I finally finished my Family Medicine rotation! And it is very safe to say that it was my favorite one yet. Not only did I learn so much from my residents and attendings and got to be so hands-on with their patients’ care, I also heard so many ridiculous that I left laughing each day. And now I am here, sharing them with you! This week is a tad shorter, so make sure you check out last week’s and the week before to be fully up to speed with the shenanigans that was family medicine. I hope you enjoy this volume of Things I Heard in Medical School!

“Oh yes. Let’s call the infectious disease docs. Maybe they will actually give our patient the right medication this time. Idiots.”
“I want you to ask yourself: ‘Self, do I really need to order all these unnecessary procedures?’ If you say yes, then you can leave.”
“Those docs shoved their heads up their rear ends and looked around and grabbed whatever they could find, thinking it would work.”
Med. Student: “Oh my gosh how did you guys live in a third world country? You were that desperate to be a doctor?” | Me to self: “Where is a suture kit when you need one?”
“I’m going to freaking kill someone if they try to cath that woman. SHE IS OVER 80!”
“Oh I just say I had diarrhea and get out of it. Best excuse ever.”
“And have you realized that the social workers are a pain in the ass?”
“You know you could just sit on the fax machine and send them a personal message. Might make them hurry up.”
Med. Student: “I put glitter on my graduation cap because I was in a sorority and that was the most sorority girl thing I did.” | Me to self: “Why are you still talking to me?”
Attending: “I really don’t like talking to idiots.” | Me: “Same.”
“You know who runs most of the residency programs in this country? Old. White. Men. Don’t scare the old white man.”
“We know you guys apply to over 50 programs, so basically you are just clogging up the system, which means you are making my job harder. Which ultimately means that I am starting off very, very annoyed.”
Attending: “Who got it in my head that this resident stole my milk?? “| Me: “Mission accomplished.”
Med. Student: “Do you know what field you want to go in?” | Me: “No.” | Med. Student: “…. well I want to do OBGYN. | Me to self: Does it look like I care?!” |Me to her: “Oh… well…. that’s great. Oh look, another patient!”