By African American Book Writer, Denise Turney

All types of relationships, face to face or a long distance Relationship, are freed when adults Love equally. Fear of rejection, fear of not being in control and especially fear of failure can be released from both people in a relationship when the union is centered on love. With love as the relationship cure, barriers that call for a relationship rescue are replaced with hope, trust, care, patience, joy and more love. Yet, for all of its rewards, love often has barriers to get through, which is a reason why getting to a good relationship requires patience.

Learning To Trust Again

Fact is, despite its benefits, love is viewed as weak by some people. This belief that love is weak presents a barrier, for sure, whether someone is seeking a friend or looking for marriage partner material. It starts in childhood. Pre-teens push their mothers away when they go to hug them. “Don’t baby me. Don’t make me soft,” are demands that some children make of their mothers, grandmothers and aunts. At first glance, it’s a sensible approach.

After all, the world isn’t going to baby, pamper or be soft on kids when they grow up. The world doesn’t coddle adults seeking relationship help with colleagues, couples therapy or marriage fitness. In fact, even while undergoing relationship counseling, the world can feel like one gigantic foe that won’t stop swinging.

Getting off of this mean merry-go-round starts with inner inspection. It calls for ongoing practice of self love for women and self love for men. And, it requires learning to trust again. Actions that help with learning to trust again include releasing the need to control and letting go of the need to know everything.

More About Learning To Trust Again

More actions that support learning to trust again efforts are practicing forgiveness, accepting reality and grieving the loss of previous relationships. This includes family, friend and romantic relationships. For example, to release a former relationship, you could write your inner self a letter. In this letter, express your love for yourself. Also, share how you will be patient with yourself as you adjust to life without this previous relationship.

You might even list specific ways that you will continue to work through grief. For instance, you might do three things a day that cause you to feel joy and peace. Listening to music that causes you to feel happiness and peace is one way. Meditating in an area that stirs peace within you and spending time in nature are other options. Additionally, you might stand in front of a mirror and say “I love you” to yourself three times in the morning and, again, three times at night. This is important. Because, believe it or not, loving yourself is key to any relationship rescue.

Even more, loving yourself is at the core of learning to trust again. And, it’s this lesson that can make a relationship good. Yet, there’s still the belief that love is weak. In fact, men still get teased for “being in love”.

Made to be Loved

But, anyone who really gets to know a man knows better than to believe that men don’t want deep love, affection and care. In fact, a survey reported in Reader’s Digest reports that men fall in love faster than women. When it comes to falling in love at first sight, men get hooked 48% compared to women, who fall in love at first sight 28% of the time.

Also, men who responded to the survey shared that it bothered them if their partner wasn’t romantic enough for them. Despite what some men may say and how loudly they voice it, men want and need love. The trouble is that some men are raised to be outwardly strong, tough. Some men are raised to be emotionally cold, allowed to only express anger and excitement.

If men are taught and programmed to avoid these feelings at all cost (least they be perceived as weak), they could go into conflict each time feelings that are labeled “bad,” “soft,” or “weak” surface. That alone could produce intense, confusing emotions.

The Art of Falling in Love

Yet, if humans are an expansion of love, it’s not possible to be satisfied with anything less than love. That’s why it’s so important, critical, that you love yourself. In fact, Self love is a start to the art of falling in love. So, before you seek a new relationship, work on the relationship that you have with yourself.

Practice self-awareness. Become aware of what you really want. Take smart risks. There may be no better way to learn that “nothing outside of you will make you happy”. This includes the image (or illusion) that you’ve created of your “perfect match”.

Therefore, in addition to Self love, the art of falling in love calls for failure. Along the way, you may have to invest in relationship counseling. You also might have to invest in psychotherapy to improve the relationship that you have with YOU. But, if we’re eternal beings, it’s an investment that you’re going to have to make eventually.

Why not now?

Love and Trust in Relationships

You may have figured out that succeeding at love is about much more than romance. Succeeding at love has to do with all of your relationships. And, the most powerful and influential of these love relationships has absolutely nothing to do with romance. Yet, this relationship has everything to do with love. It’s the relationship that you have with your parents.

Fortunately, even if this relationship was fractured or bruised, you can still experience love and trust in relationships. Start practicing self-awareness, take full responsibility for yourself and make choices that help you to release former relationships. Focus on doing what causes you to feel joy and peace. Make this a priority and you may develop a sharp emotional compass.

You could spot when someone is devaluing you. And, you may lose an attraction for people, including current and former lovers, who mistreat or abuse you. In fact, as you practice Self-awareness and Self love, you may stir up the inner confidence to make choices that attract more love to you. When this happens, you might share and expand love more.

Finding Real Love

If you believe that love is weak or that love is only real in a romantic form, you could spend a lifetime searching for love in frustration. Fact is, love is strong. It may be the only true strength. And, love is limitless. It’s not limited to romance.

So, if you really want to experience love, start by getting to know and loving your true Self. And, love every aspect of creation. It’s going to require forgiveness, as we all make mistakes. For sure, experiencing true love requires patience. But, if you’ve ever been loved before, you already know that it’s worth it.

Another thing, each relationship that you have impacts every other relationship that you have. Wishing you the strength of love everywhere you are, everywhere you go.

Love Pour Over Me

If you’re struggling to love yourself or if you think that love is weak, consider Raymond Clarke’s story. Raymond was told that love is for weak people. He was raised not to need anyone. But, Raymond didn’t create himself, anymore than you or I created ourselves. Raymond needs love. He just doesn’t know it yet.

And, can you imagine being told not to let something happen, then the thing keeps happening? Don’t want love. Also, don’t let anyone get close to you. Do so, and you could get hurt. You might feel like a failure every time you start opening up to another person, which could cause more conflict, more problems. This seesaw experience causes Raymond Clarke to create emotional, psychological and, later in his life, physical barriers, shutting out nearly everyone who tries to get close to him.

Fortunately, love doesn’t give up, proving that love truly is patient, forgiving and strong. Each of us has to open up to love, letting it flow through us. Everyone has to give and receive love. It’s our core. It’s what we are.

It takes Raymond years to accept love’s lessons. How long will you let it take you?

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now

Sources:

Barnes & Noble – http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/love-pour-over-me-denise-turney/1109600654

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