2022-09-20 19:11
For those of you who are great listeners, the audiobook version of my first book, Living of Natural Causes, can be found here: https://amzn.to/3IORmhS And if you ever need any kind of voic… Read More
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The Roving Retorter Blog
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My high school choir teacher once asked me when I'm finally going to do something with my voice. This is what I'm doing with it.
2022-02-28 18:04
A pre-order link for my first book, Living of Natural Causes (a humor-laced personal essay collection), can be found here: https://bit.ly/3htvVHn! Read More
2015-04-20 00:13
It's my dad's birthday month. My brother got him a luxury SUV. I got him two (general admission) tickets to see his longtime favorite musician perform live, with one of those tickets explici… Read More
2015-03-27 01:05
Once upon a time, immediately after moving into my current apartment, I told a mentor of mine that I was thinking about adopting a four-legged baby, most likely a cat. She was neither encour… Read More
2015-03-02 03:26
My airline wants to know how a recent flight I took went. One question on the survey asked: "What emotion best describes how you felt when your trip ended?" My options were: "Del… Read More
2015-02-13 01:13
I love a good competition. Or even a bad one. Spelling bees, backyard bocce ball matches, staring contests. I’m competitive with other people and competitive with myself, competitive b… Read More
2015-01-25 02:33
Who remembers this scene from The Sopranos?People keep doing this to me (currently re: my nice warm, pink, winter hat) and it’s infuriating. A swanky restaurant? I'll automatically tak… Read More
2015-01-10 02:34
It’s time to just come out and say it: I'm so good of a hostess (a skill I picked up after years of observing my mother in action) I sometimes wish I could have the opportunity of bein… Read More
2014-12-23 02:45
It’s crunch time. I’m only halfway done with my holiday shopping, and don’t particularly care. These are all just items and objects. This is the luxurious kind of stress. S… Read More
2014-12-16 03:33
My childhood/teenage asthma often led to an annual bout of bronchitis that kept me out of school for two weeks, mostly because I milked it for all it was worth. Nobody could lower her head i… Read More
2014-12-09 04:09
Although I rarely remember it’s there, when you walk into one grocery store in my neighborhood, the first thing you might notice is the Shoplifters Wall of Shame. Floor managers take a… Read More
2014-12-02 02:30
*The most down-to-earth New Yorkers live in Queens. Salt of the city.*I’m cut out for standing in the cold, glovelessly handing out free stuff to people who weren’t expecting it… Read More
2014-11-24 14:40
Walking through Central Park the other night, I was all but chased down (if you’re ever walking around, minding your own business, earbuds firmly in place, music at full volume, it gua… Read More
2014-11-18 04:01
Oh, how some people dress for the airports. On weekends. On overnight flights. Some aren’t doing more than dropping others off, dressed to kill, dressed to be seen, dressed for world d… Read More
2014-11-13 04:50
It happened again. I was in a public space, needing a few questions answered, and assumed the person I asked for help worked there, when it turned out she didn’t. I end up doing this t… Read More
2014-11-04 04:44
When we were children, my best friend and I co-founded a club devoted to Christmas. At its peak, there were a total of four members – the two of us and our little brothers. Meetings be… Read More
2014-10-29 23:47
Method of payment: Popsicles (flavors negotiable) and the privilege of blossoming under my tutelage.Benefits: See above.***An internal candidate has been identified but (promises of popsicle… Read More
2014-10-20 21:10
My reaction to finding out today is National Day on Writing: &nbs&hell…Read More
2014-10-13 23:20
Someone’s dog once jumped on my lap to kiss me and, before I could kiss back, sucker-jumped my ear, ripped out my earring, and ate it. All in less than 10 seconds. I wasn’t mad a… Read More
2014-10-06 19:00
So many times have I texted an acquaintance, only to receive nothing in return. Days or weeks or months later, when these acquaintances contact me about something completely unrelated, I con… Read More
2014-09-29 19:55
The late-afternoon/early-evening security guard who patrols the floors of my office has gotten me hooked on protein bars. I’m becoming a protein bar connoisseur and have started buying… Read More
2014-09-22 18:20
Some people who don’t live with their parents check in with their parents by phone every day. When there are no grandchildren or childcare situations in the picture. When no parties in… Read More
2014-09-15 20:25
After all these years, I thought I finally figured out who my upstairs neighbor is. But wrong person, mystery still unsolved, the suspense will neither kill me nor make me stronger. We keep… Read More
2014-09-09 03:50
*Join Facebook *Count carbs*Come down with seasonal allergies*Forgive a non-blood relative who has wronged me*Go back to wearing heels *Go back to Whole Foods*Go back to making the sign of t… Read More
2014-09-01 22:48
We all have reputations. Like the rest of you, there are statements, attitudes, and descriptions I’m used to being on the receiving end of, by now. Commentary I get on a regular basis… Read More
2014-08-25 12:36
On Friday, the day before my late mother’s birthday, two friends group-texted me about making a donation to the ALS Association, in memory of her name. Although they probably contribut… Read More
2014-08-18 14:12
I wouldn’t mind hitting the streets with a body cam myself. That would knock out the occasionally time-consuming burden of rooting around my bag for my phone. And then fiddling with th… Read More
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