9:31pm

I barely have time for myself these days. It's been a battling 3 weeks, where I drag my weary little feet to work each day praying I could be early for once. Well, there has been progress, with the "help" of Lucifer aka Lucy's razor sharp devilish looking fangs nibbling onto my hands and feet to the point where I had meltdown several times this week. Again, I can assure you that I too have no idea what causes me to make such a bold decision of having a new pet. Perhaps it was money that motivated everything, or maybe I had really gone about acting without thinking of consequences.

There, the consequences. Sleepless nights and extremely bitterish behaviour catching up on me. Even smoking had made me extremely conscious about my surroundings. Though I ought to applaud myself for the paranoia of everything. Googling answers away whenever the cat does something out of the norm.

I have been thinking.. I'm not sure if the lack of appetite constitutes it, or the commencement of a new job, or growing tension from having a new cat or developing the sense of urgency and eagerness to make Lucy and Kokoro bond together. But I have been feeling.. these days. And it's uncommon for Jennifer to develop such "behaviour" given the fact that I am not supposed to feel. But of course, I feel so tired to the point of ending my life right now, and witnessing that stubborn God-knows-how-she-was-found cat constantly nibbling/biting painfully on my limbs makes me so mad. I wanna strangle her real bad, but I will not and cannot. 

There was the thought of having this love-hate relationship between us.Something triggered this feeling before. A week ago, I received a spam call from an unknown dialer. Curious, I returned the call and the responder is a Malay woman with minimal vocab articulation. She kept voicing the words "cat", "adopt?", "can I take care", "so can I adopt a cat". Initially I explained that I have decided to adopt her and Lucy is under my care forever. Tensions grow between the two of us when she kept expressing interest in "adopting the cat". Thinking that she might be the advertiser whom posted on FB seeking fosterer for the then strayed Lucy and want it back, I hanged up the call immediately and anxiously texted my friends.

I remembered that I was actually anxious and afraid for the fact that someone demanded me to return the cat. Without checking for facts.  My face was bloodshot with tears almost streaming and my heart palpitated to the point of a possible heart attack situation. Then she called again, this time about an advert on Carousell posted by me. Soon the doubts cleared and it was all a misunderstanding, turns out I posted an ad online searching for cat boarding services for my upcoming trip.

Astonishing story. Lesson learnt: Never assume anything more or less without undergoing further clarification within party. Of course, Mom taunted me for being so unnecessary and I simply dismiss by reminding her that this is how most mother feel when they think someone is endangering their child. Well, technically not mine but I felt the given need to care for her.

Perhaps adopting Lucy was really an act on impulse?

Kokoro has been with the family for 10 years. I was young and clueless, all I wanted was a puppy to play with. We had an on and off relationship during these years and I reckon that the older I become, the more comprehensive I become? As in, growing to somehow understand what it means by responsibility and taking care of the dog.

Anyway side track. Kokoro is extremely senior with suspecting cataract in both of her eyes, as well as possible knee problem. Ever since Lucy joined, she can't stop following/chasing the cat. While Kokoro may feel slight jealously and discomfort with a domineering breed, she couldn't distinguish between playing and defending. At times, when Kokoro had followed too closely into Lucy, Lucy tends to strike her right paw in midst of defending herself. Then Kokoro had the wrong idea, she thinks they are ready to play and began wagging her tail like a 6 year old again.

On and off, the love-hate battle between the both of them are occasionally annoying yet adorable. Bedtime are the best because the two snuggle up with their own belongings, respecting each's personal spaces and boundaries. This week, Lucy has been kind enough to snuggle beside Kokoro, face facing her butt.

I guess.. I made a certain choice and I have to commit to the task. I just pray enough for the two to be bonded one day..