2024-04-19 21:03
"He's Cuter in Person" (Circa 1986) What makes this even more delicious is that I ACTUALLY DID DO A LEPRECAUN SKIT for the McKenzie Variety Show. I even RESEARCHED the Irish… Read More
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We All Fall Down Blog
cindy-weallfalldown.blogspot.com
Raising a family out of the ruins of the past. Mothering and movies, grief and grace, books and blunders. Recovery without chicken soup.
2024-04-19 20:54
2024-03-31 21:35
So it's Thursday night, a beautiful beautiful spring night, clear and cool and I'm driving to an Ishtar, my first Ishtar, a celebration of community and Islam, to which I have been generousl… Read More
2024-03-30 21:49
The morning after…The morning after Dianne took me out for my 20th birthday, I woke up on her hard wooden dorm room floor to January sunlight flooding through the high arched gl… Read More
2024-02-20 23:36
Jesus Christ, I'm recognizing something.Bear with me and the intense emotions this realization is bringing up, please, dear friends, but my brothers and sisters in this situation with me hav… Read More
2024-02-20 23:27
Illinois at the Chicago Shakespeare Theater, a story told through dance and Sufjan Stevens’s immortal music from the album of the same name, is a BANGER. “Did you know… Read More
2023-10-09 17:02
I needed a ritual. More than a hug goodbye in the dorm vestibule. Better than a sob as we drove away. The girls had chosen hundred year old Illinois schools: Nora, the enormous state fl… Read More
2023-09-01 16:12
The morning after I slept with my friend, we went out to breakfast. We were bleary with lack of sleep and the coffee tasted good.He would call me once a few days later, with gentle con… Read More
2023-08-23 20:20
Randy and I drove Nora to Champaign last week to move into her dorm. It was time. She'd wrapped up her work at the fancy pizza place, she'd sifted and selected and packed her stuff, she'd… Read More
2023-05-12 13:37
By my second reading of Jonathan Frantzen's The Corrections, all the family complication fell away and the last line remained in my mind: "She was seventy-five and she was going to make some… Read More
2022-06-27 19:12
"Do you like the snow?" I asked the child with me."I like magic snow!" "Magic snow? What's that?" And as he described the scene to me, the images rolled out before my eyes."… Read More
2022-03-08 20:16
Last night at the Board Meeting, I ran into a librarian I respect and love. "You can't retire!" I said as we bumped forearms, that familiar COVID gesture that I won't stop using because… Read More
2022-02-26 20:01
When presented with incomplete information, we leap to conclusions.We are always presented with incomplete information.Family is everything. Family is culture, nurture, nature, determi… Read More
2021-12-28 23:51
I'm still reeling from the news of the shooting death of Child, a boy I've known for four years ever since he was fourteen in freshman English class. And thinking about Child, and feeli… Read More
2021-11-29 16:19
Oh, Child. I got the news this morning. Four children shot in at a gas station. (I need to change his name. I am changing his name. When the "17 year old male" in the headlin… Read More
2021-07-29 14:57
There was an earthquake. And a tornado. Literally. Not to worry, the natural disasters were not outside classtime, most of the kids I asked said they were sleeping during the afternoon 3.som… Read More
2021-03-23 14:05
4559 wordsNU Professor Fred Shafer: Allow narrator to have something like omniscience – except when she feels stumped about a motive or reaction.Notes: Ron the father is a… Read More
2020-11-01 12:23
So here's a string of Tweets I just posted.It's 5:45 over here in Central Standard Time and I'm up after I don't know, Daylight Savings effed me up, four? hours of sleep since we staye… Read More
2020-09-27 14:43
We watching Charlie Kaufman's I'm Thinking of Ending Things with the girls...actually that was after we had blown their minds with Being John Malkovich...actually, Nora might have stayed in… Read More
2020-09-12 14:35
I wrote once that the summer half of the year was when I wore sunglasses on my head all day every day and the winter half of the year was when I switched over to a warm stocking cap, a… Read More
2020-08-16 22:07
Had I time enough, I would write an Ingalls Wilder styled post about my beautiful commencement to summer when I drove down to Plainfield in June to pick wild asparagus with dear cousin Becky… Read More
2020-06-22 20:31
I am putting away the dishes as I sneak glances over at her working on the floor of the living room. The dishes I handle include pieces of her pottery, a cream colored spoon rest… Read More
2020-05-15 23:21
Doorbells.Quarters.A crisp new twenty.Elevator buttons.That pen on the chain attached to the clipboard at your doctor's office.Your doctor's office.Buffet line tongs.Mother's Day Brunch in t… Read More
2020-05-01 04:31
March 27, 2020Siri, Google "Etiquette tips for the children of murderers."April 1, 2020Nobody wants to hear the details of your dream. Nobody. Unless you have a two point set up and punchlin… Read More
2020-05-01 04:27
Thank you, black squirrel,for the glimpse of your quicksilver curves,your shiny coat and deft diggingin my planter box.You're eating the old bulbs I planted yesterdaybut pleasefeel my welcom… Read More
2020-04-15 19:36
We were all sitting there looking at each other and I said, "let's play a game! Grab the book nearest to you and..." And somebody else said, "Read the last three lines!"And Natalie had… Read More
2020-03-19 17:59
I'm going down to the greyhound stationGonna get a ticket to rideGonna find that lady with 2 or 3 kidsAnd sit down by her sideAnd ride until the sun comes up and down around me about 2 or 3… Read More
2020-02-08 16:22
Center yourself. Breathe and say, "May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you be at ease."Again, now sending the intention to someone you love.Again, sending the intentio… Read More
2020-01-20 19:33
Randy Mia Nora Ruthie Caroline Maggie Chloe Brad Ian Ron Nancy Grandma Seraponas Work Family Working with Teenagers Being Their Mom Lattes hot English Breakfast tea with milk the way the mil… Read More
2020-01-20 19:25
I saw a Mem'ry -- when we wed --The Trembling in the RoomWas like the Trembling in your Hands --Before that Time -- we knew --Our Friends all gathered -- smiled with JoyBut Thirst was growin… Read More
2020-01-20 19:03
Reading stories of the girls when they were younger and yesterdayWatching Nora's unconscious smile when she dancesFollowing her orders to sit still and not dance when she dancesDancingPlayin… Read More
2020-01-20 18:50
I promise myselfI will spend part of every day with my legs up on the wall. And if I break the promise, i will think about it.Why do we write & teach & celebrate & enjoy resoluti… Read More
2020-01-20 18:47
The jagged cut, now pink and shiny, on the back of my calfThe long slice, curved like the moon, over my hipThe indentation on my upper left thigh from a fall on the concrete front stepThe ro… Read More
2020-01-20 18:41
Sunday morningBaja Beans farmer's market, live music, chocolate cake, gamesSunday afternoonPescadero Surf BreakMondayLas Palmas BeachHike to Lobos/Meet driving people thereEvening/dinner at… Read More
2020-01-01 05:53
What a year. Damn.Spring. I was all, "I want to enjoy what time we have left." I'd been offered summer school. Ruth was dying. I started taking Zoloft.Summer. We lose Ruth, then the next mon… Read More
2019-11-16 19:25
You need to hear every single word of Chanel Miller's powerful poem at #GlamourWOTY Awards. pic.twitter.com/aAr7GkQbSr— Glamour (@glamourmag) November 12, 2019 I don’t gi… Read More
2019-11-01 02:42
Ten years ago today I went to a kids' Halloween party with the girls, all three of us in costume, only to find that I was the only parent to dress up. And yet, Facebook memory reminds me, "m… Read More
2019-10-01 02:44
2019-08-20 00:23
Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine by Gail HoneymanMy rating: 3 of 5 starsStarts out strange and wonderful as a comedy about a child abuse and rape victim, abruptly shifts in the second hal… Read More
2019-08-19 00:17
Can I just tell you three, no, four more things about summer school? It was such a revitalizing experience -- I hope you get those days of work when you are so in the flow that when the last… Read More
2019-08-13 00:45
I am Cindy Fey. Ruth Dupree was the older sister of my father Ron Fey, and she and her husband Phil and Jeanne and Jan opened their hearts and their home and took in me and my brothers… Read More
2019-08-04 19:43
Student Photo Analysis Essays plus Color Purple Character Chart. Larry Fishburne as Swain was a class fav in the movie."Irony" was our word of the day most days and the strange or funny reve… Read More
2019-08-03 23:10
These are the things I try: Things I tried before Sertraline:Square my shoulders. Lift them up, them press them back, arch my back.Deep breath. Try blowing out longer than the inhale.Pull up… Read More
2019-07-31 01:38
I dreamed about her the second night after she left us. She was working on a quilt, a child-sized quilt, fashioned of beautiful jewel colors and complicated floral and vine patterns. The edg… Read More
2019-06-30 22:58
"IF YOU LIKE MAKE-IN LOVE AT MI-ID-NIGHT!" she squeals from the other room and I can't believe she knows that song!Another Nora post but I can't help it, I can't help my mourning because tha… Read More
2019-05-31 18:33
Randy's Mother's Day gift to me was family matinee tickets to the Lyric Opera's West Side Story, a full production with 40 piece orchestra and exquisitely sung leads. Thank you, dear Randy… Read More
2019-05-01 00:54
I'll be teaching three weeks of summer school in July. Juniors. Not the kids who want to cram in a required course so they can open up their fall schedule for more electives, no, this will b… Read More
2019-03-24 21:38
The world was kind to me yesterday, and understanding. Randy took the girls downtown for the night; they went to Comic Con and saw Us on opening weekend -- they had to sit in the front row b… Read More
2019-03-24 03:47
The fiftieth anniversary of my parents' deaths is this week. They had been married 10 years and one month. I want to remember and honor, but the wedding album is not exactly where I can go t… Read More
2019-03-19 03:16
It's a sad season; the sixtieth anniversary of my parents' wedding was last month and the fiftieth anniversary of their deaths is this week. I find solace where I can, so an internet meme… Read More
2019-03-16 17:24
Brandi Carlile visiting women at the Washington Corrections Center as part of her Looking Out Foundation, performing her utterly real and beautiful poem, "The Mother." The women in the audie… Read More
2019-02-26 21:25
"She thought of her mother, and while thinking of her mother she seemed to hear her mother's voice, saying: Honey if you need help, ask for help, you're not alone in the world, you sweet lit… Read More
2019-02-01 03:10
You know that moment when the french fry that you lost an hour ago in the car while driving the little 'un to an appointment and you've got to feed the kids every day, right? Even though you… Read More
2019-02-01 03:08
Bunco night for the Ronald McDonald House with AimeeAnderson Japanese Garden with Christina the last week of MayTake Mia for college visits to Madison, Ann Arbor, East Lansing, Champaign Bak… Read More
2019-01-01 16:24
Over lunch with Uncle Sid earlier in the fall, such a relief to be able to talk about Aunt Ruth and how hard my visit was in September. He said he had been talking with his son about the who… Read More
2018-12-01 04:05
Depression can cause confusion and confusion is depressing but the which of the two that leads the way makes all the difference. I can overcome the November dive, spring always proves it. Bu… Read More
2018-11-01 01:43
Sometimes the time machine appears, magically, without my even calling for it and I am so grateful.Yesterday the cell phone said I was running out of voicemail space, I didn't even know I… Read More
2018-09-01 15:56
The Saugatuck rental house, the first of two on our August vacation, overlooked a broad expanse of Kalamazoo River wetland and had an outdoor shower on its north side. The morning was overca… Read More
2018-08-01 03:19
Stitch. Poke the needle through the fabric, pull the floss taut to the knot. Wrap the thread around the needle three times. Hold the end tight, but gentle, gentle! Pull, pull the thread th… Read More
2018-06-22 17:18
Something I learned from making Blue Apron recipes: Add salt and pepper at every step when you add a new ingredient. It adds so much more flavor than just tossing in a little dash and grind… Read More
2018-05-30 15:42
My oldest turned thirteen but that was two whole years ago and then I turned around and my little Nora suddenly had turned into a teenager too.A long time ago the middle school teacher whose… Read More
2018-04-30 02:24
An awful year. Monstrous Trump, his legions and all their damage and disasters. Randy's mother died in October. Aunt Ruth in the hospital twice. My brother Ron lost his job in California l… Read More
2018-03-16 20:49
I make meatloaf. I recite hymns. Five days back in my Kansas City childhood home to care for Aunt Ruth and I am transported back and forward, beyond the vegetarian and secular truths of my c… Read More
2018-02-22 01:12
Photo from Eyes As Big As Plates Crows greet me on still mornings. My favorite bird stays aloof on windy days but will break a silent dawn with dear intelligent calls. They roost on the dead… Read More
2018-02-01 04:19
If Season One of the Netflix series The Crown explored the question of how a vibrant young woman like Elizabeth Windsor could willingly revert into the emotionless cipher required of the con… Read More
2017-12-30 21:54
She was a stray after all. A stray not only in its plantation meaning—orphaned, with no one to look after her—but in every other sphere as well. Somewhere, years ago, she had s… Read More
2017-12-01 01:44
You know that song you hate? That overplayed pop hit? That cloying twangy country ballad? That golden oldie that makes your cringe? That song is somebody's truth Read More
2017-10-29 19:57
(Posting in September was impossible. The girls had a tough beginning to 7th and 9th grades and I've been running a low grade fever of depression since November 8, 2016. But Friday aft… Read More
2017-09-01 02:52
Let this temporary dross burn away in the crucible of time, leaving only the precious behind: enduring love, timeless art, radical compassion, persistent gentleness and these happy memories… Read More
2017-07-30 20:56
Here are my beloved maternal grandmother and her sister Julia, off on another adventure. The sisters called each other "Mimi" and "Jule." This July 11 was the 110th anniversary of Julia's bi… Read More
2017-06-29 23:49
Remember the weeks of shock after 9/11 when we felt like we were living in a disaster movie? The fireball images on TV looked like the work of computer graphics and that fiction was easier f… Read More
2017-05-15 04:14
Aunt Susan, me and Aunt RuthMia and Aunt JoanNo one can replace your mother, but you can be loved and mothered by many. People commonly use the village metaphor, but the baker in me prefers… Read More
2017-04-30 19:22
I must must must tell you a story about our Reading class where the freshmen have been struggling with Romeo and Juliet for the last few weeks. The text grows more and more beautiful every t… Read More
2017-04-01 01:22
Travel with little kids is a different animal than travel a few years later and while you're grateful for the ease of what has loosened up, you can bear what's harder by knowing these are yh… Read More
2017-03-01 05:11
Not an Oscars post; I'm not so fleet nor confident a writer to be able yet to wrap my head and typing fingers around the awful conundrum of Manchester by the Sea. "Love the art, hate th… Read More
2017-02-01 04:22
I turned 52 this month, this awful month when we said goodbye to our dear President and his beautiful family and now watch in horror the awful baseness that follows.All the complicated feels… Read More
2016-12-27 22:39
I won't condemn the entire year; there was much joy and progress and good work and a delicious week with my grand-niece Caroline in Philadelphia and a blissful hiking trip to Bryce Canyon. B… Read More
2016-11-19 02:41
At the National Council of Teachers of English conference and feeling the best it's been since the election. Not that it will get better, not unless we make it though to the other side of th… Read More
2016-11-01 00:02
How magical is a tiny lit candle within the bowl of a carved out squash? Who thought of this strange and beautiful custom? And what a blessed tradition to send your children to your neighbor… Read More
2016-09-24 20:33
Sense something big happening in New York.Overhear your young coworkers raving from the other side of the partition.Watch a clip on Facebook of the slight Latino man free-styling with Mr. Ob… Read More
2016-08-06 17:54
Sunday, July 3, 2016Last night, no, it was Friday night after dinner (warm artichoke dip and chips as appreciated appetizers when we arrived back at camp after our hike, then around the long… Read More
2016-08-01 03:56
"Take my picture.""Okay, but you have to set up the shot," because I want her to recognize the difference between too much headroom and just enough and the importance of faces rather than bo… Read More
2016-06-21 23:35
The longest days of the year and we're near enough to the solstice to feel the light again, to feel the energy that floods me this time of year, wakes me curious and ready at dawn, makes eve… Read More
2015-09-29 22:50
1. Mia at peace, our first morning in Saugatuck. Before breakfast (we would drive through the rain to find gooey rolls from Kismet Bakery and farm stand peaches) we climbed down the si… Read More
2015-08-24 00:20
Here's a story that I performed this week on stage at Second City Sunday Morning Stories. The audience was awesome and gave me a really nice reception although I was a little shook because I… Read More
2015-07-30 23:41
I took my old paperback copy of Peter Matthiessen's The Snow Leopard with me to California, my go-to book in times of stress and trouble and yes, joy, too. Its account of mountain trekking… Read More
2015-06-29 17:42
It's June, the month when light-filled hours flood us with fizzy serene energy, the month that answers the question I ask every May: "How on earth could spring get any more lovely?"Father's… Read More
2015-05-01 03:50
The girl sat on a tiny wooden platform thirty feet over our heads, her feet dangling in space, her hands gripping the edge as if she was in mortal peril.Over the last forty minutes, she had… Read More
2015-03-24 23:48
Two hours to curtain, my hair in curlers, still need to glob on my stage makeup and cross off handfuls of other nagging to-do tasks, why on earth am I reading a book about the Lusitania? You… Read More
2015-03-01 23:32
So excited and grateful for a happy lucky coincy-dinks! I'm in the cast of TWO shows this spring!Listen to Your MotherA few weeks back I took some time out from our elementary school Variety… Read More
2015-02-21 15:38
So much acting! All the acting! Read More
2015-02-17 19:35
Thirty miles north of Boston, a tiny fishing town with the poetic name Manchester-by-the-Sea clings to the rocky coastline of Cape Ann. After graduate school in Iowa, I lived there with a wr… Read More
2015-01-27 04:39
I love January. Sweep away the Christmas sweets; break out the citrus and kale. Clear out the mess of tinsel and enjoy the bare tree for one last day. Back to the gym, back to feeling clea… Read More
2015-01-02 03:47
I love a happy accident so when I turned on the car radio today on the way to the forest preserve and heard Edith Piaf's "Je ne regrette rien" I had to smile because "No regrets" was the res… Read More
2014-12-30 17:01
Happy New Year! Here are the melodies we're humming as we say goodbye to 2014.In October American Idol star Casey Abrams came back to Nora's little elementary school, where he attended as a… Read More
2014-12-01 03:27
My favorite holiday, all about food and family and friends and fun, the one day a year I drink some sweet white wine and then some more, no worries because all we're doing today is cooking a… Read More
2014-10-09 01:35
There's a beautiful video circulating the web, one of many, about the dangers of too much technology. Standing in front of a dramatic sunset, a poet warns us that "Technology has made us mor… Read More
2014-10-08 02:54
Because she had a bad day. Because sixth grade can be rough sometimes. Because I sang this song to her when it first came out and she would turn away and roll her eyes but that was more for… Read More
2014-09-29 19:48
Dinner.Oy vey, the bane of this Mom's existence. I do love to cook. And bake! And even grocery shopping doesn't bother me, but under pressure? Every night? Five o'clock rolls around, the kid… Read More
2014-08-21 04:35
My friend Julia was wondering via Facebook how to celebrate the last summer of her forties and a friend replied, "Make a list of 49 little things you want to do before summer ends."What a gr… Read More
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