Survivors of the Z’s- Rhonda Gedling, 26/07/2016, Motel Liz, outside Colorado

I Looked on. She was there. Right in front of me. Ricky stood staring into my mind
Asking me
Telling me
Not to say a word. I couldn’t just say anything surely. I couldn’t just  fall out of the present and pretend it didn’t happen.
I was shocked
Mortified
At the fact that she had been there all along.
DANGEROUS
Life ending…
If she’d escaped then that’d be curtains for us all.
A painful ending

He quickly closed the door and his hands were suddenly on my shoulders pleading with me.
“Please understand,” he took me by the hand, but I didn’t want it, I pulled away and followed him outside, “please understand that I can’t tell anybody”
“If she escapes, then what?” I asked
“She won’t, she can’t”
“But what if?”
“That ain’t your problem,” he told
“It is my problem, it’s everybody that’s staying here’s problem”
He screwed his face up and planted his hands on to his face. Frustration showed
Worry
Now something had to give. He couldn’t just keep her there. Ok, she was tied to a radiator, but it only takes one mistake, right?
No lives should be risked
It was now or never.
For him…
I moved toward the door and he stopped me, “Where are you going?”
“First, I’m going to tell everybody to leave, then, I’m going to tell the police and then, I’m fucking leaving”
I knew he didn’t want me to go. The man had the hots for me, so of course seeing me leave would’ve twisted his balls and took them right off. He hadn’t had sex for quite some time and now he had me. A woman that was suddenly his bed pal.
He was loving it
He was enjoying it
But losing me earlier than he intended was something he didn’t want
“Please don’t,” he said
“I have to leave at some point”
I went to walk in
“I watched the news,” he spoke, “more cities have fallen”
“It ain’t going to work,” I said
I went to walk in again
“New York,” he revealed, “its where you live right?”
“It hasn’t,” I said
“You’re right,” he walked close, “it hasn’t, but it’s starting too, the news mentioned Hamsford, now it’s spread across to many more areas, it’s getting worse Rhonda, could you afford to go back, or would you rather stay somewhere that’s out of the way… like here?”
I thought for a long period.
My home
My castle
My small kingdom
Had fallen to this disease. I had nowhere to go now. That’s what I thought.
SURE
I could go back and risk it. I could go back and run along with the scared crowd.
The sheep
Flowing through the motions of panicky moments and sooner or later. The crowd you’re with. It only takes one person to become infected and then that’ll be it. That’s what my home town was doing now.
Had changed into
Living a life of unpredictably and bad fucking feelings. Leading a life of following orders.
Where to go?
What not to do?
Only two things on your mind, when will it take me?
When will it fuck my life up?
“What is it with you?” I asked
“I could say the same thing”
“How?”
“You’re safe here”
I was bewildered. I tilted sideways.
“I’m not safe, you have one in your fucking room”
Anger showed, “that’s my mother”
“Not anymore it’s not,” I warned, “What those things do, what I’ve seen them do,” I shook with fear thinking about it and my voice shook too, “its horrific”
“She won’t escape, trust me on that”
I tried to walk away. I wanted to do something. I was desperate now. Not just for me.
I was scared for everybody
My sister
The other visitors
The… the little girl
He grabbed me as I tried to walk away and I jittered. I swiped his hand away and looked him in the eyes.
“Don’t grab me again”
“Don’t tell anybody”
“Try and stop me,” I said
I walked quickly away and I didn’t look back. Everything was racing.
My heart
My breathing
My mind
I couldn’t think straight. I felt angry
SCARED
But at the same time. A small part of me, which was growing, understood what he was going through. I walked into the toilet and locked myself away.
Just me
My thoughts
“It’s his mom, but you can’t stay here, it’s too dangerous, I’ve… I’ve got to understand, no, no I don’t have to understand, it’s too dangerous,” the toilet was small and there wasn’t enough room to maneuver, I looked in the mirror and begged myself to see a picture that was worth looking at, “you have to get out, you have to do something”
I stayed in there a little longer. I grabbed myself and shook some sense into my soft ways and turned into a rock. I couldn’t risk anything. Not like the way things were. Anything could happen and I didn’t want to be there when it did.
I had to get out…
I had to get everybody out
They needed to know
“You can do this girl,” I said
I walked out and Ricky was right there. He was watching me.
“Please Rhonda,” he said
“If you don’t do anything, I will”
“Please don’t”
“I’m sorry,” I said, “but if you were in my shoes, you’d do the same”
He then grabbed me and slammed me against the wall.
He had changed.
I looked down and he revealed a knife.
“Not one word,” he told