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What if

What if today was my last day of my life?

Oh, I'd have a long list of people to thank. Actually, I'll have to thank everyone in life. However, that is quite close to impossible because I can't really thank that Abhishek I met last year who taught me to play hard cricket. I can't really thank that

It doesn't matter.

I'm quite listless right now. I made so many bad decisions in my past when I could have instead paused and thanked everyone... I am really thankful to every stranger who helped me in life. I may not know you, but I wish the best for you. I remember what you did and it makes me feel happy. I want to return those favours. I want to contribute to the world.

The problem is that I am not making this happen.

I have goals. I have aspirations. I have ideas. I have beliefs. I have ideals. I know my flaws. I know my mistakes. I know my qualities. I know when I do something right as well as wrong. I know flaws of every individual I have ever met. I appreciate their wonderful admirable qualities too. Everyone is special after all. I learn.
I laugh so much, even at the most stupid things. I Smile a lot when nobody’s looking. Then, after that beautiful ecstatic moment, I suffer. I don’t really have anyone to go to when I need most. It hurts.

Somehow, this is very hard for me to understand. Life is a journey where you often find yourself walking alone. You have everything you need in life, but you can't really share it. You can try, but most people don't care. Actually, nobody cares. They might show, but frankly speaking nobody wants to smile just to see you smile. Nobody will. Now I’ll have a million people making me believe the opposite, but no, you don’t mean it. Look back and tell me, when was the last time YOU approached me?

It doesn't matter. That’s all I can say. It really doesn't. I don’t value the past but I learn from it. Someday, I will let go everything except what I understood from it. That understanding gives me the light of hope I believe in. That hope tells me, I can go forward, because standing here in stagnation is no use; because I have a life ahead.  Yes, I have to live it. Maybe alone, but if that’s the only way, I am ready for it. I may not accept the fact completely, but I have the will to endure. I may not be a courageous person, but I believe in facts. I won’t have anybody to share everything I have with, that’s all.

But then again, it doesn't matter.

Yes, I pause to smile at what I have every once in a while. I feel like sharing my joy with everyone.  I want to understand you. I want to help you. I want to be meaningful to you. No, I won’t share any of my sorrows, pains or conflicts ever. When I try to, it’s usually never worth it.

I am very proud of what I have although I don’t know if I really have anything except memories. They stay forever. Past isn't that bad, is it?

Just to keep you interested, I'm boring.

It doesn't really matter to me.

I have a truth to speak: I am a hypocrite and liar. Sorry. I break promises- not intentionally though, but because I am often left with no way out. I may have been truthful at many points of life, but I have struggled with asking myself, is that really the truth? I've been proved wrong many a times. Truth is a relative concept, after all.

Yet again, it doesn't matter.

I Love failures. I love going through grim bad difficulties. They tear me apart, they make me cry, make me blame nobody but myself, but they also make me stand up and fight again. They make me laugh at myself and smile for myself. They teach me how to love myself.

I don’t want to give up. Yet, I do it out of a peculiar momentary stupidity. I've found, whenever I have not given up on something, it has gone on to teach me a lot. I don’t guarantee success to myself but I believe in myself that what I do will not harm me.  When I have given up early on, it’s all over. Sometimes, you have to give up. Some things are just not possible.

If today’s the last day of my life, hell, I need to make it worth living and worth every moment. I do deserve a little happiness. It’s time I claim it.

Or else, it won’t matter.

I love you.

You matter to my world.

This was +Yashraj Talan, your introverted friend and the most stupid, boring person you’ll never meet, or if you do, you may be grateful to yourself. I’ll help, trust me.

Live life, love life.

This post was written by Yashraj Talan Yashraj Talan is a teen who loves to write and express himself! Loves technology, philosophy, psychology, music and the beauty of life.

This post first appeared on Innovations, please read the originial post: here

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