I don’t know how many people have been through this and how many people go through this like the way I do, everyday…
I sit back in silence, lost in some thoughts of my own with this Urge to write down something, without exactly knowing what…
Doesn’t really matter whether I am preoccupied with something or completely free I can feel the waves of this urge rising and falling between my mind and my heart. Somehow it used to be easier to pen down my thoughts earlier but nowadays it just don’t happen. I haven’t yet tried to figure out the reason why because it has always been like this. Words, Sleep, and Love hardly goes hand in hand with me, each one of us keep running away from each other in some way or the other. And most of the times it has been me running towards three of these but they don’t reciprocate the same. Especially with words it has always been a fight, they come to me only when I am going through a rough time but they always save me from falling down and eventually make me happy and proud. I must not say anything negative about words because unlike everything else they have been there all the time, I may have been falling or drowning words have always been there by my side, they have kept a smile alive within me, they have kept a light alive within me.
Not only they have allowed me to stand tall in front of the mountains, they have helped me in lifting up the Broken souls and lighten up everything around me. May be I should just compare words with friends instead of love.
But this time they have stayed away for a long time, maybe I have written too much in my academy time and words are upset that they haven’t been shared with anyone or maybe there are things at the back of my mind and heart that should have come out on paper but haven’t yet. Well either of them can be a possibility but neither of them is coming on blog anytime soon. May be its time to start writing blog in a way it was supposed to be written from the day one, just for myself. It has always been for me but somehow it has always ended up for everyone as well in a form of a story or a poem because no matter how personal your thoughts or words are you always end up sharing with someone in some way or the other and that’s what keeps it alive. But it’s not always necessary to narrate fables and poems in the form they are expected, sometimes you just have to speak out what your heart is telling and let people listen to it in whatever way they want to and let them not listen if they don’t want to.
A picture may speak a thousand words but it’s not always necessary that picture speaks what you heard, or what you saw, or what you want it to say… So is the case with words, sometimes even thousands of words are not enough to say it all, all that you can see, all that you can hear, all that you want to show, all that you want to say, all that you want people to listen and most of all what you feel and all that you want everyone to feel.
Most of the times it happens with me I find it difficult to write because I am not able to do justice with my feelings. Not everyone is a writer and not everyone is a reader but we all have a little voice inside us which stops us from doing things that we don’t believe in, a little voice that craves for satisfaction in doing things. And this post is about all such little voices that dared to come up to stop us from doing something or what forced us to start something… It is about everything that has ever been in front of you that made you contemplate for a while, that left you alone with yourself and your thoughts and feelings… I often come across people and things who force me to contemplate and contemplate about nothingness, and this one is about nothingness and everything that surrounds it and nothingness that surrounds everything, it is complicated and that is what makes it so simple to understand…
An empty swing in a garden,
An empty bench by a frozen lake,
A broken leaf lying on the floor,
An old wall,
A silent bird,
An innocent dog waging his tail near you,
A child’s laughter,
Little hands and toes of a sleeping baby,
A paper boat in rain,
A girl crying at the time of wedding,
Lovers holding hand,
A beautiful song,
Remembering college days,
Looking at an old teacher after a long time and realizing she is still young,
Just listening to a friend with a smile,
An old gardener watering flowers in scorching heat,
Holding a kids hand,
Looking at sea waves,
Looking at sunset and a sunrise,
Standing with your arms wide open at the edge of a mountain,
Fear of failing,
Fear of falling,
Crying after listening to a song,
Laughing at silly things,
Realizing how stupid you used to be,
Being with parents,
Fighting with siblings and friends,
Recalling your first crush,
Looking at old photographs,
Having food after a staying hungry for a long time,
Being a soldier,
Planning for exams,
Looking at butterflies,
Looking at a walking lion,
Just looking outside the window,
A beautiful painting,
A dusted guitar,
A half burnt picture of a loved one,
A half burnt letter,
An old diary,
Money in washed clothes,
A cup of tea,
Late night Maggi,
Late night bike rides with friends,
Love, crush and heartbreaks,
Fulfilling a dream,
Broken bone and a dream,
Being friends with someone who once used to be more than an enemy,
Sleeping in classes,
Getting caught while cheating,
Something that made you proud,
Your parents smile and pride when they look at you,
Your first poem and a story,
A special good night message,
A friend waiting for your blog post,
A friend who would always go out for a walk with you,
A friend who believed in you and gave you her hand to rise up,
A friend who loves you,
A lot many friends, a lot many people, a lot many things, a lot many memories, a lot many thoughts, a lot many feelings, a lot many ‘a lots’, we all are surrounded by so many ‘a lots’ about which I want to write, whose pictures I want to click and draw, all such things I want to preserve and cherish, doesn’t really matter if it’s a happy person or a sad sight my heart often has this urge to write it all down, I can imagine myself writing about everything but somethings are just perfect and even if they are incomplete, they are perfect in everything that makes them incomplete. There are just too many things that I want to write about and want to show it to the world, the important things that should be cherished forever, things that should be changed immediately, people who should be hugged, people who should be slapped, people who should be just healed, people who should be blessed, people that reminds us of our blessings in so many different ways be it by bringing a smile on our face or by bringing a tear… A lot many things make me happy and a lot many things makes me silently pray to god about everything that’s around me.
I can’t write it all, I just can’t but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to, that doesn’t mean I won’t try, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the love, pain, happiness, emptiness, blessings around me, I do, we all do but all that matters is what we do after feeling all such things,
Do we spread the happiness ?
Do we share the blessings ?
Do we repair the broken ?
Do we fill someone’s emptiness, leave that apart, do we fill our own emptiness ?
Do we cherish what we have ?
Do we really feel all that surrounds us ?
I feel it’s very important for me to write, very important for me to click pictures, very important for me to listen to the songs that are there in my phone and that I come across everywhere in form of birds, trains, sea waves, winds and just everything… because all such things makes me feel life that surrounds me, at the end of the day what matters is how much you feel…
Everything has a music within that needs to be heard and synched with our heart…
I can take a thousand pictures and speak a thousand more words but the urge will not go away, may be because the urge wouldn’t have been about saying something, it just would have been about spending some time with myself, it just would have been about reminding me about the lessons learnt so far, it just would have been about staying connected to myself irrespective of the miles that I must have covered while running away from everything, may be the urge just would have been about to urge more…
Sometimes not understanding is the destiny,
Sometimes the broken is the repaired,
Somethings are meant to be unwritten,
Some words are meant to be unsaid,
Some tears are supposed to stay undry,
Sometimes incomplete is perfect,
Sometimes simple is complicated,
Sometimes, sometimes lasts forever…