This started out as a Twitter post but because of the length the tweets can’t exceed, I thought I would expound on my thoughts… here.
Ever feel like you were put on this spinning rock for more than what you are doing right now? I want to help people or a cause or… something. There is an awakening inside of me, I am frustrated and confused because I don’t know what IT is yet and I am tired of being patient. *end Twitter post*
Lately I have been feeling like things I do just aren’t enough. Like holding a door open for someone or shaking a police officers hand because of who they are and what they do. I am lost, but not in the way you might think. I am sure we all go though these stages of “purpose.” Perhaps its all these things but… it feels so different than anything else I have experienced before it. It isn’t a feeling of belonging, it isn’t feeling disconnected, its like… seeing all the worlds problems, knowing that I can try to help but everything I do, every door I open, every hand shake… just isn’t enough. It will never be enough. I think I know what you’re thinking… I suffer from regret, or possibly a deep seated feeling of overall life failures and I am just grasping or blaming anything in reach… but… THIS is something I can control, for the most part. I have tried to live by the Do Good Things, Good Things Happen mentality but it just isn’t working. It good things happen, great. If they don’t, its ok… at least I know that I did good things.
I do know some things though. Its not for accolades. Its for smiles. Doesn’t have to be for me… just a Smile. The more smiles the better.
As I look back of the words that I typed thus far, I am still not happy. Its kind of how I have been feeling but its so much more, but should it be? It shouldn’t be this hard, should it? I mean, its a simple thought… be kind to people, help when you can, do your part. Smile.
Maybe these are just ramblings of a middle-aged-wanna-do-something-with-my-life-to-feel-adequate guy but man… this is just eating away at me.