If you must use Peanut Butter, it is best to smear it over a piece of toast rather than your testicles, as this cautionary tale shows.

A 22-year-old-man, unnamed, was found lying in a pool of blood in his flat in Haddington in East Lothian, Scotland. He was found to have what police described as a “significant injury to his groin area” and an English bulldog called Biggie, apparently named after the rapper Biggie Smalls, nearby with a satisfied grin over its chops.

On further investigation, the man was found to have smeared Peanut butter on his genitals and Biggie presumably felt that a meal of meat and two veg with added condiment too much to resist.

The dog was put down, the man put into an induced coma for several days but, alas, his genitalia were not recovered for re-attachment.

Bet he won’t do that again!