8.36pm

I never understood the judging a Book by its cover sentence, of course it's easy to explain in detail what that's about, but to put it in action? Yeah I guess not. I did another bad thing today, god might have punished me for the misjudgement and I felt it. Really, I'm trying hard to be a better person in terms of attitude and behaviour, yet here I am, counting my sins and mistakes, hoping that god could forgive me each time.

When I proposed about going bangkok, they said it wasn't a good idea, and still isn't. I had to travel once to come across something I never had at home. That is the comfort, overwatch, family, friends and shelter. I reckon I'll be afraid of living outdoors, but oh mighty lord, I have wept so much these days in my mind that it's flooded with watery thoughts. Watery as in unnecessary fear and misjudgment, I knew it's excessive. But under the circumstances where I have nothing else to commit, thinking serves a huge problem.

Worst case scenario of a wrong justification, they may think I've been stealing purses to satisfy my money cravings, I dont know, been speaking to them with regards to my undecided plan of travelling. They said no. I obliged. Another scene might be close to drug busting, which happened today when I asked mom about my skipping ropes. She instead found my passport only to mistake it as a purse. Hence proven my previous sentences was correct. "Is that a purse?" She called at me. I quickly grabbed it and slammed it into my nearest bag. I claimed it as a book of secrets, which she thought its a bank account book. Looking guilty yet feeling a sense of uneasiness grease in my mind.

Look with regards to this passport busting, it can't be happening. Least not till I returned from singapore with a bag of souvenirs screaming thai words. I don't mind the punishement but it has to happen after everything I've worked hard on.

But all in all, I Chose to conceal the lie. Therefore I chose to be scared.