The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer.

A new relationship can be exhilarating and full of passion. However, you want to proceed with caution to avoid falling victim to Love bombing – a favored tactic of narcissists.

What is love bombing?

Love bombing is a form of emotional manipulation favored by narcissists. People use Love Bombing to gain power over you by showering you with affection and attention to lull you into a false sense of security. Love bombing is not exclusive to narcissists, but people heavily favor it with narcissistic tendencies and people with insecure attachment styles.

Love bombing can take on many forms. Some examples of love bombing include:

-Constantly complimenting you

-Grand gestures of romance

-Grand professions of love

-Frequent expensive gifts

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-Sending you extravagant gifts at work

-Buying a vacation for you suddenly

-Obsessive flattery

Love bombing can be tricky to spot because it looks so much like genuine love and affection – which is what we all want in a relationship. It reminds us of all those fairytales and rom-coms we watched and longed for growing up. However, love bombing is usually short-lived and will cease once they know they have you wrapped around their finger.

Is love bombing a red flag?

In most cases, yes. Why? Because love bombing is meant to break through your boundaries. The goal of love bombing is to make you feel like you need the Love Bomber – it’s like a drug. It would be best if you had that hit of affection – and they know it. So you’ll do anything to keep receiving that affection and attention. It’s a slippery slope when love bombing is on the menu.

Love bombing is all about control and creating dependency. It looks a lot like the relationship’s honeymoon phase – but multiplied by 1,000!

15 Warning Signs You Are Being Love-Bombed

While seeing a few of these does not mean you are being love bombed if your partner exhibits most of these signs – it might be time to examine your relationship. Trust your gut when feeling out the relationship.

Here are 15 signs to look out for when figuring out if you are love bombed by your partner.

#1: They constantly compliment you.

If your partner constantly tells you things like, “You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen,” or “You complete me.” “Life had no vibrancy until you came along….” or other overly romantic things like that, you might be a victim to love bombing.

Love bombers will constantly spout off overly romantic compliments in person or love text every day to shower you with affection.

A few compliments now and again are endearing, but if they are over the top and a regular occurrence, be on guard.

#2: They constantly give you gifts.

The goal of love bombing is to get you dependent on their attention and generosity. They do this by showering you with extravagant and expensive gifts. This is to make you feel indebted to the giver over time. If you start to behave in a way that displeases them, they can cease their generous gifts as a manipulation tactic to get you to fall back in line and behave appropriately for them.

The whole point of the gifts is to establish control over you. If you find your partner constantly giving you gifts, but they stop when you do something they don’t want you to do, you might be dealing with a love bomber.

#3: They want to move much faster than you in the relationship.

There are many rites of passage in a new relationship: saying “I love you” for the first time, meeting friends and family, moving in together, getting engaged, and so on.

However, if these are things your partner wants to do immediately despite you not wanting to, it’s a sign your partner is trying to get closer to you too fast.

Being comfortable with someone immediately is a good sign – but trying to force it is not.

If they attempt to sway you into moving quickly with extra affection, they are love bombing you.

#4: They demand all of your attention. 

The purpose of love bombing is to turn the attention they give you into attention for themselves. The gifts and attention they give you must be returned to them tenfold.

If this does not happen, criticism and manipulative behavior, such as gaslighting, are bound to occur.

#5: They shower you with PDA.

Similar to gift-giving – love bombers will shower you with displays of affection. This can be physically or over text, video, and phone calls. They will shower you with hugs, kisses, hand-holding, and all the cute things you would love in a partner.

Be warned – they expect you to worship them in exchange.

#6: They get upset over your boundaries.

The whole point of showering you with love and affection is to get you to let go of your boundaries. They will get upset if you hold steady and try to reinforce those boundaries.

#7: They will convince you you deserve better.

When this happens, your partner will put you on a pedestal. You will naturally shower them with affection in return when they do this.

However, when you are not reciprocating with enough attention to the love bomber, they will start to chip away at your other relationships by telling you that you deserve better than how they treat you so that you will put more into the person showering you with affection – the love bombing partner.

#8: They tell you what you want to hear.

Similar to saying nice things to you, a love bomber will manipulate the truth to tell you what you want to hear. This is so they can maintain some control over you to make sure they get the attention they want from you.

They have to control the narrative to keep you on their leash. A true partner will be open and honest with you – a love bomber will lie if needed to keep you focused on giving them affection and attention.

#9: When they buy you gifts, they ensure you know how expensive those gifts are.

We all love it when a partner buys us a gift just because. However, love bombers take this a step further. When love bombers buy gifts, they want you to feel indebted to them.

They will also make sure you know exactly how much they spent on you so they can quantify their investment. They want you to know how much they value you and expect a more significant investment from you in return.

#10: They will start gaslighting you when you fail to meet their expectations.

Here is where the narcissist shines brightest – gaslighting. Love bombers use this tactic to confuse you and make you doubt your perception of events.

Love bombers use gaslighting to guilt trip you into thinking you are not being attentive to their needs and make you double down on the affection you give them.

#11: You must do things exactly as they want you to.

They will go berserk if you don’t respond to a text immediately or answer their call. They will gaslight you, threaten to leave you, and try to convince you you don’t value or respect them.

You are expected to supply them with their sense of security and the affection they crave.

#12: You have to walk on eggshells around them. 

You know that your partner will freak out and overreact once you try to affirm your boundaries or do things differently. So you have learned to tread lightly out of fear of their reactions.

This feeling is common when dating a love bomber. You want to avoid the punishment of their reactions, so you concede to doing things their way – at least, they go back to love-bombing you.

#13: They will monopolize your time.

A love bomber wants you all to themself. So not only will they shower you with their attention and affection, but they will demand the same in return. If you start to pull away, they will make you feel guilty or angry that you made plans with someone other than them.

To appease the love bomber, you will cancel those plans. This is how they start to alienate you from family and friends to monopolize your time.

#14: They will introduce you to their inner circle early in the relationship. 

A love bomber may try to get you on the hook for them by convincing you the relationship is serious early on. The best way to do this is to introduce you to important people in their life early on. This includes their children, close friends, and family.

#15: They behave like a chameleon. 

This is one of the more manipulative behaviors in a love bomber’s arsenal. They will pretend to be someone they think you want to get you hooked on them.

They will pretend to like all the same things you do, dislike the same things you do, and do something to make you think they are a perfect match for you.

This is temporary and will fade once they feel they have you hooked. If you notice things they said or did months ago compared to now are inconsistent, you might have been conned by a love bomber.

What do you think? Have you noticed any of these signs in your current or past relationship? 

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