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January 14, 2012

It was the day I finally added you on Facebook. Your first message to me was "SA WAKAS!" because it took a while for us to add each other since we had no common friends. Perhaps it was a sign that you and I were not meant to be in each other's life. Maybe, maybe not.

Tonight, things just unraveled and I found myself not having anyone that I would like to talk to. Even the guy I'm "seeing" wasn't an option because he's busy and I know that he's tired. If I'm going to be honest, I don't know him well enough to just rant and tell him the nonsense that is on my head. I don't know if he likes me enough to handle the madness at this stage.

I haven't been sad this year. I have been too busy making myself successful and succeeding at it too but tonight, it just crept in. I was tired. I was sad. I was not okay.

I was not okay and I thought of you. FML. The first time that I did not feel okay and you are the person I think of. You who I haven't spoken to in over a year, who has most likely forgotten about me already ... you are the one person that I would like to talk to, see, and just vent things to.

I should bang my head against the wall.

I peeked at your profile. The publick posts that I saw seem to show that you are okay and happy. You guys are still together so that's something. I am still by myself and I don't think I'd ever be with someone. I guess I'm just not meant for that.

I think you still follow me on IG and Twitter but that is most likely just because you couldn't be bothered to deal with unfollowing me. I'm irrelevant that way. Of course I am. I'm just an ex. I mean nothing.

I've been wanting to text you or call you. It's a good thing I deleted your number. I shouldn't. I don't have the right to bother you anymore. This feeling will pass. Tomorrow when I wake up, I will remember that I have a good life and I have come a long way. This is just a passing moment, one that will be gone by tomorrow.

Tomorrow, when I wake up, you won't matter again, the same way I don't matter to you anymore. For now, I'll just read on all the things we spoke about on our chats on Facebook and break my heart all over again so that tomorrow, there won't be anything to break anymore.

This post first appeared on Life Is Kulayful ..., please read the originial post: here

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January 14, 2012


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