The World has been fixated on Swine Flu for months. H1N1 has taken hold of the global community and created a debilitating fear of travel and a fervent enthusiasm for dust masks. But while our eyes were trained on any nose tickling with fear of a sneeze or a cough from across a crowded room, a war was being waged beneath our swine weary eyes. Another epidemic has been quietly besieging our friends and neighbors for decades: White Guilt.

As a non-White I have been naively unaware of this affliction. Selfishly my own Brown disease has kept me in the dark. A recent interaction with a Lighty (Could be a person of color under the right lighting condition. But is very much a White) illuminated my need for awareness around White Guilt. As I have come to understand it, White Guilt is a psychosocial contamination of exaggerated remorse felt by Vanillas. Hundreds of years of racism had a profound effect on our beloved Pale Faces. It has created an environment where Wonkies (White-Honky) feel the need to perform annoying and patronizing acts of contrition. White self-reproach takes shape in the following ways:

- The collection of as many colored friends as possible. The more People of Color (POC) you have the less racist you might be.

- Telling their Brown friends that their behavior is “so colonial.” Wackers (White-Cracker) with this disease know more about colonialism than everyone else.

- Purchases of ethnic memorabilia from their 2007 Carnival cruise to Jamaica. When travelling, those suffering with White Guilt will purchase anything ethnic. The appropriation of goods from various cultures is like applying a cool salve on an irritated burn. It makes the Whites feel better.

- Semi-erotic love of obscure Black icons. This reaction to White Guilt often develops at dinner parties. This is just the right climate for Crackies (Cracker-Whitey) to assert their above average knowledge of colored things.

- On Thursdays, White Guilt will present itself by announcing upcoming spoken word performances at events with one or more of the following words in the title: Color, Black, Gay and Lesbian, People of, Fight, Power, Fist, Rise.

Honkers (Honkey-Cracker) will also claim that EVERYTHING we have is because of Black people. This is flattering and possibly true to some extent. Here is a partial list of the contributions of Black folks:

- Barak Obama

- Peanuts

- Jazz Music

- Rhythm

- Elevators

- Traffic Signals

- Refrigerators

- The Electric Trolley

But Whites have also given us many wonderful things:

- Barak Obama

- Telephones

- Capitalism

In bringing awareness to White Guilt I hope to empower Wonkies (Whitey-Honkey) to realize that they don’t need to prostrate themselves at the feet of POC for the sins of their ancestors. Don’t flagellate yourself for the misdeeds of your predecessors. Simply recognize that your color is your power. It doesn’t matter how many Black babies you take pictures with or how many times you’ve seen Amandala! Your Whiteness automatically means privilege. You can’t run from it and you can’t make reparations for it. Simply except your power and your place in this world. Don’t shrink from it. Like the famous speech from Nelson Mandela which I’m sure you’ve posted in a frame on your wall, “…as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” Let your white, rhythm-less, liberally educated, Civil Right’s lovin’ light shine! Help your colored counterparts shine too. Let’s all shine together in one big shiny thing.

In conclusion, my Crackery brothers and sisters, don’t hate yourselves for your honkiness. You are yourselves wonderful. You see how the world has treated those without and you tireless seek to annoy others with this very obvious fact. You’re educated and loving and don’t want to hurt others. All us POC’s out there appreciate how tenderly you tread through this world. You can relax a little bit. Take a breath. We aren’t going to call Al Sharpton to picket your house.