Courting is “Behavior designed to persuade someone to marry or develop a romantic relationship with one.”

In an age of progressiveness, is courting still a “thing”? In traditional and non-traditional dating, does the “feminine” individual become automatically exempt from the responsibility to court? If not, is that individual expected to do so in the same manner by which the masculine one does… or are there different “acceptable” actions?

Courting while dating is a process by which two people (should) put their best self forward while still showing their true flaws – as to not be misleading – in showing their romantic interest who they are and what they’re about, but most importantly, what life would be like if the two of you were together.
In our society, the typical ways a “gent” is “expected” to court is by proposing, hosting, arranging, and paying for the activities of the date.  In return, the “lady” is “expected” to reciprocate with kindness, gratitude, appreciative gestures, availability, communication… and in some cases, sex. (we’re all adults here, and that’s a very real “expectation”)

Under this approach however, how realistic is it for that to sustain once an official commitment is established and you two become a unit? Are we setting ourselves up for failure in this regard? Are we being fair or are we fantasizing?

How much of the “us” is actually demanding of “us” versus “one of us” in order to preserve a satisfactory lifestyle for “both of us“?

So courting while dating – the nature of the acts is to create desire, to set yourself apart from the “crowd” and to cast this light upon yourself that tells your partner “he/she is the one for me, and with him/her is where I want to be.” As poetic as it sounds, and as uplifting as it feels when someone courts you, do you reciprocate in a manner that gives them the same high?

Some prefer to be wined and dined at the finest restaurants, given gifts like jewelry, flown from city to city on a whim, lavishly treated, etc all at their partner’s: proposal, hosting, arrangement, and expense.  It makes them feel valued in a way… nothing wrong with that, everyone views love/care/value differently.

Some prefer to be given time, attention, compliments, adoration, physical touch and other gestures all at their partner’s: proposal, hosting, arrangement, and expense.

Some prefer all of the above and don’t mind helping with their partner’s: proposal, hosting, arrangement, and expense.

And some just simply enjoy the experience of being courted by more than one person no matter the level reciprocated. Variety is the spice of life – and for some it’s achieved through many individuals.

In any scenario it boils down to a desire to be loved in the way in which makes them feel loved and (hopefully) a equal willingness to love/value their partner in the ways he/she best receives it.

For those who believe in the essence of courting, we face the following challenges:

– How to receive courtship (to your satisfaction) without being mistaken as materialist.

– How to court simply and impactfully without being mistaken as cheap.

– How to court with grand gestures without appearing presumptive or of poor motive.

– How to receive great gestures without improper implied obligations.

– How to decline an act of courtship respectfully? (Either in effort to communicate the level of effort isn’t to your satisfaction or just that you’re disinterested in the individual overall.)

– How to court without being taken advantage of.

– How to court without implying every encounter will be grandiose AND on you.

– How to communicate the level of courtship you deem satisfactory without being mistaken as “entitled” or otherwise “unrealistic“.

How do you balance it all?

Most men and women would give their all for a person they truly care for – they just want that person to show themselves “worth it”. Everyone wants to feel wanted, everyone wants to feel “earned” and therefore appreciated and valued. Everyone wants to be courted. But there’s a thin line between how you feel and how you come across…

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and click “June 2017: The Mark of Men” to continue the journey.

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