This is it, the final countdown at my current position at work, and the last weekend I will be working for quite awhile. One of the perks of having a 9-5 position is less of a chance of burnout, and for that I am thankful. In my adult life working this will be the first time that I’ve had weekends and holidays off, you best believe I will be making sure I’m productive. I have been leading a quiet life for about a month now, less destructions, Changed my eating habits and became a vegan, became certified in meditation, and following it up with Reiki I. I never realized up until now how important inner peace is, I’ve never felt so relaxed. I spend less time on social media, which has helped some of my anxiety subside, because who needs the comparison of the things others have, especially celebs. Adopting a minimalist lifestyle was my next step to healing myself. As Marie Kondo would say “if it doesn’t spark joy, get rid of it”. Secretly I don’t think she was just talking about items, but life in general. If I don’t feel the same way about something, it’s time to look into the mindset behind it.
As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, dynamics in my relationships have changed, whether by choice or not. The one thing I have realized that people you thought were in your corner, aren’t always going to be there for you. Whether you have shared beliefs or not at the end of the day, self preservation is important. There are countless reasons why this happens: money, status, narcissism, but we have to move on, everyone has a chapter in your story, just not the epilogue. As days go by, what once would cause me to fall apart, I’ve taken as a lesson, and apply it to my everyday life. I sit here in my office, and can comfortable say I’m happy. My personality has changed dramatically, I’m more soft spoken, as where I was outgoing before, but was that the real me? I’ve never felt so much like the person I was meant to be until now. Everything had to truly fall apart for me to find that part that was missing.
In the past I focused on this just being about my anxiety and the relationships I have, now I realize this is my life I’m sharing. My ups and downs are public record, so share the genuine version of Taaury. The one that stumbles at times, is broken at times, who learns so much about herself daily. I’m human, at the end of the day, the only approval I look for is from myself. Sometimes I get stuck under the layers of what I think people expect me to be, and that makes me drown in self doubt. Showing up everyday whether I feel 100% is what I know is most important here. Writer’s block happens to me when I feel uninspired, I have half written post in my drafts, because I say to myself, bring the content that matters most. Not every post has to be happy or sad, but what I do hope is for it to be inspiring, for you to find your own experiences somewhere immersed within mine.
With my new perspective, I hope that this journey in the life of Taaury37 is more enjoyable. Going back to school to get a degree was also the biggest wake up call I needed, there has been something missing from my wall . While all my certifications are nice, a piece of paper saying “you did the damn thing” is going to be something I savor most. This pandemic has taught me so much, that I am capable of anything that I set my mind to, including the impossible. Last year at this time I was standing at a register miserable, unable to figure out a game plan, then the events that jump started my life began. Looking back on how quickly that all happened, the experiences I’ve gone through, the growth I’ve had to continuously experience, I wouldn’t change for a minute. Every chapter in life must come to a end, closure or not. I know the person I am now, is the one who I was destined to become. Roll with the punches, because when you get that chance for the knockout, take it.
I will end this with a moment from the other night: Ace and myself were having a Conversation and I was emotional (it was my time of the month), and I started to cry. The conversation was about how I see myself, with the changes in my body. He mentioned something, and the waterworks happened. My response was that I wish I could see myself through his eyes. Ace, has always been 110% honest about everything, and he can’t see the body dysmorphia issues I suffer from . This went back and forth for about an hr, he ended the conversation with “You are beautiful Taaury, I love you for everything that you are, and everything that I am”. If you have never experienced unconditional love, this man provides that and so much more emotionally. He is my best friend and soulmate, I could never thank him enough. There is so much about this life that isn’t perfect, but there are moments, effortlessly that make it flow together. The love you are seeking doesn’t always exist with someone else, it starts within the ventricles and atria and ends a with sinus rhythm which controls your heartbeat. Until your last breath cherish it with all that you have.
P.S. shout out to Chels, the future Yang of cardio ✨