2018-12-03 21:00
As we approach a new year, I am reminded of the old saying “new year; new me” – and to be honest, it means absolutely nothing to me! As I have done all throughout 2018 and… Read More
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2018-04-04 15:28
Dammit! Whole time I’m sitting here, I accidentally watched 8,523,535 Hallmark movies in a row. Seriously – I look at the remote control to change the channel, but w… Read More
2018-03-20 14:31
Laugh now and get it over with.
-Hottywood Helps
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2018-03-19 15:10
Laugh now and get it over with.
-Hottywood Helps
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2018-03-16 14:15
Laugh now and get it over with.
-Hottywood Helps
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2018-03-14 14:00
The best stories you’ll ever tell begins with, “Don’t tell…”
If I don’t know anything else, I know what I’m talking about.
-Hottywood Helps… Read More
2018-03-13 14:00
Laugh now and get it over with.
-Hottywood Helps Read More
2018-03-08 15:46
You should always think of yourself as more than what you’re good for. Especially if you’re good for nothing.
-Hottywood Helps
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2018-03-07 20:59
Holy Mother of Pearl, this day is unearthly long!
No lie, I’ve probably only had about 2 1/2 hours worth of sleep in the last 2 days. The only thing I see in front of my face right n… Read More
2018-03-07 14:47
You can solve any problem by throwing it to the bottom of a
2 liter Root Beer soda.
…though that has the probabilities of bringing on a whole new set of problems: pimples, weigh… Read More
2018-03-06 16:07
In a word……
“Damn.”
Laugh now and get it over with.
-Hottywood Helps
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2018-03-05 16:28
It’s Monday; 11:15am to be exact. You’re in your 3rd meeting of the day; the coffee pot is near empty, and Emma is being extra. Emma may unknowingly have Elmer’s glue… Read More
2017-02-22 19:22
Click HERE to get your copy of HottywoodHelps.com’s debut novel,
“Tracks of an Underground Advice Columnist” Read More
2017-02-14 19:31
Start a new life where it matters most…at McDONALD’S.
Big mac, filet-o-fish, quarter pounder, french fries, icy cold milkshake, sundaes and apple pies….!
Happy Valentine… Read More
2017-02-14 15:00
Valentines Day is a 50/50 split when it comes to love, romance and the acts of. We all know what the 50% of lovers will be doing: Fine dining at the local McDonalds; wolfing down… Read More
2017-02-06 21:48
2017-02-01 16:55
Everyone now and then I tend to speak out of the side of my neck, which incidentally once got me hired at a side show carnival. That job didn’t last, though. I kept getting into small… Read More
2017-01-30 16:07
Quote of the week: “I want to flip my desk over and say “Screw it!”, but this joint is heavy…or I’m lazy. Same thing.”
Click HERE to see wh… Read More
2017-01-19 15:25
My dear, poor, unsuspecting friends; we need to have a little chat about something we all know about but are sometimes too shy (or embarrassed) to discuss. BLIND DATES.
Blind date… Read More
2017-01-13 15:30
Guys and gals, it’s time that we sit down and have a little interrogation chat about something that’s even more important than world peace – a little matter of who the… Read More
2017-01-03 15:00
My stomach is still full from Thanksgiving and I have yet to buy any Christmas gifts for anyone else (so far I’ve made five gift purchases and they are all TO me FROM me). Since… Read More
2016-12-22 15:00
By Hottywood Helps
Twas the night before Christmas, all was said and done
Not a creature stirred, not a roach, rat or bum.
The stockings were hung on the radiator with fear
That St. Nicholas… Read More
2016-12-19 15:30
My Christmas wish for you is that you are the life of all the holiday parties, provided you’ve been invited to any.
H a p p y H o l i d a y s
HottywoodHelps.com Read More
2016-12-14 16:16
Nothing takes the venom out of a strongly worded email like a spelling error.
Click HERE to see what others are asking
or dial
(302) 36HOTTY to leave your question for our Ask Hottywood ad… Read More
2016-12-08 15:00
When the moon crosses paths with Jupiter, you will appear more charming than you actually are. This will be a perfect time to meet a soul mate who has just established a career as a profess… Read More
2016-11-30 15:49
I don’t know about you, but I’m ready.
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or dial
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Click HERE to… Read More
2016-11-29 15:00
Kats and Kittens,
If I’ve never done anything, I’ve given out some (arguably) good advice while kicking a bit of knowledge here and there. Well, today is no different.
The term… Read More
2016-08-18 17:44
I swear . . . every Brandii I know. SMH
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After being holed up in a… Read More
2016-08-04 13:32
2016-07-25 14:30
Kats and kittens, it’s been a while since I’ve taken some time out of my endless 15 minute coffee break to complain about anything. And by a while, I mean yesterday. Bu… Read More
2016-07-11 16:13
Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
The only use you will provide this week will be to keep a coffee table from wobbling.
Aquari… Read More
2016-07-06 14:13
It’s never easy to accept when a relationship is over, whether you are effected by the disruption or the cause of it. Luckily for you,
Hottywood Helps!
This little qui… Read More
2016-06-27 14:30
CLICK HERE to leave a question for Hottywood.
Kats and kittens, this week we are going to kill three birds with one stone by doing what I like to call “Speed Advising.” Today we… Read More
2016-06-14 18:33
2016-06-08 14:20
There are three things every person has more of than they know;
Sins, debt, and foes.
Click HERE to see what others are asking.
Click HERE to get your copy of HottywoodHelps.com’s d… Read More
2016-06-02 19:28
Tracks of an Underground Advice Columnist
HottywoodHelps.com now brings to you its debut book, “Tracks of an Underground Advice Columnist,“ the first of an Ask Hottywoo… Read More
2016-06-02 19:05
Click HERE to see what others are asking.
Click HERE to get your copy of HottywoodHelps.com’s debut novel,
“Tracks of an Underground Advice Columnist” Read More
2016-05-19 13:16
2016-05-13 15:23
Happy Friday, people.
Don’t do anything I wouldn’……
Ah hell. Never mind Read More
2016-05-10 13:44
“Fridays should never fall on a Monday.”
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Click HERE t… Read More
2016-05-09 19:03
Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.
This week’s HORRORscope is for all of the zodiac signs.
“Your nipples will expand to the size of
flap-jacks.&rdquo&helli…Read More
2016-05-03 14:30
Dear Hottywood,
I think I have a crush on one of my co-workers. The head on my shoulders is telling me to avoid an office romance at all costs (things never go well when I don’t listen… Read More
2016-05-02 15:41
Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
P.M. is the best time for plastic surgery; A.M. is a good time to buy breath mints wholesale… Read More
2016-04-28 15:21
If you’re lucky, you may see Elvis Presley buying a pack of C batteries at a 24 hour Walgreen’s.
But only if you’re lucky.
Click HERE to see what others are asking
or di… Read More
2016-04-27 13:38
Someone is going to thank me for this later.
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or dial
(302) 36HOTTY to leave your question for our Ask Hottywood advice column
Click HERE to get y… Read More
2016-04-21 14:00
(see yesterday’s 4/20 post to understand what the hell we’re talking about)
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or dial
(302) 36HOTTY to leave your question for our Ask Ho… Read More
2016-04-21 14:00
(see yesterday’s 4/20 post to understand what the hell we’re talking about)
Click HERE to see what others are asking
or dial
(302) 36HOTTY to leave your question for our Ask Ho… Read More
2016-04-20 19:47
Click HERE to see what others are asking
or dial
(302) 36HOTTY to leave your question for our Ask Hottywood advice column
Click HERE to get your copy of HottywoodHelps.com’s… Read More
2016-04-19 14:30
Guys and gals, welcome to Spring; a change of season and a transition of a host of things that transcend from bad to worse. Don’t get me wrong, we say goodbye to a lot of things… Read More
2016-04-18 13:27
Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Working from 8 to 5 and playing from 7 to 4 leaves you with just enough time to fill those b… Read More
2016-04-07 18:17
Click HERE to see what others are asking
or dial
(302) 36HOTTY to leave your question for our Ask Hottywood advice column
Click HERE to get your copy of HottywoodHelps.com’s debut… Read More
2016-03-31 14:30
MEMO
TO: Superior Managers of If I Told You I’d Have To Kill You (IITYIHTKY) Enterprises
FROM: HNIC, No One Matters But Me Department
SUBJECT: Permission to Replace O… Read More
2016-03-23 14:30
As much as some of us hate to admit it, every single one of us has a little bit of snob in us. There are the hidden snobs that prefer bottled water over tap; the snobs that prefer “lou… Read More
2016-03-21 14:34
Here’s a little encouragement from me to you:
If I can do it, I know damn well you can! Because believe me when I tell you I can be a lazy so and so when I want to be. ~Hottywood… Read More
2016-03-14 15:40
Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Remove the “L” from Lover and there you have it; OVER.
Aquarius
January 20 &ndas&helli…Read More
2016-03-01 14:00
Fellas, today is the one day that you really don’t want to wear deodorant – especially if you’re single or once hooked up with a woman who saw hearts on your nipples instea… Read More
2016-02-23 14:04
I’m going to pick door number 2 for $200, Alex.
Quote of the week: The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook. ~Julia Child … Read More
2016-02-18 14:01
“There’s nothing more dangerous than a man taking pride in the wrong thing.”
Quote of the week: “Every perfect person has a flaw. And that fl… Read More
2016-02-17 20:32
You mean to tell me there’s a particular day set aside???
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or dial
(302) 36HOTTY to leave your question for our Ask Hottywood advice column
C… Read More
2016-02-17 15:30
There are three things every man should remember as he grows older.
**!**
(1) Never walk by a bathroom without making a pit stop.
(2) Never ignore an erection.
(3) Never under… Read More
2016-02-16 16:14
. . . with dead swine and roses!
Click HERE to get your copy of HottywoodHelps.com’s debut novel,
“Tracks of an Underground Advice Columnist” Read More
2016-02-14 15:00
Today is Valentine’s Day – the day for spouses and fornicating significant others and side pieces and online sex hook uppers. Today is the day when 90% of the planet’s popu… Read More
2016-02-08 14:37
Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
There is a difference between butterflies and bubble guts.
Aquarius
January 20 – Febru… Read More
2016-02-01 21:15
Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.
Today’s HORRORscopes goes to all of the zodiac signs. You can thank me later.
Sincerely,
~Hottywood
Click HERE to see… Read More
2016-01-19 15:18
Find out what your luck has in store for you this week.
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Always trust anyone that you meet at the local MVA who dons faux hazel eyes. They don’… Read More
2016-01-14 19:44
2016-01-12 15:00
So this morning you woke up to a warm body next to you and was served breakfast in bed with the groceries you purchased with your hard earned money. Did you miss something? Somew… Read More
2016-01-07 15:30
Over the last 365 days (plus six more days), I’ve observed a lot of people and the impact their behavior has had on society and the people in it. And what I’ve learned… Read More
2016-01-06 15:00
It doesn’t take long to get back into the swing of office hum-drum after spending days away of celebrating the Christmas/New Year holiday season. What makes me an expert in this truth… Read More
2015-12-22 15:30
People come into our lives and leave just as quickly as they came. Most folks, who have no better explanation, say that those people are welcomed into our space for a reason. It… Read More
2015-12-21 15:00
A LETTER TO OLD ST. NICK
Dear Santa,
I’ve been thinking. For the last couple of days I’ve had the pleasure of going all ‘Terminator’ on those barricuda Christma… Read More
2015-12-16 15:30
Unless you were born under a rock or are a descendant of the infamous Ebenezer Scrooge, you know the Christmas season is a time for giving (for those of you that celebrate Christmas). What b… Read More
2015-12-15 20:16
“No response is a response. Sometimes you just have to let go.
It hurts, but hurt heals.”
…also,
breaking windows helps. But don’t quote me on that Read More
2015-12-14 21:19
2006-06-07 11:16
Even though we are well passed the New Year’s Resolution mark, it’s never too late to let go of some stuff in the current year. IT'S BETTER TO LET IT OUT AND BE ASHAMED THAN TO H… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Find out what your luck has in store for you this week Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Today is one of those days where my middle finger is the perfect answer to every question Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Find out what your luck has in store for you this week Read More
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