Who Else Wants To Be More Compassionate?
One of my all time favorite lines from a movie was from Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde, many years ago
“Exercise gives you endorphins! Endorphins make you happy! And happy people just don’t shoot their husbands!”
It was her (surprisingly valid) defense for a murder case that she was representing. We all laughed of course, but there’s proof in the pudding. It’s actually true!
Say’s The Mayo Clinic:
Personality disorders can significantly disrupt the lives of both the affected person and those who care about that person. Personality Disorders may cause problems with relationships, work or school, and can lead to social isolation or alcohol or drug abuse.
Yep, heavy stuff – not really my realm of expertise.
Putting Self-Compassion First
However I do know a little about becoming a bit more compassionate – towards myself, and others. I’m by no means nice to people all the time, but as each year goes by I grow into becoming more self-aware.
Planning my happiness, and therefore how many fucks I’ll give (awesome book) about something is all dependent on how much care I’ve given to myself. Have I eaten well today? Had my workout, drank water, enjoyed some quality time with those I love? Taken a moment to put on makeup?
Practicing self-compassion throughout the day in mini-bites fills up my cup so that I’m a nicer person to be around. This especially helps when I feel super mad at a person or a situation. It allows me to keep my cool without saying something I’ll regret.
DISCLAIMER: Most of the time!
How It Started
This morning I got up at my usual time to head to the gym, just after 5.30am. Everything was normal, just the way I like it.
As you can probably see from reading my bio, I’m pretty big on personal development. Always pushing myself to be better, in all areas of my life. I’m pretty good to myself too, I mean, after my workout I go to drive-through Starbucks as part of my daily routine to write my to-do list for the day ahead. Best done while petting my puppy and sipping soy cappuccino of course. You can probably tell that I don’t have small children who need to get to school in the morning, or a corporate job to clock into.
Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you
My Light Bulb
Driving home, I listened to my favorite podcast at the moment – Chalene Johnson, Life & Fitness Coach. Specifically, How To Finish What You Start. She talked about having trouble getting a book written, back-and-forth with outsourced employees until finally she took control and did it herself. Her reason for not doing it herself was that she ‘wasn’t a good writer’ and was ‘super slow at writing’.
I thought to myself, damn, that’s totally what I’m going through right now! All of the business training that I’ve done promote building your team and delegating things that, well, you don’t want to do. But is it worth the headache? And by the time you write out all the instructions for them, or coach them on the task that needs to be done, what could have been accomplished in that time if you’d just done it yourself?
So Chalene took the book project back, this wonderful woman whom I absolutely admire. She then spent months smashing it out and – drum roll – finished it.
Yep, she had all the resources to not do something she didn’t want to do, but chose to do it anyways. I really raise my glass to her.
Becoming Better Every Day Is The Goal
Everything is figureoutable – Marie Forleo
The first step towards being more compassionate to others is most definitely being kinder to yourself. Compliment yourself! Believe that you can do stuff, or at least figure out how to do stuff if you hunker down and give it some brain power. Chalene mentioned in her podcast that her WHY was the end goal – she’ll be creating something that she’s really proud of, that will benefit many people. And these are wise words that we can all integrate.
TIP: Set yourself little action steps that will lead you closer to the bigger goal, instead of being frustrated that you’re not achieving the actual goal yet. When you’re mad about that, you’ll be mad to anyone you contract to help you. But when you change the things that you can control, maybe tomorrow you’ll do it again. Start by changing what you can control, not the big lofty goals.
Why Compassion Fails
Until you can be kinder to yourself, there’s just no way you can authentically be nice to others. Fight the enemy within and don’t make excuses about why you’re not happy in your life, professionally or personally. When you’re annoyed with yourself, others will feel it.
Take ownership of your mistakes and know when you need to ‘log off’ from life. This could mean walking your dogs, going for a coffee, writing a gratitude journal, going for a kick ass workout. Refuel your whole self, mentally, spiritually and emotionally whenever you catch the opportunity. The people around you will benefit from you feeling less frazzled, less doubtful of yourself.
Compassion fails towards others when you feel like you’re not getting enough towards you. Truth bomb: it’s easier to be nice to a relaxed, easy-going person.
Resources To Help You Care More About Yourself
15 Ways to Become a Better Person
10 Ways of Showing Compassion
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
33 Simple Ways To Fall Back In Love With Your Life
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This post first appeared on Womens Fitness Blogs - Turning Judgement Into Kind, please read the originial post: here