Written By: Beth Schwartz and Sarah Tarkoff
Directed By: Laura Belsey
First Aired: December 7, 2017
Sorry for the late post, as mentioned on my twitter feed I was sick last week so I have been playing catch-up with these posts.
Speaking of catching up, let’s get caught up on this season of the C-dub’s Arrow. Pretty much everyone survived last seasons island adventure with the exception of Ollie’s baby moms. Thea was also in a coma and I almost forgot she existed until the end of the last episode. Ollie decided to hand the mantle of Arrow over to Digs because he has a kid to look after (not like Digs has a child or anything). Digs has a case of the yips and got into bed with Alvarez from the show Oz who was breaking him off with some nerve tonic like he was Ken Griffey Jr in Homer at the Plate. The crew is also fighting a war on two fronts. Famed Lost villain Ben Linus aka Cayden James is a tech genius with plans to blow up the city for some reason and the feds are closing in on Ollie for his crimes. Also Ollie and Felicity got married at the end of Crisis on Earth X.
One Quick aside; no one over 30 has ever been named cayden. It’s one of those fake names that white trash types name their kids because they think it makes them sound affluent like they are on the dynasty reboot.
Caught up? Good let’s jump into the episode.
We start off this week with Ollie and Felicity doing the wedding thing right this time. A big party and all their friends and family around to share in the big day and of course the party kicks into gear with a shitty Pink song. Is anyone shocked that Team Arrow has the worst taste in music?
The B-Team - Rene, Curtis and Dinah - wallow about their current relationship status. Curtis manages to get himself good and hammered, and then owns the wedding. He bum rushes the bouquet, he has good stories, throws down hella shots, everything is lovely right until that one final shot that puts him over the edge. The line that should not be crossed has now been crossed and sad Curtis makes an appearance in the form of a really shitty speech about how bad love is. Luckily for us Rene, who is becoming my favorite character on Arrow, mostly because he reminds me of my old college friend Edgar, steps in with the save.
Quinton gives Ollie his watch as a wedding gift, the watch that was passed down among the Lance men for generations. Ollie is reluctant at first but Quinton is all, “bro you are the only family I have left, Laurel is dead and Sarah is a Lesbian and thus dead to me” Quinton is the fucking worst. He is like the walking embodiment of coffee and cigarette breath.
Rene and Thea seem like they might have some chemistry, Quinton makes moves on Felicity’s mom. Rene let’s Curtis crash, I bet they totally brunched the next day and shared secrets over bottomless mimosas.
Back at the ArrowCave we learn that there is a snitch on the team. Ollie is convinced that it is a member of the B-Team. My money is in Curtis. He is the weak link. Homeboy seems hella emotional about his divorce and bitter about the way Felicity keeps undercutting him at the office. Ollie decides to track Rene, Dinah and Curtis on some NSA mass surveillance shit. This should work out well. Turns out Dinah has been keeping some secrets in the form of back alley rendezvous with her ex Vincent who also happens to be killing people in acts of non-Arrow sanctioned vigilantism. The gang creatively named him the Vigilante. Top notch work guys. Where the fuck is Cisco Ramon when you need him.
Back at the hotel bargain brand Laurel Lance (LL) fucks up Thea and Quinton good and then kidnaps Quinton. Ben Linus aka Cayden James is using Quinton to blackmail Team Arrow into stealing some A.R.G.U.S. tech he needs to blow up the city. If they do it Cayden will spare Quinton’s Life and since Quinton gave Ollie his granddaddy’s cheap metal retirement watch you know they are definitely going to risk the lives of everyone in Star City with a sound plan that has no chance of going wrong.
Ollie mobilized the crew, sans Dinah because he knows she has been stepping out with the Vigilante. This feels like a red herring to me. Anyway. John compromised his wife’s high security job so these assholes can steal a device. Ollie and his crew really are selfish assholes.
Back at the ArrowCave the gang revels in their big heist when Dinah shows up like “What’s really good?” Ollie let’s Dinah know that they know she is stepping out with her ex because they are spying on her and everyone else. Shit gets real tense. Finally Rene can no longer take it and he cops to being the snitch (damn Mad Dog, not you!). Ollie fires him from his non-paying cosplay fight club on the spot. Dinah walks too. Curtis is on some “Fuck y’all are triff as fuck but I’ll stay for now" steez because Curtis is a bitch.
LL is watching over Quinton. Quinton starts peppering her with daddy talk and you can see she is kind of feeling the connection. Cayden tells her to watch over him and kill him if shit goes sideways.
Somehow. Off camera. Ollie got the team back together. They roll up into Cayden James spot to make the trade, Cayden notices that Ollie fucked with the device making it useless to him. So he sicks his gang on them. It should be noted that his gang looks like a crew of Justin Timberlake back-up dancers from back when he was ripping off Michael Jackson and making music with the Neptunes.
Rene and Curtis dip out to save Quinton without Ollie’s permission leaving the team with no back up. LL let’s Quinton free because she got really daddy vibes from him.
Back at the ArrowCave Ollie kicks Rene out for the second time this episode. Which is probably for the best because Rene JUST got his kid back. No way he can do this night time vigilante shit without being neglectful of his daughter and risking Child Protective Services taking her again. Dinah bounces as well and so does Curtis. Now it’s just Ollie. Digs and Felicity.
The episode ends with Cayden and his crew watching this all go down. Homeboy has been spying on team Arrow the whole time. And we learn that he has a whole crew of bad guys. LL. Alvarez from Oz. Dinah’s boy toy and a few other fuckers. Shit is about to go down when we get back from the mid season break.
What an incredibly dull episode! Only Arrow could drag out what should be one episode for an entire season year in and year out.
See you 1/18, and spoiler, the team will be back together. .