feel I have done it right using my acumen and judgment but in my subliminal consciousness there is this question of ‘Have I got it right?’
Times are changing fast and I would be delusional to believe that I can brush up my skills at the pace that would only make me superhuman. My boss definitely wants me to multi-task with MI4 Tom Cruise precision. So generally what I do, is I marinate on these thoughts for some time and consciously try and make the best of each situation.
I do believe that insecurity is good many times; it keeps me on my toes and pushes me to up my knowledge and competence levels. Maybe that is also the reason why I dislike over-confident individuals and have great respect for ones who are realistic about their abilities.
Having said that, I have been a victim of this ailment too in the past, where over confidence has landed me in a soup. Coming from a premier B school of the country, I felt that I could conquer the world as a fresh graduate and all of the remaining folks in my company were lesser mortals. I’ve always been street smart and the two years of grueling exposure in the B school turned my intellect into an upgraded version. Then came the hard part of learning or rather the unlearning process, and an enlightenment that there were multitude of people who were much more talented, smarter, brighter and definitely more confident than me. Humbleness replaced the arrogance. From being my own biggest fan I slowly turned into becoming my own critic but in a positive way.
This constant self-criticism was definitely not a joy ride. But what I always kept in mind was not to let this wave of self-criticism paralyze me. The bouts of insecurity that I would have only made me stronger, to push harder and to move out of my comfort zone.
There were no magic words or giant steps or amazing leaps of faith. I did and I still do struggle with my demons but then I’ve found my own way of making peace with them. I don’t run from it anymore; am more open to accepting my areas of improvement and generally am forthcoming to constructive criticism from others.
Insecurity makes me prepare for what is to come next. Its not that my mind is racing 24×7 but rather it helps me embrace what I can and cannot control and now I get to see the best version of my self, doing the best that I can giving me results that one would always hope for.