Resident Evil 7 has been out for a while now, which means we’ve all played it way too many times already. Unfortunately, the next DLC only comes out later this year. In the meantime, we’re left tragically devoid of Resident Evil goodness in our lives. Which leaves us with nothing to do but dream up scenarios where we’re lucky enough to date women like Ada or Jill.

Disclaimer: Entirely wishful thinking on our part.

(Also, they’re fictional characters. Just a reminder.)

Ada Wong

Cool, mysterious, and elegant, you never know where you stand with Ada. Actually, I’m pretty sure nobody knows where they stand with Ada. Throughout the series, she’s been ambiguous in her motivations, to put it lightly. Is she out to sabotage Umbrella? Is she Wesker’s ally, or not? It’s all very confusing.

What’s not confusing is how badass and attractive she is. Sure, it would be mildly terrifying to have all that cool competence focused on you, even if it’s in a more domestic context, but….Worth. It. She would be the kind of girlfriend who would make you want to be a better person than you already are. Seriously, imagine if you went out on a date with her, and you accidentally wore a shirt that’s too sloppy. Imagine the way she’d look you up and down, with that faint smile on her face never changing.

I don’t know about you, but I’d travel all the way back home just to change my shirt. Even if she never said anything.

Best part about dating her? When she lets her guard down enough to run her fingers fondly through your hair, or gives you a genuine smile, you know it’s heartfelt

Downside to dating her? She probably has a thing for Leon, going by their history. That’s some hard competition right there.

Claire Redfield

Badass motorcycle babe alert! While technically a civilian, Claire is more than able to hold her own next to the other military-trained characters. She’s great with kids, rides motorcycles, and is incredibly compassionate. Ideal girlfriend, much?

Dating her would kinda be like dating a hurricane… probably. For all her great qualities, she’s rather hot-tempered and stubborn, as evidenced by how far she goes to track Chris down. At the tender age of 19, no less! It would be easy to get caught-up in her energy, probably less easy to persuade her not to punch out that drunkard at the bar who’s catcalling women left and right.

Best part about dating her? If you ever want to just chill with some wings and beer, she’s totally down for it!

Downside to dating her? She has an older brother who can definitely kick your butt ten ways downtown and back if you ever break her heart. Not that you’d want to, right?

Helena Harper

Introduced in Resident Evil 6, Helena Harper has only made one appearance so far, but it was a pretty memorable one. Not just because of her fantastic arms, but also because of her storyline. Being manipulated by the big bad guy through a younger sister she’s protective of? It’s hard not to sympathise with that.

Helena would probably be a really straightforward, no-nonsense girlfriend. If you’re wishy-washy about where to go for dinner, she would roll her eyes, and pick a place for you both. If she thinks you’re in the wrong about something, she would call you out on it, no question.

Best part about dating her? Despite her serious demeanor, she has a surprisingly sarcastic side, and will make the most hilarious remarks with a straight face.

Downside to dating her? She tends to take on guilt, especially with her sister’s death, and what happened with the President. Also, you would never win any arm-wrestling competitions with her. Ever.

Jill Valentine

Sadly less prominent in the later games, Jill is still one of the most iconic characters in the series. Sure, she may not wear her beret all that much anymore, and her hair’s now blonde, but those chilly blue eyes of hers are very distinctive. And attractive.

Jill’s a lot more chill than most of the characters in the series, and no, that’s not a joke about how she was put into cryo-stasis for a few years. She’s a lot more calm than say, the Redfield siblings, and generally tends to be level-headed. Dating her would be super chill, but also potentially too chill. Sometimes, you might even feel that she’s not as interested as you are, which isn’t fun. Then she goes and plays the piano to serenade you, and you fall in love all over again.

Best part about dating her? She makes great sandwiches. Okay, okay, bad joke. Really though, she’s very calm and centered, and you always feel settled in her presence. It’s great.

Downsides to dating her? She underreacts to everything. That present you spent ages on? She says “thanks”, and that’s it. She appreciates it though!

Moira Burton

Everyone’s favourite potty-mouthed, crowbar wielding badass. Her job at Terrasave started out with a terrorist attack and multiple kidnappings, but she endured it all and got a pretty awesome character arc to boot. She’s upbeat and brash, but also has a sweet side, especially when it comes to kids. And hopefully you, if you’re dating her.

Dating Moira would be incredibly fun, probably. She’s adventurous, badass, and adorable. Your first date would probably be at an amusement park, and she’d make you go on all the roller coaster rides at least twice. Even the super terrifying one that makes you both throw up.

Best part about dating her? Movie nights. You guys watch the dumbest movie possible, and throw popcorn at the screen when it gets too dumb. It’s great.

Downside to dating her? Her father. Or rather, her relationship with her father. Either they’re fighting, or they’re really close, there’s no in-between.

Rebecca Chambers

It’s been a while since we last saw Rebecca, but now that Resident Evil: Vendetta is coming out later this year, there will be more of everyone’s favourite tiny rookie. Well. Rookie no more by now!

In line with the stereotype of medics being nice, Rebecca is one of the sweetest and kindest people in the series. And if she were your girlfriend, you would never need another nurse. She’s also incredibly smart, and chances are, when she gets to talking about biochemistry, you won’t be able to catch up. But that’s completely fine, because you just want to support her.

Best part about dating her? She’s the kind of girlfriend who would bring you medicine and soup when you’re sick. She’ll also stay and watch your favourite movies with you while you recover! Best girlfriend ever.

Downside to dating her? She’s always so sweet and kind, you worry that she’ll get taken advantage of.

Sherry Birkin

Despite her troubled, traumatised childhood, Sherry as a grown up is an incredibly cheerful and upbeat person. Or perhaps it’s because of her childhood. Either way, she’s sweet and cheerful, if a little too unnervingly perky sometimes. Luckily, she’s not all sunshine, because she’s not afraid to tell you off if she thinks you’re being stupid.

Dating her would be an interesting experience. She would drag you out to try all sorts of new things, and she’d always find the upside to lousy situations. Still, her job as a government agent probably means she wouldn’t be able to spend all that much time on frivolous dates with you. Sadly.

Best part about dating her? She always knows how to cheer you up, even when you’re in the worst of moods.

Downside to dating her? Well, she’s kind of got a thing going on with Jake, doesn’t she? And he doesn’t look like the kind of guy who would take kindly to someone moving in on his girl. Also, he definitely looks like the kind of guy to punch first, talk later.

Sheva Alomar

Like Helena, Sheva has only appeared in one game so far, Resident Evil 5. Her knife skills and ability to handle herself alongside veterans like Chris was impressive, to put it lightly. Also, she has a killer tattoo, so you know she’s awesome.

Sheva’s caring, but also very straightforward, as seen in the way she interacts with Chris. Dating her would probably be like dating the cool, nice girl in school. You know, the one who’s always the class president, liked by everyone, and who always has a smile for you. She’s also totally the kind of person who would drink you under the table without even trying.

Best part about dating her? She always thinks of others first, and is incredibly encouraging. Also, you see those killer arms of hers? She gives you great hugs with them.

Downside to dating her? She can be a bit too trusting and optimistic about other people. It’s both the greatest thing and most frustrating thing about her.

Bonus

If you’re wondering why we didn’t put any of the Resident Evil 7 ladies in here, it’s because they’re either married (Mia, Marguerite) or a spoiler alert grandma-slash-biochemical-weapon. Not really girlfriend material, for the most part….

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