Early this morning before work, I took some time to get caught up on my Nayka News reading. I’ve been getting your newsletter for some time now and it’s always a pleasant surprise in my mailbox, a small little package of goodness like a bite of chocolate. I’ve been busy lately, so I had a few different messages from you to read this morning. First I read today’s message, in which you write about laughter in the face of what must seem like overwhelming sorrow. Then I read about your father who continued to love, even when his love wasn’t returned and I haven’t been able to get much work done since then.You write beautifully. But what I find most intriguing about what you have to say is that you write with assurance about the art of Love and the belief that love can truly change a life, enrich it, give it meaning. At the same time, you write so poignantly and honestly about your own personal search for love, all the scattered disappointments and muted disillusionments…
I have something I want to tell you.
My first intimation of love came from the birth of my daughter when I was 31 years old. I had never wanted to have a child. I had always thought that lov e was a fundamentally selfish thing, an exchange of value, an act of self-interest. Throughout my life, I never wanted children, because I thought they were nothing more than a burden, someone upon whom th e parent expends such energy only to have them grow up to resent you, right after they ask to borrow the car keys.
All of that changed for me when I somewhat inadvertently had a daughter of my own with my first wife. I was shocked to discover that she wasn’t selfish at all, that she truly loved me. She loved me much more than anyone can deserved to be loved. But what was most amazing to me was that I discovered that not only did she love me, but also that her love mattered to me. Her love changed me. My life was different, and would forever be different, simply because this little girl adored me. It made me want to be a better person; I somehow wanted to deserve the love she had so generously bestowed upon me as a consequence of the gentleness of her own heart.
Her mom and I got divorced when she was three, but around that time I read a book by Victor Frankl and he said that love doesn’t see a person as they are; rather love sees the person as what they are capable of becoming. I had felt so undeserving of my daughter’s love because of who I had been throughout my life, but that’s not what she was judging, that’s not the person she saw when she looked at me. She didn’t love me because of who I had been; she loved me because of who I could become. She saw in me my possibilities, things I had never seen myself, things I would have never believed about myself without the gift she had given me. That’s when I learned that love is a gift that creates possibilities.
Several years later I got remarried, reinvigorated by this new understanding of love, determined to love again, convinced of the power of love to change lives, to make our lives meaningful and joyful…but this morning I was sitting in front of my computer, separated from my second wife, feeling just a little foolish, trying to figure out how to tell my daughter that my second marriage was over. So when you told your story about being told to laugh in the face of your own personal loss, I understood exactly what you were talking about. I didn’t feel much like laughing, either.
Last year, my wife suggested we go to a couple’s seminar called something like How to get the love you want, and something about the title bothered me. I was reminded of this when you wrote that one should not go in to love for what someone else is going to do for us, complete for us, or last for us.
Between that and the story about your father, I was reminded that I won’t find love if I go out in search for the love I want. Love is a gift one gives away. Your father was giving the gift of love, even though it may not have been wanted or appreciated by those he gave it to. He understood that the real benefit of love comes not from being loved, but from loving. I realized this morningthat I haven’t lost a love, and this latest chapter in my life isn’t evidence of the failure of love. Love only fails if I stop loving. Love is lost only if I stop loving.
So, thank you. Today, you helped a perfect stranger and I wanted you to know
MarkThe sheer amount of content in your wonderful email “gift” speaks volumns about your willingness to create, give and elevate.
Having read/seen/wondered about your many expressions online simply magnifies the imagined and spirited and grateful connection to you…from my little spot in the universe.
The words of your father are similar to words I used late last night on the phone as the conversation was about the direction of loving energy. The gift in the giving, especially in moments that may not be quite “harmonious”, …….in confrontational or negative situations……replace the heat with some part of a loving protocol…….reverses all the negative buld up and at least allows one to not be entangled by the adrenaline laced or mind numbing effects of a non-graceful…non-loving…inconsiderate moment. It does not infer that one vacates or submits or concedes…it is quite the opposite…it is proavtive and graceful..Certainly, it is a strategy far more in keeping with the grace of femiine energy. For a man, and I am one…..the feats of “broil and battle” shade this graceful light. It seems almost part of the given, but then we journey and in that journey we find , hopefully those simple and incredible finds…..that craft enlightenment and love and the way. Your father’s words expressed all that in a very strong and simple way.
Pardon me for this ramble, it is a light hearted ramble and hopefully it is a gift to you……to support your mind, if I could I would massage your hands to be sure they continue their dance on the keyboards so that ever more fine words are made by them.
I hope this makes sense…
I am new to the meet-ups and have signed on to a few, looking forward to all of it, and certainly to stand and share the same light sometime…..with you.
I hope this finds you happy and well. From the sound of things, you are flourishing in Albany these days. I hope your trip to Tennessee was enjoyable. Have you been doing any writing? It’s been a while since your last long article. I look forward to your postings. It would be even better to see some of your work in print.
As usual I want to make sure I take a moment to thank you – not just for the tremendous difference you have made in my life, but for the work that you are doing for others. All any of us can hope for is to make the world better, one act at a time. I hope you realize how much you are contributing to the betterment of the planet.
My favorite relationship expert, David Deida, is doing a workshop in Lenox, MA, May 9-11. I hope you are encouraging people in your circle to go. I recently found an online source that sells over 30 hours of his recorded sessions on CD, and another that sells his DVD. Both are excellent resources for serious students. The CD set includes recordings from workshops, lectures and interviews. I have read all but two of his books, but find that the CDs are very helpful in concretizing both the basic, and more esoteric, concepts that he teaches. Do you have either of these resources? If not, I can make copies (for evaluation purposes) for you. Since mailing them to you would be a felony, I would have to hand them to you next time I see you. If you find them illuminating, I hope you will order them for your library.
. Please put her on your mailing list. Maybe you can help each other!I like to think that you would be proud of me as a student. I know we only had 2 lessons together, but the results have been truly astounding. One of my great regrets is that I spent much of our first lesson trying to figure out if you were the ‘real deal’ or just another Craig’s list sham. If I have never apologized to you for being a jerk in our first lesson, I do so now. I know it’s not necessary, but I feel better about it. Anyway, I have leveraged our sessions into an extensive library of books, videos, articles and recordings. Not only have I read and studied diligently, but I am also sharing these resources with others who are interested. I’m told that I’ve significantly changed several lives. And so it spreads, like ripples on the water.As for me, I have found a friend, lover and soul-mate. We are working on living out a ‘Stage III’ relationship. During intimacy, we typically connect through our 6th, 4th, 3rd, 2nd chakras, as well as through the eyes and genitals. We breathe through each other, and can feel sensation through one another. We are able to pass energy through one another with (sometimes literally) stunning results. We routinely experience energy orgasms. She has discovered the joys of squirting and extended massive orgasm as well. We also share a deep spiritual connection, and bring joy to one another on many levels. She is a very kind and loving soul. We are learning how to open our hearts, although we are struggling with the consequent vulnerability. ‘Vive le guerre!’ It gets better day by day. I wish that everyone has such a profoundly wonderful experience. I thank you for setting me on this path.
If you are coming to New Jersey or Pennsylvania soon, it would be very nice see you. I miss your light and radiance, which is something I will always remember with great affection. Our best chance for this week would be on Saturday or Sunday. We are attending the premier of “The Moses Code” on Saturday afternoon, but could meet you later. Call or text me on my cell phone, *******anytime.
I wish to deeply and sincerely thank you for our session yesterday. It was a great pleasure to meet you and I truly believe your expertise, knowledge and experience are exactly what I am seeking at this crucial point in my life. I also believe I need to understand myself better and relate that understanding to others and I realize this will only happen through discipline, practice, and time. Thank you also for your warm, welcoming, and extremely friendly manner/personality.
I immediately felt very comfortable in your presence. I appreciate your willingness to listen, ask relevant questions, and share with me during our initial conversation, and I stepped out of your front door after our session feeling calm, relaxed, yet wonderfully energized (I have not felt that in quite some time!).
I already know I am a good student and I am ready and eager to continue learning from you. It’s the people we choose/chance to meet who, through their own diversity of experiences, greatly enrich our lives and this serves to remind me of our purpose in the world. I believe I have made an excellent choice in you.
A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU TOO.
I hope that you will not regret asking, because I have been writing a lot.
Very concious of your own life situations and busy schedule, I have been waiting to be guided to the right time to say thank you, and demonstrate just how pivotal my being led to find you proved to be.
I thought that the right time was back in November, when I declared my autobiography finished. But either God, the Devil, or outrageous fortune decided that then was the very moment for my computer to crash with the disc saving the last chapter and appendices still inside.
Furtunately, my Daughter was able to visit quite soon to show me how to safely remove the disc, but she was then struck down with a very nasty bout of flu, which with other factors, delayed getting up and running on a new computer for some time.
2007 was an amazing year for me, being led to find wonderful confirmations of so much that God had revealed to me, but it was also terribly frustating knowing truths that can save terrible suffering and potentially disastrous wrong turns, with so few willing to take note and act sensibly. This is why my last Chapter (17) started off as “The Awful Truth”.
You will see, however, that God used you and Frank to guide me to even more amazing truth, that allowed me to insert “and Wonderful” in the title. Chapter 17 (attached) is very long, but to begin with you will find mention of you and Frank starting on page 262 (of the whole book). I have also attached Appendix 5 “Further thoughts on Sex”, which you may find interesting.
You will soon see that the essence of much that I am saying is so similar to the words from your new site, “to concentrate first on giving, and not getting.”
Please let me know if you have problems opening the attached files. One of the problems with my new computer is that it seems to be doing strange things to the fonts and page numberings of my Word documents, but I am gradually sorting that out.
When you have had time to take in all that I have said, including some dire warnings about climate change, future conflicts, and the possibillity of inappropriate response to alien presence, I should like to explore further with you the idea that female influence might just save us. You will see that I mention “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, which became an international best seller because Oprah Winfrey praised it. And she is now using her influence in a politics. I may be wrong, but I have to suspect that God may be leading me somewhere on this.
First, I hope you had an enjoyable party! I’m certain that whatever you prepared was exquisite and memorable. Second, I would like to thank you — although we have only met sporadically over the past few months, what you do has brought significant and noticeable improvements to my present life; Without your honesty, skill, and the fact that you seem to genuinely care about this human’s heart, such small transformations would be far fewer and far more more painful.
That being said, I am quite eager to further explore what may come in the future along this particular road of our making. You’re a fascinating individual, after all.
And very likely a good friend. We’l see :) And, as you know, “2008 will be great!,” quoth the Bard.
Have a restful and enjoyable holiday fortnight, and I’ll see you in January.
Take care until then!
I just received you latest news letter, and it prompted me to send you a reply/update from a month ago. I went looking for M Scott Peck’s book “The Road Less Traveled”, and ended up finding his more recent “The Road Less Traveled & Beyond”. I have begun reading it, and hope that the benefits of his writings will be as helpful with this book?
My attention was caught early on when I read the following:
“Thinking is difficult. Thinking is complex. And thinking is-more than anything else-a process, with a course or direction, a lapse of time, and a series of steps or stages that lead to some result.”
He went on to say that thinking is about not taking the easy way out of life. I realize that so much of what has been weighing me down lately, is the situations of life that have required me to ‘think’. Even if it hasn’t meant coming to a decision myself, just the effort of thinking is a choice I make, instead of ignoring situations and choosing not to think.
I enjoyed reading your email about Elvis and your infatuation, and would like to share my own ‘infatuation’ story. For me, growing up in Orlando and my father working at Disney, I loved everything about Disney. When they came out with a ‘New Mickey Mouse Club’ television show in 1976/77, I was hooked. Although they taped the show in California, they came one time to Florida to film a special, and my father got us ’employee only’ tickets to watch them tape the show…. childhood memories… priceless.
Jump forward to 2003 and the age of the internet. I stumbled across a web site dedicated to the show, and a few months later was able to attend a reunion being held by/for the ‘mouseketeers’ from the show. Members of the web site were invited, so I convinced my family that it was worth the trip for me to attend in California. The experience was surreal, meeting the people I’d looked up to and idolized some 25 years ago, realizing they are ‘just normal people’, but still finding a place in my mind to allow myself to be in awe of what I was doing. It was like a childhood dream of meeting someone famous finally coming true, mixed with the adult in you knowing it’s not that big a deal at this point. But I talked with a few others, and we realized the experience wasn’t about ‘meeting’ someone, but it was being able to express to someone that they had impacted your life, even if it was years prior.
And now Nayka, I’d like to thank you for the impact you are having on my life. I’m enjoying the opportunity to read your newsletters, and sensing someone is out there reading my thoughts, and caring, and… thinking…
Thank you. May you have a wonderful vacation…
I am not sure if you’ll get this but I felt compelled to write anyway. I feel compelled to write precisely because you don’t know me. I have never met you, have never written before, and have only been on your email list for about a month. And, in my experience, very often the best way to see yourself and your impact on others is through the eyes of a stranger.
First, a confession: Despite being on your email list for about the last month or so, I have done very little with the emails I receive from you. My general practice is to open them, skim them briefly, and before drop them of my mental list of things to do before quickly moving on to other business. After today, I will never do so again.
It is not often that the written word will inspire a physical reaction of any kind in me — in fact, with the possible exception of the anger and helplessness I’ll feel when reading about something horrible happening in the world, I can’t remember the last time I read anything that made me feel anything physical at all. I think part of it is my job (I’m a lawyer, and I am absolutely buried with boring, unemotional, and uninspiring documents virtually every day). But I think the larger answer as to why I frequently feel nothing from what I read comes in the form of the person that I have allowed myself to become — someone who, despite being fascinated by different ideas, stops pursuing them the moment they present opportunities to look inside of himself because he is petrified of what he might find. When I really think about it, its unsurprising that I rarely feel anything emotional or spiritual when I write: almost everything in my life has prepared me to be someone who is stoically unaffected by anything, let alone by the mere written word.
…which makes my experience of reading your “letter to God” all the more remarkable. Reading this email about how you are coming to terms with the passing of this woman who meant so much to you was one of the most physical experiences I have ever had reading anything. I don’t know how to phrase this without sounding horribly cliched, but I felt chills. I felt waves of heat roll through my body, followed by waves of cold, and as I write this I feel as if I am standing in huge freezer. The entire experience was very strange and is extremely difficult to put into words, but I feel infinitely wiser after reading your email, and the experience of gaining that wisdom was completely new to me. Virtually every single past act of learning has felt like someone taking a piece of knowledge out of their head and putting it into mine: “Here is X, now you simply must remember it.” Reading your email was a completely different experience. It was as if, instead of taking something out of your head and putting it into mine, you simply accessed a part of me that I did not knew existed and showed me that it was there all along.
So why am I writing all of this? I think it’s because the tone of your “Letter to God” struck me as one that was inherently apologetic. You seemed to be seeking forgiveness from God, and from those individuals you were going to meet with in London, for feeling like you need to deal with the
emotions that you are feeling first before you are able to help others. I will certainly not judge the merits of such an apology and suggest that it was unecessary — that is not why I write today, and I truly feel that if this apologycomports with what you are feeling, it is inherently legitimate and necessary. The reason I wanted to write today is to thank you for sending it…because, even if the purpose of the email was to apologize for not being able to help some, you have unquestionably helped others (as I assume I can’t be the only one) simply by writing it. It is truly amazing to me that you are able to touch people so deeply even when you are not intending to do so. I know that my spiritual journey has only just begun, but I cannot thank you enough for kickstarting it. And I find myself hoping that we will have the opportunity to meet someday, hopefully soon.
I am sorry for your loss, but remain incredibly inspired at the way you have been able to come to terms and make sense of it. Thank you so much for sharing.
The life of dakinis, gurus and the rest of us is remarkably the same. Random acts of craziness
infiltrate the periphery of our day to day life; crazed admirers, bike theft, and wierd media experience become slag for the cauldron, boiling inside the life of the aware and the surrendered. The greater our exposure to the public, the more our liability to the media and our fans. As our power increases, our risk increases. It is only because of our centeredness, that we can stay balanced and content
growth. Maintaining innocence while facing a devolving culture is not the work of the faint hearted. For some of us, it is a blessing that Nayka simply exists in the world and keeps dancing. Obsession would not quite be the right word for our relationship, it would be admiration
Some of us are even looking for way’s to increase our understanding of what brings pleasure not only to ourselves but to others. I believe you offer a glimpse of what might be and make it achievable for each of us. For this I applaud you and your work.You are a very interesting study in how one can transform themselves into what they want to become. We all are taking this journey at the same time and are blessed when we have an opportunity to meet another on the same journey.
Thank you for sharing yourself so generously with others. This is truly a gift worth sharing.
I am a retired soldier (but only 24 years old), and the entirety of the Iraq conflict took it’s toll on me. I was a yogini before I enlisted, and I knew quite a bit about the sacred state of ecstasy. whilst tantra was a skill I had yet to learn, I found myself able to… how should I put it? feel the drumbeat of the world, or the heartbeat of humanity, if you can excuse my waxing the poetic. yoga, not long after my deployment, was nothing more than a tool to keep me physically fit enough to harm others, and dance? dance was a forgotten series of steps. I will not bore you with the details, but between your articles and a few other factors, I have found my rhythm in the world again. like it or not, your words do indeed carry validation to those who hear them. this years, I take, has been trying for you, but, if nothing else, you managed to help me “get back in step” (pun intended) although we never actually met. bright blessings upon you tantrika, and well wishes for a better year. I guess the best way to summarize is with a simple namaste’ : the divinity in me does indeed respect the divinity in you.
Many thanks for our precious time together. You are an exquisite Dakini, a beautiful human being and someone that I appreciate so much.
It takes courage to allow a perfect stranger into your sacred space. I am so appreciative of your ability to give your love and advice in such a way as you do. It takes a lot of trust in yourself and others to have such a heartfelt way with people.
The massage/chakra balancing was not like anything that I had ever experience. My issues around personal power in giving/receiving love in relationships were stuck in fear and discouragement. Your ability to free up energy and open me up to change was powerful. I am hoping to see you some time soon.
Meanwhile, may all good things come your way.
I have been reading your newsletters for some time and feel so connected to you. I have also been wanting to experience a session with you. I will be in New York City July 14th – 18th, how far away is Albany? My touring schedule is really full right now, but I would like to make some time for me within that tour.
I am also very interested in your trip to India. Unfortunately I don’t think I will be home from my tour in time to go. I have been really touched by your messages about India and I would love to go and volunteer my time and energy to help in any way possible. I am also a massage therapist, healer and dakini. I will keep watch, maybe things will change for me. It could be possible that I fly out of LA and back to LA, it will depend upon how well my abundance is flowing ;) Either way, let me know if there is anything I could do to help in India or with the trip.
Keep doing the wonderful things you are creating for the world.
Namaste Nayka,Your letters are amoung the best literal descriptions of a personal journey to India I have read. Having never had the pleasure of meeting you (yet), I must admit I sometimes questioned your authenticity (which incidently I have no right to do).
I look forward to your letters, and find them genuine and unaffected. Your dreams are wonderful dreams, and I look forward to sharing some of these experiences in the future.
I was happy to see pictures of you as you exist in real space and not just those taken in a studio or posed by a photographer. By doing this, you displaced those images with real images and words that are truly YOU and beautiful in not only a physical sense, but in the essence of your true spiritual self.
I too have been inspired by “Brothels”. Because I have been on this earth much longer than you, I have had an opportunity to see and read lots of things which you may not have seen yet.
You are becoming a spokesperson for a sacred energy and you have it. By honestly sharing yourself with your friends and followers, you can accomplish important things.
Ram Dass has become a guru to millions and your style is beginning to resemble his. His most famous book was “Be here now”, however the ones which will touch you personally are “Grist for the Mill” and “The Only Dance There Is”
Continue to have the courage to be generous with your heart to all who listen, and thanks for sharing your journey with me.
I’m sure you hear this a lot from others but now I want to say it. You are an amazing woman!
I’ve meet you only once because I was traveling through the Washington DC area but have been receiving your emails ever since (and appreciate them).
Why I say you are an amazing woman is because you have so much energy and passion for yourself, your work, and the world around you. I truly love your emails and the information provided with such honest devotion.
It’s refreshing to know someone like you. I wish I could spend much more time with you and your work. I have been living in North Carolina for 7 years now but am orginally from upstate NY (Glens Falls). I was happy to see you move your home base to Albany. If you haven’t already, you must visit Glens Falls and the Lake George area – absolutely beautiful! If I get the chance to visit my hometown again, I’ll be sure to give you call and make an appointment.
While I have never had the chance to meet you I very much enjoy reading your newsletters. They are a wonderful “vacation” form the everyday “feelingless” interactions that permeate our busy lives. I find it very comforting to know that there is another world out there that seems more peaceful and complete. Until I started reading your letters, I’d thought of this world would be a wonderful destination, but believed it only to exist in my imagination. Maybe as Nirvana….a nice place if you could only get there. Your writing gives me the idea that it really exists.
I wish you only the best.
John, Binghampton, NY
I just wanted to say thank you for the newsletter you send out. I always enjoy reading it, but this time I just had to write and say thank you. I liked the html links you sent out on this one, the stories from Michael Smith were great as was the goddessfriends link. I just starting to read about tantra, someday soon I would like to attend one of your sessions, and I would like to continue on to become a tantra teacher. What would all of this entail? Right now I am a college student in my sophomore year working on a social work degree. I am an older student though, I decided to do other things before the college.
Have a Very Happy Valentine’s Day
Thank you again
Your explanation of what you do and what tantra is not, was wonderful. I must admit that I have been hesitant to openly communicate with you because I wasn’t quite sure of what your real intentions were. Your explanation was very clear and simple to undestand.
BobWhile we have never met, I sooo enjoy receiving your e-mails. Especially ones like this where you take the time to share some of your experiences of life with all of us. You are preforming a valued service to all walks of like.I continue to dream of the day we can meet.
I would like to thank you for the detailed information about tantric love provided on your site. Through this site I followed other links and discovered something about myself, and what I’m looking for, completely by accident. I have never engaged in tantra before but somehow I know that this is perfect for me. It is so rare for a person to discover such an important key to his identity just by surfing the internet; yet that is what just what has happened to me! For very long I have been unfulfilled in my love life and I always wondered why, especially since so much time has passed since the trully sexually repressive days of American history. So much seems to have changed but then why are we still unhappy as a recent study has found? I think capitalism has seeped into our culture and our minds more than we realize. Although this economic system has provided Americans with great economic prosperity, more or less, it has left something lacking. Indeed, I believe it has turned lovemaking into a consumerist transaction. The merging of souls that can occur during lovemaking has become a very basic act in which the only goal is to reach an orgasm in the most EFFICIENT and EASIEST way possible. I don’t think it is a coincidence that these words sound like an monetary transaction. Not to mention the fact that the woman’s orgasm or sexual pleasure is often overlooked nine times out of ten when sex does occur. It seems people are just interested in the quickie but for some reason they are left feeling like something is missing afterward. However this is not the case when tantra is incorporated into the relationship. Tantra has the ability to focus couples on each other’s pleasure in the physical, emotional, and spiritual realms. A sense of WHOLENESS is keenly after lovemaking and this feeling lasts. Would just like to thank you once again. Your internet site and your profession as a tantric goddess is making the world a better place one person at a time. I discovered it through Eros.com and now I see what the escorts on this site are lacking. Nayka, you belong in a league of your own. Please feel free to use any of this email in any way you feel fit. Maybe one day I will visit you so that you can teach me tantra. :)
Best wishes to a very beautiful woman with a beautiful spirit as well,