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How to get a bae 101.

What a time to be alive!

Sure, life was much simpler in the past, and times might seem uncertain at the moment, but I must say the future holds a certain fascinating tease of excitement. I Love knowing that I am living in a time of endless possibilities and advancements. Knowing that I, and the ones coming after me, hold the future in our hands is just beyond astounding to me. I can honestly say I feel privileged to be a part of this lifetime. But, even with all my girlish giddiness for my era, there have been many moments that my fellow millennial’s have left me like that shrugging emoji with a confused look on it’s face (you know the one).

Let me explain.

The other day I was on twitter just tweeting away and I saw that singer, Ciara, posted a video of a preacher saying, “If a woman wants to find a husband, first she must act like a wife,”

….. Annddd the internet threw a hissy fit.

Now, why would seemingly useful advice to live by leave so many feeling so “butt hurt”? Because, aside from aspiring to be baddies and savages and spending money on nipple pasties and sneakers, the concept of positioning ones self to be in a healthy and stable relationship seems to be unfathomable. But yet if I were to show someone this:

They would have no problem what so ever relating.

Why? Because it’s easier.

Since I am being completely honest; I’ll admit that being in any kind of relationship is hard on its own (and maintaining said relationship is even harder). The facts are all there; statistics show that 50% of all marriages end in divorce and 1 out of every 3 children grow up in a one parent home. Even so, I feel like over they years, there has a been a certain passivity when it comes to love. There are so many that compare love with being a feeling, that they even consider the person they are with as a feeling, and once that feeling is lost the relationship then becomes obsolete. And love my friends is most definitely not a feeling.

Feelings are fleeting, unstable and unpredictable. Love is not.

Anything that you really love you will guard and protect it and there is nothing about it that makes you afraid or unsure. Love is a constant, or a safe place, and relationships only become scary when one of two things happen:

  1. A person goes into a relationship with either a closed heart
  2. Or with a wrong mindset

If you know that a past experience has left you shaken; Take Time To Heal. Closing up your heart so you won’t get hurt again only attracts someone or another experience that will leave you hurt you worse than before. Have you ever heard someone say, “The last person I was with took advantage of my emotions, so I became cold with the one I am with now and I’m so happy”? Yeah, me either. Not only will you end up even more unhappy, you are also adding another person to that same cycle of unhappiness. Nothing thrives unless it’s cared for, that includes you as a person.

Heal your heart before you give it out to the world and watch what you will get back in return.

And don’t take someone who is ready to settle down along your journey of experiencing life because you kind-of sort-of “like” them. You can do that on your own without using their heart as collateral. It is extremely selfish not to allow that person to experience life for themselves also. In other words, if you have absolutely no intentions on doing right by someone, leave them alone.

Truth of the matter is you really cannot love anything until you know how to love yourself.

Yes, I know that the message of “self love” has been way over preached, and loving yourself can be rather difficult, especially since we live in a world where every enabler to mask any insecurity is available, but that really is the first step to loving anyone or anything. You can never give what you dont have, and you can never get what you have never given. After all, the blind can’t lead the blind.

This post first appeared on Evolution, please read the originial post: here

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How to get a bae 101.


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