And anybody who knows me is cognizant of the fact that I can't stand basic broads. Forgive my French! Hello single ladies! Heart check, how are we doing this week? I'm trying to stay positive. So gather arounc with your wine glasses parce que, we are hatin'...sic!

What do I consider 'basic'? The urban dictionary defines basic as someone who is unflinchingly upholding of the status quo and stereotypes of their gender without even realizing it. She engages in typical, unoriginal behaviors, modes of dress, speech, and likes.¹ Through my journey of femininity, I believe that the above definition is to an extent sexist. Females should doll up and look pretty like flowers. That's the allure of being a woman. What I call 'basic' is the actual lack of personality, and/or emotional intelligence. Simply put, just 'beige'!

 

Now we are aiming to be high value Women, not just for the dating-relationship aspect, but for the becoming. A high value woman by definition is someone who is not just highly sought after by men but is someone who knows her inherent value and can hold her own, regardless of what people say or do to her. In addition a high value woman, cares about herself and others - in short, she has emotional intelligence. With that said, ladies gather around and let me tell you a story.

As per usual, my neighbours (budding friends), my sister and myself enjoy our weekend girls night in with our wine. Catching up on shenanigans, playing dress up and empowering each other. Being the accommodative individuals that we are, we invited a new neighbour. My sister actually knows this young lady through a cousin of ours. After having conversations with this young lady, it made sense why she gets along with my cousin. With love, my cousin isn't the brightest crayon in the colouring box. She's a hustler, mad respect for that, but it ends there. So back to let's call her Miss Thang, we were trying to get to know each other, you know like on a generic level. Lawd, I rolled my eyes like a teenager with attitude. So the conversations where mostly bragging about having high profile penis, travelling, her degree, the who's-who she knows, I'm already exhausted. All I can say is that she left very little to be desired. Let’s not getting twisted. This girl is really pretty and you know she’s achieved. She’s got her things together. But the truth is, it’s it was more of the type of conversation we were having. 

 

I’m socially awkward for days because I am a workaholic, so my conversations are work oriented. Of different conversations I engage in, I tend to be off putting because I like to talk smart and show off that I read a lot. However over time, I’ve learned to accommodate people. To achieve the social life that I have now, I’ve learnt that there are certain conversations for certain people. Well since the pandemic, my social life are my neighbours.

Let's learn to read the spaces that we enter. With my neighbours, we drink, dance and laugh. In creative circles, we talk music, art, verzuz battles et cetera. And then when I meet corporate, I discuss business and the things that I do. That’s the art of engaging, so here’s the news ladies. If you want to get along with people, then learn to speak at their level. You lose nothing from not mentioning the Jag that you have parked outside. Or your Oxford degree. Jonga, most of us don't care because we have actual problems. 

Actually, let me revert. Throughout our journey we’ve been discussing about becoming high value women. Women who have self respect. Women whose vagenda has a real agenda. An aspirational agenda to be to be precise. I’m not going to make this conversation long because I would go to town with this and I love to. But I'm here for the teaching moment. Let us encourage each other to have conversations that show the women we are. Women who are intuitive, nurturing and aware of what's going on. Be likeable!

You’re not working to be liked by everyone, but the idea is to have substance. What you wear, who you sleep with doesn't make you a high value woman. Your charm comes from connecting with people on both an emotional and intellectual level without condescension. A basic female competes with other women. She shows off what she has, or who she knows. A high value woman empowers other women. She also understands that sex doesn't define her. While she captures male attention, she isn't participating in the 'pick me' culture.

When you think of it where we want to be, these relationships or whatever we’re aspiring then we change our conversations. So, 

I left earlier than I wanted to but I did have work next day. My neighbours and I come from very different worlds but we make it work. We I spesk about life and not necessarily the miserable things, but inspire and encourage each other. We exchange ideas, they teach me girly stuff and I show them wealth mentality. When it's time to celebrate, we eat, drink and be merry. As I mentioned in a previous blog about about female friendships, we need to respect and appreciate each other for our differences. Help each other become better communities and even the families we aspire to have. 

In conclusion, the next time we enter these rooms and we are on this platform, let’s have positive conversations. Let's open up to each other without judgement and we are looking towards bonding through healing. I am about healing. I’m about becoming a better woman. About empowering the next woman to be the best version of herself. And sometimes it will come with hard uncomfortable truths. But this is what this space is about. Our conversations are about unlearning, growing and healing. Let's aspire to change the female narrative. More high value women and less basic females. 

Why be beige when you can be a bright diamond?

Until the next time, keep those eyebrows on fleek, wear them heels, wear that mask, wash the hands, and keeps yourself safe!

P.S.: Always write your own love story! 

Ciao!

Lady E