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Dear Diary (Week 7),

Tags: heart love
Is it true that the Heart wants what it wants? Should we always follow our heart, when it comes to love? And can we rewire our brain to have our heart desire what's best for us?

The heart is irrational and instinctual, as it's emotion-based. If something brings us temporary/superficial happiness, we're inclined to continue pursuing it, as it feels good. But the head can assess a situation and decide if something needs to change. Basically, the heart goes after what feels good and the head what seems right. For a long time, I had a problem of wanting to be with players, even if I knew they weren't right for me. This left me with a choice: do I continue going for guys that my heart wants or do I go for guys I think are right for me?

It took me time and experience to figure out that the image I've created of the "perfect" man for me, or my type, is not what I need. I'm not saying that I need the complete opposite kind of guy but that I need to be more open-minded. I think we're able to choose to a certain extent who we want to like and not just remain helpless to our hearts. I still struggle between what I want and what I need. But I think I have more chances of a relationship working out, if I go with my head. I try to make most of my decisions using my head as a guide. Why should love be any different?

It's definitely important to listen to our hearts, when it comes to love. It's important to stay in tune with how we feel, when we're with the other person. But it doesn't mean we should follow our hearts. That is, we may feel good with a person but it doesn't mean they're right for us. When a person allows their heart to tell them who to love, they are prey to loving blindly. That is, they first decide that they like a person (for no particular reason, necessarily). Then, they affirm their positive impression of the person by only focusing on their good qualities. It's OK to think highly of a person one is interested in but it's important to remain realistic.

I don't trust my heart, when it comes to love. Again, I say that out of experience. Sometimes I like guys, even if I really don't want to. Love is overpowering. Love can give us the impression that we're helpless. But as rational, responsible beings, why should we settle for what our heart wants? Just because our heart wants something, doesn't mean that it's meant for us. Now that I'm giving guys that aren't always my type a chance, I'm trying to see if my heart can follow my head instead. This way, maybe I can rewire my brain to go not just after what my heart wants but also what I need.

Love,
Faigy


This post first appeared on Faigy's Relationship Advice, please read the originial post: here

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