As nearly 15% of couples report that they live in sexless marriages, it’s not always a conscious decision but a breakdown in Communication. Many of the most common sex problems in marriage stem from lack of communication. Whether you’re not talking at all or not talking about the right things, you need to resolve this if you want to resolve your sex stalemate.

Here are five problems caused by a failure to communicate.

1. Sex Drives Feel Mismatched

While there are lots of cultural stereotypes talking about how much more interested in sex one gender might be, there’s no scientific evidence to prove this. Two people of the same gender can have mismatched sex drives just like people in heterosexual relationships. Sex drive has a little to do with biology but isn’t directly linked to your parts.

Sex drive can have a lot to do with how you get your Partner in the mood. If you’re more interested in sex than your partner is or vice versa, it’s not like you’re not attracted to one another. It’s that you haven’t worked out how to keep things balanced.

If you really feel that your partner doesn’t want sex, read more here.

One partner might need a lot more foreplay or preparation. Another might need spontaneity. This kind of situation is only as doomed as you allow it to be, because communication could fix everything.

By talking through what is driving one person’s arousal and what is limiting the other’s, you can dig down to an understanding of how to meet in the middle.

2. No Sex Means No Communication

When you’re not having any sex at all, it’s usually a fair indication that you’re not communicating well. If you’re not having any sex, then you’ve let your communication get away from you. You need to repair the communication and you’ll find that the sex will follow.

While a sexless marriage is a fear of most people who agree to nuptials, it’s not one that many will talk about. If you don’t talk about this in advance, you’re doomed to fall into the trap. If you don’t spend time talking about how to communicate better with one another, lack of sex could be the unfortunate end result of your negligence.

You can’t force sex, intimacy, or conversation, but you can work on eliminating roadblocks and improving communication. When you have an open discourse, you’ll have a more open sex life.

3. Passion Comes From Action and Words

When you’re seeking out a passionate relationship, you know that it comes from a combination of what you say and what you do. When you want to show your partner that you’re passionate about them, that’s a part of communication. Bad communicators can’t have passionate relationships because they leave partners in the dark.

Passion requires two people to communicate. If one person feels strongly about the other, the other person has to be listening and attentive. They need to respond in a way that feels appropriate to the amount of passion the first person displayed. 

If you don’t feel like your relationship is as passionate as it once was, then you need to start by fixing communication. Rose petals, a getaway, or a bottle of wine can be nice but they’re mostly just novelty. If you don’t introduce a permanent change to how you communicate, you might never get to that passion that you’re seeking.

Sometimes just a little sexting will do.

4. Fantasies are Important

It’s very common for two people to come together with very different sexual fantasies. While it’s important to be able to share your fantasies with your partner, many people don’t out of fear of being judged. When you could be judged for the fantasies that you have, you might clam up and fail to enjoy sex as much as you should.

Sexual fantasies are important because they allow us to explore a variety of different ways to enjoy our lovers. No matter how afraid we are to share them, we need to be in a relationship where they’re welcome. When they don’t feel welcome, we limit our own experience for the sake of the other person.

If you don’t know whether or not your partner would be open to what you’re interested in, you have to ask. If you do know and they’re not, don’t let that turn you silent. You need to tell your partner that it’s important for you to get pleasure out of sex and if you can’t pursue your fantasy, you won’t get what you need.

Even if you don’t need that every time, no one should get in the way of exploring a safe and legal fantasy.

5. Sometimes You Need a Third

As sex and dating norms have changed in recent years, more people are pursuing open relationships than ever before. Some people start their relationships off as open and then become exclusive. Other relationships begin as exclusive but after some time turn to something more open.

There’s no model that’s perfect for everyone but if you can’t even talk about it, then you might be left wondering. Rather than wonder if you’d like it or whether your partner would, bring it up.

Talk it through and it could be an absolute no from both of you. You could both be enthusiastic about it and find that it’s just what you needed. Either way, the conversation could lead you to the next useful place in your relationship.

Sex Problems in Marriage Are Fixable

If you’re struggling with sex problems in marriage, all is not lost. Most of the problems you face can be solved by communication or therapy. You could be back to your old sex life in no time.

If you’re considering marriage counseling, check out our guide to why it can work for you.