From big bad wolves to online predators, there has never been a time when the helpless children of the world have not been under threat. At least this is the Dead Parrot Defense made by parents and, in some cases, going to great, at times insane and absurd, lengths to keep their precious little darlings safe.

Time tested techniques include scaring the sillies out of the tykes with the original, Grimm versions of fairy tales, to literal leashes on littler little’uns, to equipping 12-year-olds with rape whistles and pepper-spray in more extreme cases (yes, this has actually happened). While there have been jokes and serious wishes about the Idea of implanting tracking devices on kids to keep tabs on the little darlings at all times, individual freedoms and freedom of association be damned.

Well, kids be wary and parents do happy little dances and practice your super-villain laughs, because there is now a whole new use for the GPS settings on the cellphones that are apparently given out at birth along with blankets and birth certificates.

How to build your own police state

The options available for parents keen to play amateur Stasi are increasing all the time. Not only can one keep track of the exact, map location of one’s “most precious possessions”, there is also the golden opportunity to see what apps have been downloaded and are being used on their phone, and with the press of a button, block anything you do no like the look of, even if you have no idea what it actually is. A power over Internet use that Vladimir Putin can only wet-dream about.

A helping iron fist and the GPS child tracker

A bit tech illiterate? Just got into this whole Gmail thing? Would not know a web-server from a serving tray? Fear not for there is a myriad of websites just aching to help you act like the second-coming of Stalin. Just type “GPS child tracker” into your favorite search engine and you will be met with dozens of ads, business pages and articles about the best ways to track, control and otherwise dominate your offspring.

For every state a resistance

There is, as there has ever been, one small but significant factor being completely overlooked in all the excitement about potential, perpetual parental supervision via new technology. Kids born during or after the rise of the internet, what author Marc Prensky calls “digital natives”, are the most tech savvy in recorded history.

They know full well that GPS location systems can be used to track them, just as they know exactly who to turn it off and keep the phone operational for use online and phone calls. Or if they do not know, they will have a friend who does. This will make all such attempts at monitoring and control futile, a key flaw of all the available GPS monitoring software is that the GPS on the targeted phone needs to be turned on.

On balance

Just to play overlord’s advocate for a moment, it should be noted that there are cases in which GPS locating might be legitimate and even save lives. If one’s loved one has a chronic condition that could come up at any time regardless of their age, such as Type I diabetes or a heart condition for example, it may well be a good idea to be able to know where they are.

Or if one’s children are very young and have a tendency to wander off in public places. Putting a GPS enabled device on them could make them a lot easier to find and would be a lot less dehumanizing than the infamous baby leash.