Hi everyone, sorry for being gone for a while now
It’s been a tough few weeks and today isn’t the best day either but I wanted to give a bit of an update for you guys and for myself, just to write it all out…
So the biggest thing right now is that my boyfriend just Moved.
We’ve been together for 14 months now, and for that time, we’ve seen each other basically every day, and when we couldn’t every day, it was at least twice a week.
He moved for School two and a half hours away which is hard. Yes, we can call and video chat but it’s not the same, and it’s hard just knowing he’s not the usual five minute drive away.
To anyone who didn’t know, I have anxiety and I think dependent personality disorder. I find myself thinking up all the things that could go wrong without him here like he’ll meet someone new, be too Busy to talk to me, fall out of love…all that fun stuff. And without him so close, I feel isolated and alone because of my dependency. He’s been there for all my breakdowns, all the times I missed him so much it hurt. And he can’t be here for it now.
It’s only been 3 days and it’s already difficult… I don’t know how well I’ll be managing this ahah
Another update, school.
So I’m taking an extra year of highschool but after talking to my mom, I might drop the second half and do online college courses. I’d be doing office administration which definitely isn’t a dream job, but it’ll pay the bills I guess.
I’m stressing about that a bit because although I’ll be able to live at home, it’ll be a heavy workload because it’s college, plus, the first month of classes, I’ll still be taking my highschool courses. Thankfully, it’s just two and fairly easy, but it’s the busy month with assignments and exams.. so it’s kind of daunting.
I think I’ll do it, it’ll just be a lot.
Also, I’ve been applying for part time jobs and there’s like no one hiring where I live other than fast food which I can’t deal with.
It’s pretty stressful.
Mental health wise, my mood has been down for a bit, might be depression, who knows. I just say I’m neutral which lately has included numb. So there’s that. And I’m not sure my insomnia has necessarily gotten better…I’ve just been staying up so late that I crash as soon as I hit the pillow. But I can’t do that once school starts, so I might be back to melatonin again soon.
So there’s my little update. I’m sure I’ll have another soon, but I’m not sure when I’ll be back.
Till next time,