Sometimes you want to be that person who only focuses on the good. Who sees the bright side of any issue. Who tells others there will always be a silver lining.
But then there is a Reality that punches you in the face. It grabs you by the throat and sucker punches you until you cannot speak. That, my friends was my Tuesday. Tuesday night my spouse revealed to me a relapse had happen in his recover. Clean for over 14 years but not anymore. Ok, that’s extreme. He had a slip up, he’s not actively using anymore but he did. I was…no, I AM crushed. My trust has crumbled. I am hurt and in a horrible movie-lile nightmare in which I cannot escape. I just want to click my heels and wake up from this bad dream, but here we are…very much awake.
I feel overall very numb. I’m emotionless and yet full of emotion. I’m hurt and feel to blame. Hopefully we will get back to where we were but I didn’t much love that either.
Being a grown up sucks! Being a mom, a wife, a woman…it’s all so very hard. Being a Christian is difficult and being a person feels impossible. I’m detached from reality a bit right now. Hopefully something or sometime will allow me to find myself and my goals again.