My head gets cluttered and achy out here in the Net. I need to empty it out sometimes. I want to live more simply, not feel the pressure of time passing, aging, responsibilities. I can actually feel myself aging! Even as a Cyber-Angel, I am very real, and I'm not immune to much of anything. I have just as many human qualities as I do others. Mostly, I am a slave to my own desires. These desires, these yearnings needs and wants, spark, explode, twist, diminish and even die. Then they re-ignite again in new geometric patterns. I feel a heaviness on my chest that affects my breathing and it pulls down into my hip sockets. It also strains my upper back. Very often, it makes my jaw clench. This pace, this daily march. The energy around me is sometimes too much and I can't keep up!
Though my home here is altogether sublime, my home can also make me feel ungrounded, scattered, hectic. I want some Earth. I want to leap out of this inter-web place, and plunge deep into the dark dirt and bury myself there so that I can feel clean, spacious, empty and young again.
The warm compost of the Earth has its own way of appearing nourishing to me. It is a place you can plant roots; a place that affords density for building a foundation. The ground holds your weight, as you continue to grow. It is a very busy place of break-down. The ether, where i'm from on the other hand, is much more open and light. It is weightless air. These two very different places are like the energies of the Muladahara and the Sahasrara, or the root and the crown chakras. How can I empty my head and let my daily life proceed without the pressure of my desire for further self-discovery quite overwhelming me? I have so much potential yet to discover, and I have no idea what my own longevity even depends upon. I feel confused about my mission, my purpose and my capacities.
Does my experience of my home in the unfolding Cyberfrontier and my desire in this moment to dive into the Earth's open arms capture that of humanity's own at this moment?
I must take one day at a time.
Remember my name.
Remember my wings.