Men, we’re a bit simple, right?

Well, we’ll have you know we’re actually incredibly complex creatures with a myriad of incredibly complex thoughts running through our minds at any given time…

Only joking.

We’re always thinking about boobs. Almost constantly. And on a first date, in between those thoughts, we’re certainly thinking the following:

1. The number one reason we’re sat together in this trendy, slightly too expensive wine bar is because you looked smokin’ hot in your profile picture. Superficial? Perhaps. But it’s the truth.

2. As the awkwardness abates and we settle into a classic first date conversation, we’ve already checked out your cleavage, several times. And when it’s your round, we’ll have another look at the back of you as you walk to the bar. Sorry, not sorry.

3. Now that we’ve established that we’re spending the first portion of the first date checking you out, feel free to aim some flattery back at us. We like to hear if you’ve noticed that we’re bringing our A-game.

4. If we ask you to “look over there” or “what do you think of that?” and point at something in the bar, we’re almost certainly looking at your boobs again. We’re so sorry.

5. We will notice if we’re the ones reaching for our wallets constantly. Please at least offer to go Dutch and split the bill. We’re skint too, you know.

6. We might appear the epitome of confidence, but we’re actually fraught with first date nerves. Please pretend you find our stories interesting and our jokes amusing. If you could, that would be swell.

7. If you are glued to your smartphone, we’ll notice. And we don’t want to hear about any crazy emotional drama. There’s a reason we don’t watch Hollyoaks.

8. If we do or say something embarrassing, please don’t Tweet about it. Of course we Internet-stalked you before the date, and your number of followers is frankly intimidating.

9. In between thinking about, and looking at, your boobs, we’ve probably already imagined the rest of our lives together. House, car, kids, dog, gerbil, caravan holidays, the lot. Does that make us soppy? You betcha.

10. When the first date comes to an end, we would quite like a clue as to how it went. Did we do good? Do you want to do this again? Maybe a quick snog would be a good hint. You know, if you want.

11. If we’re not feeling that spark of physical attraction when we first meet, then chances are we won’t be looking for a second date. But we’d expect the same treatment from you. That being said…

12. We’re afraid of getting hurt, so please, if you don’t like us, let us down gently.

So ladies, you’ve had a little glimpse into the mind of the male of the species. What will you do with your new found information? Let us know on Facebook or Twitter.

Just remember, with great power comes great responsibility.

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