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SHAZAM is Lame

Billy Batson is said to be the orphan with a heart of gold. The wizard Shazam blessed him with the powers of six Greek Gods allowing him to transform into the hero SHAZAM by yelling his name. With his new power Billy set out to change the world with his heroics. But, guess what? He's lame.

1. His name was originally Captain Marvel, a named shared with lots of Marvel Comics heroes. Great job with that one.

2. SHAZAM is possibly an even stupider name.

3. He gives Captain Marvel Jr. the same powers but makes him yell Captain Marvel to get them. That's not arrogant at all.

4. He's been around since 1940 but still hasn't finished puberty.

5. He's a blatant copy of Superman.

6. His name was Captain Thunder, then Captain Marvel, then Captain Thunder again, back to Captain Marvel and now he's SHAZAM. Pick a name and stick with it.

7. He feuded with Captain Marvel Jr because Freddy tried to date Billy's foster sister.

8. Black Adam, his arch nemesis is more popular than he is.

9. He caused Fawcett Comics to go out of business. He's such a copy of Superman that DC sued Fawcett City Comics and won. Causing them to pay DC royalties. Eventually they closed down and DC just bought the rights. If you ever wondered why he was present when all the versions of Superman teamed up in Final Crisis, it's because he's just a copy of Superman.

10. Uncle Marvel was an old man that learned the secret identities of the Marvel Family. He wanted to be a hero like them instead they gave him the power to change costume and lied to him about having the same powers as everyone else. They told him his Shazambago was acting up and thats why he couldn't use his powers, they also lied about making him their manager. Essentially they played a decade long prank on an old man because they weren't protective of their secret identities. Heart of Gold Billy has right?

11. Black Adam is a great villain, his other villains include; Captain Nazi, a space worm with telepathy, King Kull a genius caveman, a senior citizen with a gun called Aunt Minerva, Doctor Smashi and many other weirdos. No wonder DC can't get anyone to buy this guy's comics.

12. One of those horrible villains of his, Dr. Sivana, nicknamed him The Big Red Cheese and the nickname has stuck through decades. Who wants to be nicknamed after Babybel cheese?

13. Lieutenant Marvels is a thing. That's when Billy gave powers like his to Hill Billy, Tall Billy and Fat Billy. Basically three other kids named Billy he met because he thought it was cool that they shared a name.

14. Remember how Billy's parents were murdered by Black Adam? I don't either but, when Billy turns into SHAZAM the adult that he looks like isn't actually an older version of him, it's what he remembers his dad looking like. You don't see Bruce Wayne putting on a Thomas Wayne costume.

15. His powers originally came from the Greek Gods; Solomon, Hercules, Achilles, Zeus, Atlas and Mercury. Do you see the problem? Only Zeus is actually a Greek God. Solomon was king of Jerusalem, Hercules and Achilles are Demi-Gods and Mercury is the Roman version of the Greek God Hermes. What are you doing? Maybe that's why he's so lame.

16. Solves all of his problems with lightning and not the actual powers he was given and the lightning is just a cheat code. He won the Indy 500 by turning a racecac into a Shazamobile with lightning.

17. The Batfamily is pretty big compared to other families like the Green Arrow and Superman Families. The SHAZAM family is the second largest family in DC Comics only behind the Batfamily. But who can you name besides SHAZAM, Captain Marvel Jr, Mary Marvel and maybe Tawny if you're really dedicated. They're all lame.

18. At one point Billy was a DJ for Whiz FM but he didn't spin records. DJ Billy was just like DJ Vlad or DJ Akademics for the superhero world.

19. He's got the wisdom of Solomon but he's constantly getting outsmarted because he's arrogant.

20. He was once as popular as Superman but now his comic only runs as backup issues in Justice League because nobody buys his solos and Black Adam is getting movie before him starring an A list actor and we still don't know who's playing Billy yet.

You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet. You can also check out his playthrough of Sleeping Dogs or Skyrim
Follow @OriginalKingD

This post first appeared on Blerds Online, please read the originial post: here

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SHAZAM is Lame


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