Happiness doesn’t come from the pursuit of Happiness, because it does not come from outside — it comes from within. Authentic happiness is a state of being rather than a state of perpetual hunt.

And a happy state of being can be achieved by anyone if they were to take a leaf or two out of a Stoic person’s book. Here we did just that: put together a set of doable instructions for you in one page. You just need to carry out the actions and take on the attitudes suggested by the the Stoic philosophers.

The Stoic Era of Philosophy

By the time Alexander The Great died in 323 BCE, he had an empire stretching from Greece to India. After his death, his generals divided the Alexandrian empire among themselves.

From then started the Hellenistic period, when Greek ideas and cultures spread across his conquered lands from Eastern Mediterranean to Asia. The end of this era came in 31 BCE when the Romans marched into the last of Alexander’s territories.

During the Hellenistic period, no less than six different schools of philosophy sprang out of Athens:

1. The Cynics
2. The Sceptics
3. The Platonists
4. The Aristotleans
5. The Stoics
6. The Epicureans

For almost all those variant philosophies of that era, the key investigation was about finding the correct path to happiness.

Stoicism was founded in the early third century BCE by Zeno of Citium. Zeno landed in Athens after his ship sank, and went on to study under some of the most famous philosophers for two decades before starting his school.

The story of the founder of Stoicism is a fascinating one: read here.

Some of the other prominent Stoics of the Hellenistic era were: Chrysippus, Seneca, Musonius Rufus, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius.

• Chrysippus was the person who took Stoicism to soaring heights.
• Seneca was a rich man and advised Nero, the irascible emperor who got him killed.
• Musonius Rufus taught during the 1st century CE, and is mainly known today as the teacher of Epictetus.
• Epictetus was born a slave, but earned his freedom to rise to be a teacher.
• Marcus Aurelius was the most powerful Stoic to have ever walked this earth; he was a Roman Emperor.

A Stoic Person’s Idea of Happiness

The Stoics believed in three things:

1. virtue is the key source of happiness,
2. all judgement should be grounded in behaviour, and
3. one can control only themselves and their responses.

To the Stoics, a happy life was founded on moral virtue. They contended one should always strive to do the right thing for a happy life, even if they were to fail.

The four cardinal virtues of a Stoic person are:

While the Stoics argued events in the natural world were beyond one’s control, as floods, diseases, and death, they advised one can only do good in accepting them. There could only be misery if one tried to control things beyond human control.

Instead, they said, we should focus on what we can control: our thoughts, judgments, and actions. With these in rein, we can try to create good for others as well as ourselves.

So, even when we get mired in situations beyond our control, the Stoics remind us, we always have the freedom to choose how we see the situation, and how we respond.

The Stoics taught nothing is inherently good or bad, but it is our judgment that makes it so.

Epictetus said of this:

Man is affected not by events but by the view he takes of them. We should always be asking ourselves: Is this something that is, or is not, in my control? The essence of philosophy is that we should live so that our happiness depends as little as possible on external causes.

— Epictetus

A peaceful mind, they held, comes up from an ability to stay non-judgmental about ourselves and others around us.

It is our tendency to make snap judgments that robs us of our peace.
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Of course, it takes vast amounts of practice and self-discipline to withhold one’s judgments and biases against a tug of emotions. But it can be learnt through the practice of Stoic exercises.

How Does A Stoic Person Become Happier In Life

Here are some of the most effective ways for a Stoic person to find happiness in life:

1. Focusing On The Action

A goal is actually a pie in the sky. It is a point in the future that is outside our control. Once we set a goal, much of it is then controlled by the external conditions.

What remains in our hands is the act that we carry out towards it.

So, instead of focusing on the goal, we should focus on the process. By doing that well, we can master the process of the act.

And even though that will not assure us we always reach the set goalposts, it will increase the likelihood of finding our way there more often.

Most importantly, the immediate goal of focusing on the process as best we can is completely within our control. When we assure ourselves we have control over our act and nothing more, we gain vantage over our happiness.

The Stoic idea is to focus on doing, whatever we are into, to the best of our ability, purely for the satisfaction of doing it well, without any thought for future rewards.

And that ambition is completely within our control.

2. Controlling The Thought Process

Epictetus tells us much of the things within this world are outside our control. And much of our unhappiness is a result of thinking we have control over things in life that, in fact, we don’t.

Epictetus argues we actually don’t have control over what happens to us, and we don’t have control over what people around us say or do. We also don’t have control of our own bodies, which get sick and old, and which ultimately die without any care for how much we love them.

In the final analysis, the only thing we really can have control over is what we think and what judgments we make about others and situations.

So, letting go of our vain attempts to control the outside world would release a lot of our unhappiness.

And onward from this, Epictetus says:

It’s not things that upset us, but how we think about things.

So, when things happen, we rush to make immediate judgments about those happenings. When we judge something that has happened to us is awfully bad, then we tend to get upset, contemptuous, sad, or angry.

Similarly, if we guess or pre-judge something bad is likely to happen to us, we tend to get fearful, stressed, or anxious.

At the base level, then, these negative emotions have sprung from the judgments we made about them.

So, the things in themselves are empty of positive or negative values. It is what we make of them that creates positive or negative valence in us.

What would seem terrible to us at the time might actually be of little consequence at a later time. In fact, we might even find these incidents happened for our good.

The judgments we make attach values to them, and then those value judgments create our emotional responses.

These value judgments, therefore, are the only things we have control over. Things that happen are not inherently good or bad, but it is within our power to decide how we see them.

The paradox of Stoicism is we have control over almost nothing, yet at the same time, we can have complete control over our judgments about them. And this marks the difference between unhappiness and happiness.

3. Heeding Only What They Control

We have the power to stay always in control of our attitude. Accepting and exercising this, and not worrying much about other things will make us more productive and satisfied.

Marcus Aurelius says,

The cucumber is bitter? Then throw it out. There are brambles in the path? Then go around them. That’s all you need to know. Nothing more.

— Marcus Aurelius

The Stoics believe we are in control over only two things in this life: our thoughts and our actions. The rest is out of our hands.

Then, what is the use of wasting time and effort complaining about things that other people did, and things that happened in the world? We do not have any influence over them.

For one, emotions such as anger and envy are not always without any purpose.

Anger may help us to assert authority and thwart violence, and envy may propel us to work harder. In fact, they do motivate us to take positive action in times of injustice and procrastination.

However, looking close, we would find there are way too many times when these emotions serve to only increase our stress.

The next time you feel enraged at any frustrating situation or anyone’s dorky action, you could ask yourself, “Is this anger rational or nonsensical? Would it serve a useful or futile purpose?”

And you might get answers from yourself that may dilute away your anger.

The crux is, we can’t actually command other people into doing things we want.

We can neither control what thoughts they think even after our clear directions, nor what actions they take as a result of their thoughts.

So, the Stoics advise we stop paying too much attention to others, and instead focus on our own thoughts and actions.

Withdraw from those things we don’t control, and focus only on what is in our control, that is, what is within us, and we’ll find ourselves free, happy, unperturbed.

4. Accepting Whatever Happens

For a Stoic person, everything that happens, has to happen.

All events are set to occur due to pre-existing causes, and these causes are enough to make them happen, and prevent all alternatives from happening. And our happiness lies in conforming willingly to this preordained plan of the universe.

A Stoic person would advise, “Accept everything which happens, even if it seems disagreeable, because it leads to this, the health of the universe.”

As Epictetus put it,

Don’t seek to have events happen as you wish, but wish them to happen as they do happen, and all will be well with you.

— Epictetus

To Epictetus, all external events are determined by fate, and are thus beyond our control. But we can accept whatever happens calmly and dispassionately.

On this, Seneca said,

We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more in imagination than in reality.

— Seneca

And Marcus Aurelius said,

Accept things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.

— Marcus Aurelius

Another Stoic strategy is to remind ourselves that whatever happens, doesn’t have to happen to suit our desires. The universe works on its own, and it does not need to function to benefit us.

What are we, if not just specks of moments in the whole stretch of time from antiquity to infinity?

Marcus Aurelius said,

Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away.

— Marcus Aurelius

Given this, how can we expect the universe to deliver whatever we might happen to want?

We might think the universe is working against us, but in truth, it has much to do than merely arrange all the logjams in the way to our success and happiness. The cosmos keeps moving as it wants, without caring much about us, as we are too minuscule in its grand design of things.

So, wouldn’t it be far better to accept what comes our way?

We can’t change what is already set to happen, but we can choose to accept the result that comes in.

5. Not Letting Their Minds Become Slaves

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus spent his boyhood and adolescence as a slave in Rome.

For anyone in his position, they would have let their minds curl back into a non-functional state. Days in and days out of doing only what they are told to, and being punished severely for the smallest of mistakes, shuts down the thinking part of the brain.

But not Epictetus. He kept his mind vibrant with deep thoughts of philosophy.

Once, his master Epaphroditus began twisting his leg as an amusement. Epictetus told him, “If you go on, you will break my leg.”

But Epaphroditus kept twisting. Finally, when the leg broke, Epictetus uttered through his pain, with unruffled serenity, “Did I not tell you that you would break my leg?”

That was the hallmark of a Stoic man: staying unperturbed in mind by the things they can’t control.

Epictetus said:

If a person gave your body to any stranger he met on his way, you would certainly be angry. And do you feel no shame in handing over your own mind to be confused and mystified by anyone who happens to verbally attack you?

— Epictetus

This is what he meant: We would react with anger and desperation if someone were to capture us and make us serve a slave. Then how come we let our minds serve as slaves to other people’s whims and orders several times a day?

When people around us do or say things to us that makes us react, it means they have invaded and enslaved our minds. We argue with them trying to prove them wrong. We spend days and hours finding ways to put them down.

What they have done is actually chain our mind to a pole — and now the mind restlessly scoots around the same constricted area of thoughts, over and over, without freedom.

We forget we have a choice to set our minds free.

A Stoic person always holds that for a thing to be good, it must be of benefit to us. And the only thing that always benefits us is a calm and rational mind.

No matter what annoyance anyone brings to our doorstep, we have a choice to save our minds from being chained to it.

However, history is thankful to Epaphroditus, because even though he was a cruel master, he allowed Epictetus to attend the lectures of Musonius Rufus, a distinguished teacher of Stoicism. And, in time, he let Epictetus go free.

6. Existing In The Present Moment

The whole future lies in uncertainty: live immediately.

— Seneca

Seneca further says,

Every day as it comes should be welcomed and reduced forthwith into our own possession as if it were the finest day imaginable.

— Seneca

A Stoic person carried this knowledge everywhere they went: all happiness lies in the present.

Because thoughts about the future are loaded with worries and anxieties. And thoughts about the past tow along stresses and regrets.

To be happy and free, a Stoic person chooses to spend most of their time in the present moment.

When in the present moment, we do not try to rewrite our history. With our feet planted firmly in the now, we do not go over in endless loops on the things in the past we could have done differently. We do not get trapped into  a mire of regret, resentment, and rancor.

Standing in and acting from the present, we understand a worrying mind never changes the future for anyone. We also realize no one is promised a perfect future. When in the present moment, we do not try to worry about whether the plans and dreams of tomorrow will come to fruition or not.

Once we are away from the disturbing thoughts about the future and past, we find calmness and peace. It is then that we can focus fully on the work at hand.

And once we immerse ourselves into our work, we attain a state when we forget the surroundings and time, and even our hunger and thirst. This is a state the Hungarian-American psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihaly named flow. He describes this as the state of “optimal experience” – one that makes us reach a level of high satisfaction.

The conscious practice of mooring ourselves in  present is often referred to as mindfulness.

We are living in a time of great upheaval. In these times of a pandemic, most of us are anxious about an uncertain future. As we project ourselves into the future, we don’t see things in much clarity or surety. We’re fearful that our goals and dreams might be torn apart.

In times just as these, a Stoic person would be more headstrong about living in the reality of here and now. They would be happy to wake up to a new morning, to find enough to eat and share with their close ones, and end the day in a healthy sleep.

They would have asked, “What would you achieve by fixating on a future that will always remain unknown and unpredictable?”

So, cherish each day as a wonderful present, and savor it fully with a sense of gratitude and awe.

7. Feeling Grateful And Appreciative

Seneca reminded us,

No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is within their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have.

— Seneca

When we always hanker after the things we do not possess, we tire and burn ourselves out. It’s an endless run on an invisible treadmill. It satisfies us for just so long as it takes to get used to a new toy. And then, we start our run for the next goalpost.

That is not a rational way to reach happiness.

Even science says running on the hedonic treadmill is an ineffective strategy to make ourselves happier.

A far more worthwhile way is to feel grateful for the things we already have right now. It’s much wiser to be full of praise for the many blessings we have in our life.

Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.

— Seneca

The following is an effective Stoic exercise to have a heartfelt sense of deep gratitude for every good thing in our life.

The simple exercise would be to imagine our lives without some of the things around us — a house, a spouse, food on the table, a table to work upon, eyes to see, hands to work, legs to walk.

Our daily grind makes us forget the value of simple pleasures in life, as being alive to see another day, family, pets, and friends, the ability to love and laugh. We lose focus of them by getting fixated on what we do not own yet.

Asking ourselves “What would my life be without these?” would make us more conscious of those things we take for granted.

Then it gets easy to feel thankful for and appreciative of all that we have in our life. Avoiding setting our targets on the things we lack, and instead, being happy with our blessings, is a sign of wisdom to a Stoic person.

Marcus Aurelius said about this that we place ourselves in the position of not treating lightly all the great people and situations we have in our life. If we did not have them in our life, how would our life be different, and how much would we crave to have them in our life?

Do not indulge in dreams of having what you have not, but reckon up the chief of the blessings you do possess, and then thankfully remember how you would crave for them if they were not yours.

— Marcus Aurelius

Again, Marcus Aurelius says,

Take full account of what excellencies you possess, and in gratitude remember how you would hanker after them, if you had them not.

— Marcus Aurelius

The science of positive psychology also supports this: Counting our blessings and appreciating what we have increases our happiness levels.

Final Words

Let’s close this with a few Stoic quotes relating to happiness:

• Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. — Marcus Aurelius

• The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. — Marcus Aurelius

• There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond our control. — Epictetus

• Everything, a horse, a vine, is created for some duty. Man’s true delight is to do the things he was made for. — Marcus Aurelius

• Man is disturbed not by things, but by the views he takes of them. — Epictetus

• The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way. — Marcus Aurelius

• The happiness of those who want to be popular depends on others; the happiness of those who seek pleasure fluctuates with moods outside their control; but the happiness of the wise grows out of their own free acts. — Marcus Aurelius

• Here is a rule to remember in future, when anything tempts you to feel bitter: not ‘this is misfortune’, but ‘To bear this worthily is good fortune’. — Marcus Aurelius

• • •

Author Bio: Written by Sandip Roy – medical doctor, psychology writer, happiness researcher. Founder of Happiness India Project, and chief editor of its blog. He writes popular-science articles on positive psychology and related medical topics.

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The post The Stoic Person’s Guide To Be Happier In Life appeared first on Happiness India Project.