2024-04-21 14:11
This iconic fragrance – Elon’s Musk Eau de Parfum – is the grand-new, brand-new, tech-bro fragrance brought to you by the House of Dior.
Finely crafted and tuned to the… Read More
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Robot Butt | Purveyors Of Fine Comedy And Satire Blog
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Like an oasis in the desert, we are here to quench your insatiable thirst for comedy.
2024-04-19 19:45
Nobody cares that I’m dating a doctor. Well, he’s a surgeon, to be clear. And whenever I tell someone, like the baristo making my chai latte that I used to make myself before dat… Read More
2024-04-18 14:00
My parents’ divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me, and it could be the best thing that ever happened to you, too.
No, I’m not projecting. I’m not lashing ou… Read More
2024-04-17 20:03
The post Prophet Scouting Report: Jesus H. Christ appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2024-04-16 14:00
EDITORS NOTE: They have sent a cease and desist. We owe them somewhere in the ballpark of $300,000. The pictures I used technically count as using Idris Elba’s likeness.
The post… Read More
2024-04-15 14:00
I’m being so serious. I think if the right people see it we can get Paramount Plus to either sponsor the post, or think they already did. So everyone behave. Don’t comment or do… Read More
Can We Please Act Normal So Paramount Plus Will Let This Be A Sponsored Ad For The Knuckles TV Show?
2024-04-10 23:26
I’m being so serious. I think if the right people see this we can get paramount plus to either sponsor a post, or think they already did. So everyone behave. Don’t comment or… Read More
2024-04-09 14:00
The post We NEVER Said It Was Safe To Look At The Eclipse Without Glasses And If We Did It Was Legally Parody Or Satire Or Something appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2024-04-08 14:00
The post We’ve Been Asked By Numerous Scientific Outlets To Take Down Our Eclipse PSA But We Aren’t Doing It! appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2024-04-07 14:00
The post SCIENCE FACT: You DO NOT Need Glasses To Look At Tomorrow’s Eclipse! appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2024-04-05 22:39
3 Regular Bibles
This Cool Godzilla
Dinner For Two At Chilis. I’ll Join You. It’ll Be Nice. If We Split The Bill We Can Go Twice
Call Of Duty. Any Of Them. I’m Pre… Read More
2024-03-31 14:00
Dear Jesus,
Your mother’s sister wrote to tell me that you are risen. The news brought me great joy and tremendous relief. It also made me reflect on my behavior toward you over the… Read More
2024-03-30 19:51
Your Favorite President 3:15
It was Friday. Some people call it Good Friday. I call it BEST Friday. A lot of people say, many people say, there’s never been a better Friday until Tr… Read More
2024-03-30 14:00
Son-of-Superstar’s Name, Image, Likeness Collector Offerings
Purchase personal Son-of-Superstar (S-O-S), basketball related products from can’t miss future baller before he tu… Read More
2024-03-29 19:55
I am a political polling analyst. I survey the mind and feelings of the American voter. With stealth and cunning I capture the secrets and trumpet the future. An amalgamation of omniscience… Read More
2024-03-28 18:45
The Mascots Are All Actual Animals Instead Of Costumes
They will still be on the field and in the stands having a good time. The Detroit Tigers ticket sales are at an all-time low. It is… Read More
2024-03-27 14:00
This is the second one of these I’ve made. You’re welcome.
The post This Article Also Makes It Look Like You Are Doing Work appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2024-03-26 14:00
“Let me finish”
If I’m watching my favorite TV Show.
“Let me finish”
If I’m eating Pizza.
“Let me finish”
If I’m writin… Read More
2024-03-25 22:55
His co-worker’s birthday.
That the Detroit Tigers will struggle to compete for the AL Central again with such a small payroll.
The military alphabet.
That Kentucky Bluegrass i… Read More
2024-03-23 19:47
Hey Dave,
Uh, just dropping this off. Your mail got delivered to my house again (I don’t know why the Tuesday guy can’t seem to tell the difference between 1806 and 1808). It… Read More
2024-03-22 19:55
Hey Tracy,
I know we are supposed to deliver the mock-up for the Mexi-Cal burrito window banner on Friday, but we finalized it this morning so I thought why not send it over a day early!… Read More
2024-03-21 14:00
My dad can beat up your dad. For most adults, hearing this infamous phrase brings us back to our youth. Suddenly, we’re ten years old again, climbing to the top of the monkey bars to g… Read More
2024-03-20 13:13
Wow. I can’t believe I won an Oscar. In fact, I can’t even believe I got a job doing acting, as I have zero experience acting, or have any talent for it. But because my family is… Read More
2024-03-19 19:46
CHICAGO—In a courthouse packed this morning with law enforcement and word game enthusiasts alike, an expressionless Alan Cole pleaded his innocence in connection with the gruesome &ldq&hell…Read More
2024-03-19 00:06
If you have a Flexible Spending Account (FSA), time is not running out for you to spend your pre-tax savings. But if you, like this humble author, let the calendar flip to 2024 without havin… Read More
2024-03-17 14:00
I’m having a tough time, folks. I need to process. But audiences demand action, not some sad sack watching raindrops trickle down a windowpane. So it’s time to lace up the old sn… Read More
2024-03-16 20:53
Dear Prime Minister Trudeau and a second senior Canadian government official I cannot name and refuse to look up.
I am writing as a concerned parent of two primary school children. … Read More
2024-03-15 20:40
783: Over the Centerline (transcript)
A quick note: this episode includes graphic language that has not been bleeped.
Daniel Sobrass: Welcome to the show. Today… Read More
2024-03-14 18:43
*Editor’s note: What follows is a lightly edited version of the unpublished Samuel Beckett play “It Fell Behind the Washing Machine: A Tragedy In Three Acts.” Though it is… Read More
2024-03-10 03:42
Hi all!
I’m one of the editors of this great site and I finally finished my first horror novel!
Because so many of you are familiar with my writing (and clearly have excellent… Read More
2024-03-09 03:23
*Editor’s note: Our journalists didn’t pursue this story or really even know who these people are. Tucker emailed our scoop line saying he “finally wanted to go on the reco… Read More
2024-03-07 20:01
Glitter
Let’s face facts. Tap water isn’t cool. If it’s going to taste like nothing, shouldn’t it at least look good? While the nation’s geeks are drinking p… Read More
2024-03-06 17:13
Editor’s Note: Recently discovered secret recordings of the 2002 critics’ screening of Reign of Fire, the universally panned movie about dragons set largely in post-apocalyp… Read More
2024-03-05 19:36
WASHINGTON—New data shows no notable increase in political engagement among housecats for 2023, a Burwell Institute study has concluded.
A key moment in the study came during… Read More
2024-03-04 23:58
Losing a loved one never gets easier. The crushing weight of loss often leaves those affected wondering when they’ll be able to move on. They then learn the answer is immediately, as t… Read More
2024-03-03 19:30
Please find my attached application for the Biodome Experiment. I’m available immediately after Tuesday’s carpool.
Human Resources Dept.Monday, Jan.8, 2024
Dear Biod… Read More
2024-03-03 01:28
By: A Very Serious Gotham Pundit
Credit: Warner Bros.We as Gotham voters have a choice to make in this next election about law and order. Because it’s not who we are underneat… Read More
2024-03-01 22:26
Dear Truck Nuts,
Your 15 minutes of fame is over. The human race is done staring at a ball sack through the glow of brake lights at 7:00 am while trying to wolf down an Egg McMuffin in th… Read More
2024-02-23 20:54
Image credit: Heorshe – stock.adobe.comHere at Subway, we’ve been listening. You bitched and complained about everything, from the cost of our sandwiches to the way our employees… Read More
2024-02-14 17:59
The post Valentine’s Day Cards To Some Celebrities, Godzilla, and Others That Deserve Them appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2024-02-03 15:00
The post A Cartoon About the Monster Under Your Bed appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2024-02-02 19:01
Believe it or not, all three of us, despite being massively successful at article writing, improv, and Reddit posting, are broke and jobless. We’ve been applying like crazy, but can&r&hell…Read More
2024-02-01 19:54
I still remember that day so many years ago in 2024. You came home freaking out about how 90% of my peers had told some survey that they wanted to be YouTube influencers when they grew up. … Read More
2024-01-30 20:08
CBS has announced that the stars of the popular and jingle-infused Pepto Bismol commercials will join Usher for the Apple Music Super Bowl LVIII Halftime Show on February 11.
In an… Read More
2024-01-30 02:15
A short excerpt from Et al.: Because not all research deserves a Nobel Prize
Dr. Kevin Dahlmer, Dr. Jeffrey Berkowitz, Dr. Daniel Gibbons
Department of Geology, Cranberry-Lemon Universi… Read More
2024-01-29 02:31
The post A Cartoon Reminding You That Xenomorphs are Good Mothers appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2024-01-28 03:34
You can click this one at work and no one will ever question your productivity again.
The post This Article Makes it Look Like You’re Doing Work appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2024-01-25 15:00
The post A Cartoon About Dancing appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2024-01-24 15:00
The NFL regular season has come to a close which means we’ve finally gotten to what matters the most: contract negotiations between billionaires and millionaires. There’s 7 head… Read More
2024-01-24 05:12
Intro
Hey guys, Damian here with Robot Butt Guides—hoooope you beautiful people are doing well today. We just whipped up an absolutely BROKEN new character build for your pupils to… Read More
2024-01-22 22:51
It’s a new year, so Amazon is giving back to our loving and loyal customers by applying automatic updates to Alexa. Alexa owners (or as we call them, Alexowners) can expect these excit… Read More
2024-01-21 15:00
1. The availability of Miss Elaine nightgowns has dwindled. How are women expected to keep the fire stoked without those polyester specials getting stuck in their ass cracks?
2. Wom… Read More
2024-01-19 22:17
Credit: Keith AllisonAustin, Tx – When Gov.Greg Abbott (R – Tx) decided to send dozens of busses full of asylum-seeking migrants on a one-way trip to The Big Apple, he certainly… Read More
2024-01-18 15:00
Hi, I’m your preteen son’s favorite literary character. Not your daughter. Your son.
Because your daughter is only supposed to be reading books about an aspi… Read More
2024-01-17 15:00
A Short Noir Story
The dame walked in like she was the opening line of a private detective story. She had exposition up to her eyeballs.
“You must be the detective,” she sa… Read More
2024-01-16 15:00
With the popularity of food challenges at an alltime high, I grabbed two buddies and decided that we needed to push ourselves to the limit and undoubtedly go viral in the process.
I… Read More
2024-01-15 17:42
SAN FRANCISCO—“The team, the league, and my accountant all agreed: I’m cured.”
Golden State power forward Draymond Green will officially make his return to the cou… Read More
2024-01-14 15:00
Have you ever met someone who really loves vegetables? As in, someone who really, really, truly loves vegetables? No. You most certainly have not. You haven’t even met someon… Read More
2024-01-14 02:37
Dear Father:
First of all, let me congratulate you on your new fatherhood. It fills me with joy to be the first person in our family to do so on this occasion. Secondly, I would like to t… Read More
2024-01-12 20:20
Yeah hat’s right, I’m the Plus Sign. You heard of me? The fucking Plus Sign? I’m fucking everywhere now. You can’t watch any damn content without clicking on some log… Read More
2024-01-11 22:11
Thousands of fir trees have been mysteriously disappearing from forests around the Western world in the last few weeks.
Forest rangers making their rounds have been shocked to find… Read More
2024-01-11 01:05
More Contentious than Patriots’ Coach Belichick who He Replaced?
Q: A real tough one, right Coach Will? Coughing it up at the end of an important game?
CWS: We have seen better d… Read More
2024-01-09 15:00
As you likely know, there has been fevered speculation online about who and what we would all learn from the Jeffrey Epstein list. Unhinged conjecture has been a wonderful playgro… Read More
2024-01-08 15:00
In an unsurprising win, phone app Subway Surfers once again won the Golden Globe, or something. I wasn’t really paying attention. I just had the awards show on in the background while… Read More
2024-01-07 15:00
Remember when Elon Musk wanted to buy The Onion and then started his own comedy site that immediately failed? Surely he’s ready to get hurt again. What are the odds we can get him to n… Read More
2024-01-06 15:00
You’re the last person I suspected!
That alibi you gave me really held up well in court!
You smell like the zoo!
You’ve made static cling chic!
I didn’t t… Read More
2024-01-05 23:06
Whatever happened to the good old days, when I could walk down the block and clear out a whole magazine stand for a few bucks. I used to have everything from Better Home & Garden to Weir… Read More
2024-01-04 01:13
I, like so many others, come up with too many goals every year that I’ll never actually have the time or effort required to finish. That’s why this year I’ve decided to not… Read More
2024-01-03 03:31
Okay, so it’s been a full three years now since I first put on the Icelandic necropants. It all started out as a New Year’s Resolution, and I thought it was a pretty good id… Read More
2024-01-01 15:00
Help with the Laundry
SUCCEEDED – The wife made a mention back in 2022 that I wasn’t helping out enough with the laundry so I made a point to pick up the slack and throw a few… Read More
2024-01-01 00:28
This year has certainly had its ups and downs here on our comedy website. With major successes like our second zine and that time we correctly predicted every single 2023 and future Oscar wi… Read More
2023-12-29 22:32
I waited to write this because I thought this year might be different, but, of course, it wasn’t.
I am not an imbecile. I know that Santa isn’t real. I figured it out when I… Read More
2023-12-28 22:53
Spend less time on social media
Get 1 millions followers on Instagram
Lose weight and get in shape
Open a bakery
Buy a house
Pay my rent on time at least once in the year
M… Read More
2023-12-27 22:28
The post Three More Cartoons by Matt Eng appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2023-12-26 16:49
Come on, why not try something different this year and actually read that book your dad/mom/uncle/cousin’s family gave you. You know, the one about American History/Self-Improvement/bi… Read More
2023-12-25 17:48
Once again, let us say happy holidays, merry Christmas, and we’re sorry! We wanted to post a normal Christmas card today but our order got screwed up and another client got our text wh… Read More
2023-12-24 15:00
Dear Joseph of Nazareth:
I am the manager at the Bethlehem Stables Inn. I was disappointed to read your harsh criticism of your review of your stay at our property on December 25, 0… Read More
2023-12-23 15:00
We, your USPS, UPS, FedEx, and Amazon delivery drivers, want to thank you for your generosity in leaving out goodies for us every December while we deliver the fruits of your concerning disp… Read More
2023-12-23 15:00
Nora Menorah
Latke or Leave It
The Gelt Trip
Fool’s Goldberg
A Hora-ble Holiday
The Challahgram
Two-Date Solution
The post Jewish Hallmark Movie Titles appeared first… Read More
2023-12-22 15:00
Okay, I am freaking out right now. We sent letters to Santa telling him exactly what we want for Christmas and we actually got replies! You can read our letters here. We will be sharing the… Read More
2023-12-21 15:00
Snowflakes, cheer, and capitalism fills the air. It is once again the season of giving and receiving presents from loved ones, people you didn’t realize you were supposed to get a gift… Read More
2023-12-20 15:00
There’s a lot going on right now, with holidays in full swing and George Santos doing an interview with Ziwe, but we can’t get distracted and forget that December 20th means it i… Read More
2023-12-19 15:00
Jackson Parker, a Local legend in the coal town Markston, Indiana, found an epic life hack this year. By acting like a total asshole for the last twelve months, he’s practically guaran… Read More
2023-12-18 19:55
The post Three Cartoons by Matt Eng appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2023-12-15 21:57
Guys, I didn’t buy a Cybertruck because it looks like what Robocop would drive
Could you imagine if I did that? No one can imagine it. No one.
My wife would be so mad at me… Read More
2023-12-14 21:51
My step brother Jason’s favorite video game added a new DLC today, allowing players to experience the wonderfully mediocre world of Mega Bloks. I’m not all that close to Jason, a… Read More
2023-12-13 15:00
Surprisingly, he wasn’t very nice.
Yesterday, I passed by a black bear as I was hiking. He was leaning on a boulder, eating a rabbit for lunch. As I was passing him, he l… Read More
2023-12-12 16:30
I’ve had it with this war. The fighting, the violence — enough already! We’ve got enough on our hands with the all-out holy war brewing right on our shores. Not… Read More
2023-12-12 16:00
The post Claus Couples Counseling appeared first on Robot Butt Read More
2023-12-12 15:10
Source: Paramount+Frasier mania continues its iron grip on the United States!
For the 30th year in a row – since the spinoff sitcom debuted all the way through its triumphant resurg… Read More
2023-12-12 15:00
Hey everyone, it’s nice to meet you all. This is my first session because as you may know I have been a little reluctant to join. My name is Paul and I am a minor superhero.
I unde… Read More
2023-12-11 16:56
Source: Warner Bros. PicturesHi there. This email is from Hollywood HQ, and we sincerely regret to inform you that there will be no new movies and no new actors ever again. We are thrilled t… Read More
2023-12-11 15:00
2008 was a glorious time. Lady Gaga was just some nuisance blocking traffic in an IKEA parking lot, traumatizing families with a performance of her new erotic single, “Poker Face.&rdqu&hell…Read More
2023-12-10 15:00
Look, I know that we’ve had some bad times together. Sure, I’ve done things that I’m not proud of. But that $14 2-pack of Venus razors is not the answer to your pain. Forge… Read More
2023-12-10 14:03
Following the enormous continiued success of NFL RedZone, the NFL has announced several new viewing options that are sure to become fan favorites!
NFL RefZone: Now you can see every… Read More
2023-12-09 19:00
Listen up, kids. As the head of the drama department and a gay man, I have absolutely no experience performing or experiencing sexual relations between a man and a woman. However, Mrs. Ruthe… Read More
2023-12-09 15:00
Joan Jett: You own a leather skort
Stevie Nicks: You exclusively buy your clothes at Whole Foods
Janis Joplin: You exclusively buy your clothes at Rite Aid
St… Read More
2023-12-08 18:02
It started with my nephew. My girlfriend and I were watching him for my brother. He was a cute kid. Round little head. His mom had put him in some sort of funny fleece hat that drooped at th… Read More
2023-12-08 18:00
Right, so part of your supply chain may or may not rely upon a “brutal regime” that may or may not be using “slave labor” in what some are calling “concentratio… Read More
2023-12-08 15:00
As Lloyd wheeled his unopened box of grandparents through the mall, he couldn’t help but feel a little stupid. It was… Read More
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