When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, they are pretty much universal. Lose weight? Typical. Hit the gym every day? Boring. Eat healthier? Blah. Stop watching reality television? Seriously, why??!! And also, by the end of January, you've pretty much forgotten your resolutions and are eating chocolate chip cookies while watching Survivor saying to yourself, “I will go to the gym tomorrow…maybe.”
However, this year I’ve made resolutions based on my life. I’m so passionate about these resolutions that they have to stick. Here’s my plan for 2015:
Sleep More. Because sometimes I’m lazy and sleep is awesome.
Dance to Thriller. Last winter, on an afternoon when I bored and snowed in, I taught myself this dance by the Brady Bunch:
This year my goal is to learn the flash-mob-style-dance complete with zombie moves to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” Anyone with me?
Be Less Snarky. Just kidding. A day without snark is like a day without breathing.
Avoid Going With the Flow. I enjoy being a contrarian. Most of the time, it serves me well. As soon as everyone is talking about it – whatever “it” is – it becomes dead to me.
For example, my Benedict Cumberbatch obsession from a few years ago. Now that everyone else thinks he's hot stuff, I find him kind of meh.
Not Grow Up. I'm almost 50 years old and getting tired of hearing about what I can and can’t do at a certain age. So f*&^ it. I’m not growing up.
Stop Worrying So Much About My Parenting. I've got a child who is 21 years old. It’s safe to say that a good 90 percent of what he’s doing is out of my hands.
Continue to Ignore Pinterest. Yes, Pinterest, the black hole of wasted time. I signed up for a Pinterest account in 2011 and the first time I logged in I spent hours browsing sites, picking the perfect board names and pinning pictures of a me I longed to be.
And when the day was over and I logged off, I felt absolutely terrible about all the time I wasted. In vowed never to log on again, unless it was to occasionally promote a few articles I’ve written.
Quit Leaving the Best Piece of Pizza For Someone Else. I bought it, I’m eating it.
Stop Eating in My Car. There are bits of granola bars and old French fries stuck between the seats, empty water bottles rattling around on the floor and numerous gloves, hats and umbrellas piled in the back seat. There is also a little bit of an odor. I can’t even blame the mess on having kids since mine has his own car.
Be More Disney-like. This Christmas, my family spent a week on a Disney Cruise and it was awesome. Part of what made it so awesome was how nice everyone was. When you passed a Disney Employee in the hallway -- or anyone for that matter -- they always smiled and said hello or “How are you?”
Back home I was shocked on my first outing when I smiled and said hello to a grocery store employee and they didn't smile back. WTH?! I don’t care how much you may dislike Disney, they’re truly doing something right by encouraging their employees to be so pleasant. We should all go out of our way to be nicer to one another all the time. Forced kindness is a heck of a lot better than intentional nastiness.
Stop Loving Bacon. I loved bacon before it was cool to love bacon and thought I would continue to love it until the end of time. And then I got a kidney stone and had to eat a low sodium diet. And then I also started working out with a personal trainer who is staunchly anti-bacon. Hello 2015! Bye bye smokey, salty goodness!
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