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Sun-dried Eyes Blog
What can I say about myself that hasn’t already been covered by the tabloid blogs or scribbled drunkenly on the bathroom wall?
2012-01-01 02:56
In my lap she laid, gasping for breathe through blood-filled lungs, staring into my soul with that cold, dead gaze I had come to know intimately. I loved her more than I ever loved myself… Read More
2011-01-01 01:21
The American buffet is dead. The buildings still stand and the food is still (self) served, but what was once a hallowed hall of family bonding, work gatherings and friendly strangers united… Read More
2010-12-18 01:17
Mark Zuckerberg being named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year is yet another example of our misplaced priorities in heroism. Has he changed the way we live? Yes. Was it a necessary im… Read More
2010-12-12 23:51
The great blizzard of 2010 has arrived and I am officially snowed in. I could pop the Bronco into 4x4 and knife my way to the pub tonight… and I still may, but nonetheless I am snowed… Read More
2010-11-24 00:49
No one said changing your life would be easy.When comfortable, we spread our lives into every nook and cranny around us, our limbs like tentacles that not only support but attach.We do this… Read More
2010-06-23 03:38
Dear News, I apologize in advance for my tone and abruptness, but this letter is already ten years overdue.News, you have been allowed to run helter-skelter through our mediums for too long… Read More
2010-06-23 03:30
My first “Happy Thanksgiving” text came at eight-thirty. Hungover or not, my first response to any inconsequential communication that awakens me before I want on a day off will a… Read More
2010-06-23 03:24
Take a seat, sport. I have something important to tell you. It will feel wrong at first because it opposes everything you have ever known, but soon you will feel a tickle just beneath your c… Read More
2010-06-07 03:49
Dear future children,Hello, ___________, ______________, ______________ and _____________. *If you are reading this than I have done a great job raising you, because according to current tre… Read More
2010-04-18 20:48
Hello. My name is Atticus…Hi, Atticus.… and I am an emotional packrat. When did I know? The dozen or so storage bins filled to the brim with possessions baring little worth or… Read More
2010-03-12 06:03
Since moving to the East Coast two years ago I have yet to review my vices and assess their progress and performance to identify points of improvement. What better place to do this than on m… Read More
2010-01-06 03:49
Two years ago Thursday my journey was sidetracked by events chronicled in these very pages. What ensued afterward was one wild ride after another. Most were good, some were ugly. The remaini… Read More
Phallacies Of The Gay Tendency
2009-10-15 02:28
With all the gays marching on Washington and the inherent shit storm of media dildos barfing up stupid on their polarizing TV shows, it was only a matter of time before I lost enjoyment in m… Read More
2009-09-28 01:09
Due to the sage advice of friends whom I may learn to hate as a result of the advice, I have taken my first stab at online dating. This digital hook-up pool of youngsters and angry mothers i… Read More
2009-09-20 23:03
This beautiful holiday weekend is finally in motion, thanks to my consumption of food rich in fat and beer rich in self-retardants. This holiday is a time dedicated to celebrating our victor… Read More
2009-09-20 22:51
If I could build God like a teddy bear from one of those factories in the mall, I wouldn’t make him in my image. No arms, no spine, no cock. He’d be a gob of lightning-web circul… Read More
2006-06-07 11:16
Look, I'm an Excel nerd. And I know for a fact that there are millions of Excel nerds throughout the world. That's why I made these for you. I love you and our nerdy brethren. If you love a… Read More

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