Life moves an almost lightening speed and you have to be prepared for it. When we aren’t is when the little things affect us the most, and we feel as though we are free falling. In fact I think the opposite is happening, it’s a teaching moment for us. If we show up as our authentic selves what is the worst that can happen? You can’t stunt your growth if you never began the steps to make it Happen. Let’s dive in shall we?
From the time we are able to understand consequences as a child to becoming an adult, where let’s be honest it’s no longer an “oops” moment. I’ve made mistakes in my life, that looking back on I can’t remember why I did. That’s the part of Growing up no one really explains, it’s also the evolving of the person you are. Playing small throughout my life has proven very futile and let me tell you firsthand it’s annoying. Being something or someone other than what you truly are is exhausting, often to the point where you wonder, am I an imposter? The answer here is no, you aren’t, but not fully into your transition to something that is so much more than what you imagined.
The way I see it is, while we see the growth in what we do, we are also afraid of that movement. Slowly we trickle back to familiar actions and behaviors, hoping that they hold a clue to the Mystery. That mystery is life, and although it’s an ongoing one, we must make peace with our past and demons, in order to propel ourselves forward. No one ever said that it was easy, to say goodbye or to even close the chapters on parts of our lives, we always left a bookmark in. The thing is most times, we can’t recover what’s been broken, and it’s hurts, you mourn for that person you once were. It happens unexpectedly, where you wake up one day and it clicks together, you begin your deep journey of healing.
As someone who goes through it on a daily basis, I have to say it’s definitely a work in progress. The day that I decided that enough was enough, that I was just existing but not living, was the day I took my life back. Grabbing the reigns was the biggest step I could have taken, instead of being the passenger, I was the driver of my vessel. I know it’s important to check in with yourself, when you struggle and I had basically checked out completely. When you lose your drive for the smallest thing in life, how can you possibly achieve the biggest ones? In fact you don’t, you spiral for a little bit, whipping in the wind, uncertain about your next step. That’s when the real you begins to appear, the stripped barebones and now humbled individual comes into sight.
As you take the steps that you need to become the person you dreamed of, let that shit fall away. It’s hard in the beginning, to look yourself in the mirror and admit, this is not what you planned for yourself. You wipe away the tears and you get to work. What makes you happiest is exactly what you are striving for. Keep that in the back of mind, as time passes, 30,60 and 90 days from that time, look back and reflect. Either you went forward with progress or you impeded your growth. It’s important to understand and have patience for yourself as this continues. Lifestyle changes will have to go into effect, otherwise the temptations will always be there. Know your worth and add tax as they say, more importantly live your life to your standards, no one else’s. And when the finally piece of the puzzle falls into place, the vision board, the sleepless nights with tears in your eyes and the rejection, will all be a fleeting moment. You have made it, and even if your name isn’t in lights, you won. The prize you see has been to get the person you lost back, return to sender. The happiness and relief that you feel after all the growth you have gone through, is indescribable. I am living proof that it’s works, you have to also believe in your soul, in your heart you are worth more than the current circumstances in your life.
In closing I would like to say thank you to everyone in my life for the 2 years that I’ve encountered. While I fought a very private battle of depression and anxiety, the public part of me very suffering. I took a lot to dig myself out of that hole, to get to the point where I could share my stories and experiences. Now these have world wide, and it’s not just a small thing to me, it’s a community that I built, even when no one believed this would work. I kept going, I used word of mouth and my podcast and I paid for my own advertisement, because I believed this was worth it. Two years later I’ve finally made it, I was honored with an award for mental health awareness and
that is worth more than a million dollars to me. I don’t do this for money, I do it because I know that my voice is such a thread to the needle, that the stigma needs to be broken. I share so that you knew, this is a safe place, no judgement and always love and support. Thank you for growing with me, as individual and writer, it’s been a journey I will never forget.