2024-02-15 03:40
The other day I was in QFC getting stuff for salad because, well, I guess that’s what we’re supposed to eat for longevity. (Side bar: I’m not all in on longevity as a goal… Read More
Blog Directory > Arts & Entertainment Blogs > Humor Blogs > What makes you think I have cats? humor Blog >
What Makes You Think I Have Cats? Blog
gotnocats.blogspot.com
True stories, horoscopes, and the occasional advice column.
2021-09-12 18:14
I haven’t been writing much because, well, who’s going to play the Freecell? Right? How do you get all of the cards in the proper piles if you’re writing?That’s… Read More
2021-08-16 15:00
It’s been bleak lately. Covid deaths are up +1,357% in King County over the past 2 weeks. Pointless deaths. It’s been smoky and sweltering and boring and madden… Read More
2021-06-13 02:43
Aries (3/21 - 4/19): Well, Aries, it's been a while. Remember that time I said I was going to write a blog post every day and I did it for one day in a row? Do you get to call it… Read More
2021-03-11 01:31
There are two events that I order my week around: Wednesday is garbage day, and on Friday, at 5:00, I have a Manhattan with two cherries and quietly toast the passing of another week alone… Read More
2021-03-08 18:52
Ok, here's the whining:It bugs me when you finally do one thing from your list, an extra thing that's not the cooking or the dishes or the laundry or the bill paying or the actual job… Read More
2021-03-07 20:59
Ok, I'm going to try to write about one thing each day. Maybe it will be a good thing, that's the plan. But maybe it will be whiny and irritable because that's often the tr… Read More
2020-11-09 18:09
We are hearing calls to forgive and move on together as a nation. Most of us would like nothing better than to have a united, functional nation that can address difficult, complex prob… Read More
2020-09-16 18:34
The other day, my dog asked me what happens when we die. Gulp.I look at Jasmine and think dammit. I didn't think dogs knew about mortality, which is why they're so cheery a… Read More
2020-09-14 18:35
Well, my friends, Here we still are, in the pandemic, no end in sight. I would like to offer this:A writing workshop. Most of us don’t need help with our writing;… Read More
2020-04-23 03:15
I wrote a little thing for the local historical society about how it is now. A letter to the future! Yay, there's a future out there!Anyway, read it here if you like.I hope you'r… Read More
2020-02-23 00:37
Please help me understand the cult of Bernie Sanders. First, let me say that I’ll gladly vote for him if he becomes the nominee. But these are some things that trouble and… Read More
2020-01-18 19:30
Two things:
1. Does it feel to anyone else like there's this giant, obvious struggle in the world of good versus evil, and it feels like evil could very well win, and we're all j… Read More
2020-01-13 20:11
I did so well with my NY resolution last year that I thought I'd try it again this year. I know we're already partway through the year and you're supposed to figure these things out in… Read More
2020-01-02 16:57
Last year I made a New Year's resolution to watch more t.v. I know, that sounds like I'm all fancy like my dog, Jasmine Cavendish-Palmer, and am too busy doing righteous important thin… Read More
2019-11-21 21:55
2019-10-08 03:26
I've been trying to explain what's going on in the world to my dog. She is very patient with me Read More
2019-08-15 23:27
Two videos, depending on your mood.1. Talking about Moscow Mitch. Because the news is more palatable when you are watching a dog froclicking. Plus, a few chin exercise… Read More
2019-07-16 19:28
I went to a small vigil that was part of the Lights for Liberty the other day. We met at the fire pit and the lovely Chantel talked about the humanitarian crisis at the border with passion a… Read More
2019-07-01 16:20
Someone posted a thing on FB about how to desensitize your puppy to fireworks noises. The gist is that everytime your dog alarms to the sound of explosives, you give them a treat and say "Y… Read More
2019-06-23 18:14
Fire: (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius): The world continues to go to hell in a bucket, and yet we row. We are in the middle of the stormy ocean in a small leaky boat, and all we've got… Read More
2018-12-24 18:58
I was thinking about this post from the archives as I reflect on just how little I celebrate Christmas, and what a welcome change that is. It's taken a few years for all of the obligat… Read More
2018-11-29 16:39
In which I review a few things, and call them horoscopes.Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21): Oxytocin. This is the hormone that's released during sex and breastfeeding that promotes bon… Read More
2018-11-14 18:14
George Harvey, 1837Here we go, part 2 of 3 part horoscopes, in which I review Inflammation, the Erie Canal, and a few other things.Leo (7/23 – 8/22): Inflammation. Did we even ha… Read More
2018-11-13 15:37
Partial Horoscopes: The Review EditionI have a new favorite podcast, The Anthropocene Reviewed. It's beautiful writing and brilliant ideas and exactly what I want. So I thought I… Read More
2018-10-17 16:41
--> All aboard!Home sweet homeI’m on the train. I’m a little giddy with it all. This seems to be my natural habitat. A small confined space, lots of go… Read More
2018-09-20 21:07
I’m reading excerpts from Pliny the Elder’s encyclopedia. That guy! He wrote a 37 volume encyclopedia of everything, from his head. His actual head. Chapters on… Read More
2018-08-12 15:15
Aries (3/21 - 4/19): That poor Orca mama, carrying her dead baby for all those days. Aries, the saddest thing ever is raw grief, the feeling that we usually work hard to dilute a… Read More
2018-07-16 18:47
With all of the rapid changes, its hard to decide where to put our energy that will be effective, transformative, sustainable, and nourishing. Is there such a thing? Betsy muses… Read More
2018-06-10 18:59
Aries (3/21 - 4/19): Every morning I do a little self-test for dementia. Lately, during the testing period, I've noticed that my coffee seems unacceptably cold. Am I making… Read More
2018-06-05 02:27
Advice column. Episode One from the past... trying something new Read More
2018-04-30 00:47
Aries (3/21 - 4/19): In case you've been hiding in your closet with your hands over your ears, here's what's going on: there was a raid on Trump's lawyer's office, Michael Cohen… Read More
2018-03-05 05:18
Aries (3/21 - 4/19): I was sick for a few days -- I mean, really sick in a way that I had no doubt that being in bed was appropriate -- not the sick that happens sometimes when I… Read More
2018-01-29 16:55
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): I've been trying to drill down into the chores that I avoid to figure out why. Laundry: I don't mind dumping the dirty clothes into the gigantic washi… Read More
2017-12-29 06:18
trying something new Read More
2017-12-06 20:07
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): Sometimes when I don't know what to write about, I think back and try to visualize what the pie chart of my thoughts for the last 24 hours would look like. … Read More
2017-10-29 17:29
In which we learn the many uses for maxi pads, and that Reyna isn't planning to share her food bucket during the apocalypse trying something new Read More
2017-10-22 03:52
Episode 1 Read More
2017-09-15 05:10
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): The sky this summer was yellow, ash-filled, irritable; the world created a new palette: red at night, yellow in the morning, gray in the middle. It's been s… Read More
2017-08-30 16:42
Our little moon, making a stand. Saying, for a moment, “not today, Sun.”We love our moon so much. It’s not that we don’t love the sun, but the sun is… Read More
2017-08-15 05:46
When Obama was president, I had the luxury (and the good spirits) to have a funny blog. I wrote about the quirky people and circumstances that cross my path, and all was light and fun… Read More
2017-08-06 16:38
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): A friend told me that she never gets tired of people toggling blue ribbons on dowels to give the impression of water. At first I thought it was ridiculous… Read More
2017-07-23 05:05
We watch, experiencing various states of dismay, anger, outrage, overwhelm, and discouragement as the president flagrantly contradicts himself, acts poorly, works to dismantle regulations th… Read More
2017-06-26 15:17
I listened to the rerun of a This American Life episode where the guy listed all his fears. I thought it was a good prompt.1. I’m afraid my children will die before I do. 2… Read More
2017-06-09 16:59
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): The reason I hardly write, or go to yoga, or go to the coffee shop anymore is because of my dog. I'm so in love with her that it's embarrassing.  &hell…Read More
2017-05-11 01:03
I think I'll take up the investigation myself. My qualifications:1. I have a very curious and mildly ferocious dog. She would definitely be up for an investigation. I… Read More
2017-04-09 15:26
Will I ever be able to stop drawing the bees?Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): Well, we've had a parade since I last posted, and it was super fun and I'd highly recommend it if you're down i… Read More
2017-03-13 19:18
I’m planning to dress as a vegetable and walk through my town in a few weeks. I’m pretty sure that at least a few people will join me. If so, it will be an actual par… Read More
2017-02-22 02:06
Dear Khortne3, Recently, a transgender friend of mine posted a 'go-fund-me' style blog on facebook asking for family and friends to send him money ($2000) in order for him to continue h… Read More
2017-01-20 13:54
Somehow, we need to carry on. We need to live our lives, show up to our jobs and our friends and loved ones. Do chores, teach our children right from wrong, and work to care for… Read More
2017-01-19 03:04
Today is my one day a week working for The Man, so I drove a county truck around in the pouring rain. I forgot my boots, and the truck had squeaky brakes that didn't seem reliable, bu… Read More
2017-01-04 05:27
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): Do you suppose that dreams try to interpret the humans? Like, the dreams hang out together during the day, saying, "wow, I had the weirdest huma… Read More
2016-12-15 17:04
I thought I'd try something new today, a possible regular feature that needs a name (suggestions welcome). For the moment, we'll call it RealProblem/Not Real Problem.Not Real Problem:… Read More
2016-12-12 22:11
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): I saw a person in town a few weeks ago whom I recognized from a Sasquatch tracking website, because I stalk the people who stalk the Big Foot. If Big… Read More
2016-11-27 01:53
Twelve years ago, when Bush was re-elected, I felt sad. The nation seemed to have nonchalantly accepted being at war. We knew by then that there were no weapons of mass destructi… Read More
2016-11-12 18:10
I’m coming out today as a church lady. I know - sodowdy! I’ve been a Unitiarian Universalist my whole life, and deeply involved in my church for over twenty years.&nb&hell…Read More
2016-10-01 17:51
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): What's going on with Swing States? Are entire states organized around indecisive people? With such an extreme choice, do people actually change… Read More
2016-09-17 20:51
The main thing I've done today is read about Sam Patch. If you didn’t grow up in NY, you might not know who he is. I think my entire public school history curriculum… Read More
2016-09-10 20:18
I saw his obituary on the door of the post office yesterday, where we notify one another of passings.Joey, age 54, died unexpectedly last weekend. He had a challenging life, and I hope he is… Read More
2016-08-08 17:23
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): Several years ago, I was invited to a "women's circle," so I went. A handful of women were there (I suppose you guessed that, tho...), talking about m… Read More
2016-07-23 17:40
Riley has modified the “This is dinner” speech that I used to give into a plea to vote for Hilary. The speech, which I didn't write, went something like, “THIS is din… Read More
2016-07-21 15:07
Portrait of my living room window, by Adelaide C. Johnson1. I wish I pronounced it "nye-thur". But I don't, I say nee-ther. 2. I need a plot. Plot is lacking. I… Read More
2016-07-18 16:16
I've been in a bit of a writing slump, so I'll try to take my own advice and just write a list. Ten things, day 1:1. I have friends who communicate almost exclusively through emo… Read More
2016-07-16 17:37
FROM THE PAST. Again. Because my sister reminded me of this familial sunset thing.PublicFriendsFriends except AcquaintancesOnly MeCustomClose FriendsFamilySee all lists...Penfiel… Read More
2016-07-16 00:39
Betsy MacWhinneyBetsyHomeFriend RequestsMessagesNotificationsAccount SettingsFROM THE PAST. Again. Because my sister reminded me of this familial sunset thing...PublicFriend… Read More
2016-07-09 20:39
While men with guns were murdering one another this week, I took a class to learn about shiatsu, which is a magical eastern form of massage. According to Wikipedia, "there is no eviden… Read More
2016-06-12 19:30
Every morning I wake up and look out the window for a while, wondering how I am and what to do next. Should I get up again today, just like all the other days? What's going to ha… Read More
2016-06-04 22:39
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): I have a huge crush on Oliver Sachs because he's brilliant and generous and creative. The only obstacles between us are that he's gay, old, and dead… Read More
2016-05-22 01:05
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): This article leaves me amazed. The gist: the air in a movie theater takes on a unique measurable chemical signature based on the emotions o… Read More
2016-05-03 03:53
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): Someone posted a link to a website that lists useful things you can do with leftover pool noodles. Is that a real problem, Pisces? &nbs&hell…Read More
2016-04-24 21:35
Dear Khortn3e,I have a friend whom I love dearly, but can be very hard to spend a lot of time with. Lately, most of our conversations turn into arguments, and whenever I disagree with her, s… Read More
2016-04-08 19:45
Gigantic box. Vacuum cleaner and partof poster of the anterior view of the human body for scale.Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): I purchased fresh turmeric (I just learned that w… Read More
2016-03-27 17:33
I’ve been trying to follow honeybees around my neighborhood, like some weird interspecies stalker. It isn’t as easy as it sounds. I baited a small box with honey and sugar… Read More
2016-03-19 03:26
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): How cell phone providers work: You arrive with a tiny problem, like, your phone won't charge because the plug doesn't fit snugly anymore. And before y… Read More
2016-02-07 23:50
Bee d'jourI was asked to talk about intimacy in my Unitarian* church this morning. I thought I'd put it up here.************************************I’m surprised that I’m t… Read More
2016-02-03 20:07
Coelecanth, ink on cardboard, 1/31/16. Thought to be extinct for 66 million years, and then, poof, re-discovered in 1938, hanging out neara deep ocean cave. Don't let that be you… Read More
2016-01-26 00:01
Well, we're trying something new today. My son, Riley, is learning about editing sound and recording humans and so on. So, we've been recording our typical advice column discussi… Read More
2016-01-24 17:25
It starts out great. You roll downstairs and have a cup of coffee while scrolling through Facebook, and just for old time’s sake, you look at the traffic websites, grateful that… Read More
2016-01-14 21:23
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): I received a text the other day from one of my favorite Pisces; he sent me a photo that demonstrates his prowess with sorting laundry by color. It was… Read More
2015-12-26 23:15
My Dear Jennio,I am operating the lamest fake travel agency ever. You've been standing at the end of your driveway in the dead of winter, bags packed, waiting for instructions about yo… Read More
2015-12-13 17:28
When I was a new-ish mother, I attended a Tupperware party. This is before I caught on to the whole thing, women trying to make parties out of guilt and plastic. If anyone needs… Read More
2015-12-10 18:51
A lovely reader named Mistletoe wrote to my fake travel agency, requesting a trip to Iceland. Per company policy, I asked three random questions. Using this information in a uniq… Read More
2015-12-04 16:45
My holiday decoration that Ifound in a moldy bag of potatoesPisces (2/19 – 3/20): The DIY-ers are helping people off the grid by showing how to grow penicillin. Nice re-fra… Read More
2015-11-18 01:22
Yes, that is bloodDear Khourt-knee,I'm struggling to write an overview of a book that's actually about my life. It's hard for me to know what to include and how to make it into a compe… Read More
2015-10-26 04:44
I guess the Internet is where we share minor disappointments. I have one! I wanted to do something nice for my fine son, so I started making hand-held pies from scratch. … Read More
2015-10-20 15:13
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): Go watch this documentary, Pisces. (Or, listen to the podcast.) It's about a guy who, after a head injury, creates a whole miniature WWII to… Read More
2015-10-06 02:10
Why was the radio on in the post office at 7:30 in the morning on a Sunday? Was someone there, or is there a pet that needed soothing, or a squatter?What happens at a flag retirement c… Read More
2015-10-02 19:51
The great wheelPisces (2/19 – 3/20): I listened to a podcast recently about how to increase your level of curiosity. Lack of curiosity isn't one of my (many) problems, so y… Read More
2015-09-18 16:32
I was on my way home from Installment #1 of "Lift Ourselves Out of Squalor" (LOOS), in which I will be helping a friend, who in turn will be helping me, in the project of gaining some sembla… Read More
2015-09-13 15:19
Things I don't know about. In most cases, the internet could explain.1. Duplicate bridge. I could look it up. But first, let's think about it. Does everyone, at… Read More
2015-08-28 17:14
Time travel. I think it's why we have these brains, to think about time travel. Not thinking about time travel every day is sort of like having electricity and sitting in the dar… Read More
2015-08-12 17:25
1. About 10 years ago, I was in Black Diamond, a small town near here, and noticed the flag at half mast. I expected something big, so I pulled over and went into the post office… Read More
2015-07-15 02:33
A friend mentioned something the other day about trying to cram in all the important life lessons in before her son goes to college. I thought I'd try to figure out what the bare essen… Read More
2015-06-19 21:07
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): Feeling a little down, Pisces? Maybe micro-dosing is the answer. There is no downside to a procedure that causes you to say, at the end of ever… Read More
2015-06-05 02:55
I was in the field today when I accidentally walked into a hornet's nest, and got stung four times. Not a huge number, but I wasn't sure how I'd react so I went home. All stings… Read More
2015-05-27 17:45
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): I know there are people who think crickets are just a gateway bug for me, but that's not so. It's possible I'll get an ant colony someday, but that's… Read More
2015-05-13 01:21
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): I took my kids out to my new fort the other day. They were my first guests; we sat and drank coffee, which was was exciting. The best part abou… Read More
2015-05-06 18:08
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): If your needs are within the bell curve, it's reasonable to expect them to be met in a group setting, but if they're in one of the tails, not so much. &nbs&hell…Read More
2015-04-30 00:34
Pisces (2/19 – 3/20): I'm trying to participate in a project, "100 Days Without Plastic". A week into it, yesterday, and I woke up to find a creature that I'll call a larg… Read More
2015-04-23 14:33
I dreamt there was a word I needed to use, but couldn't remember it. I had been told once, but voosh, right out of the brain. It was a new verb, like skype or snapchat, but it in… Read More
Subscribe to What Makes You Think I Have Cats?
Get updates delivered right to your inbox!