I don’t know about you, but I have no real fears in life. Big spiders, snakes, rats or any other creature alive or dead don’t make me fearful. Ghosts and hauntings I ignore as the imaginations of a febrile mind and I have no Fear of flying or swimming… so long as the sea isn’t too deep. Despite breaking seven ribs last year I have no fear of falling or something falling onto me. Nope, no fear here my dear.

However, I do have one thing  that is troubling me. And no, it isn’t a fear of dying or being sent to hell or anywhere else. My fear is dying and then waking up in a coffin eight feet under. That is something that haunts me and keeps me awake at night sometimes.

You see here in Cyprus there is nowhere to go to be cremated, unless you’re a dog or cat. Pets can be cremated but people cannot. There are no human crematoriums in Cyprus. So, I’ve given my wife three options. Inject me with enough drugs to kill me after I am declared dead by a doctor. Ship my Body to England to be cremated or pay to put my body on top of a very large rocket and shoot me into space.

But wait, there is now a fourth option, if you happen to live in Washington State in the USA. You can have you body composted. Now, as an avid composter myself, that to me is a great option. Apparently it take 30 days to recompose a body and saves a tonne of carbon. Maybe I can come back in the form of a fruit tree, assuming my wife uses my compost wisely and doesn’t throw it on a weed patch. So, now all I have to do is find a way of getting my body from Cyprus to the United States before it starts to rot.

I think I also need to find something to occupy my mind at night, especially just before I go to bed!

Copyright © Tom Kane 2020

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