When I sat down at my desk this Morning, I briefly checked Cricinfo to see if anything interesting had happened in the Cricket world. Maybe Giles Clarke had decided to identify as a woman after being deeply moved by yesterdays Suffragette celebrations?

What I found was considerably less interesting. England were playing a T20 against Australia. I have to admit that my heart sank. “Oh hell. I’d forgotten about that. Now I’ve got to write another bloody match report … and I haven’t even watched the game this time”.

Am I the only one who is completely and utterly fatigued by this tour? I suspect I’m not. TFT traffic is half what it was during the Ashes – thus enabling me to have a much needed break – and I doubt anyone (even a significant proportion of the players) give a flying frick about this tri-series.

But I guess we shouldn’t feel too sorry for ourselves for having to endure yet another utterly meaningless white ball series. Just think about poor Dawid Malan. He’s been away from home for about three and a half months. He probably can’t remember what his family looks like. Thank heavens they had the sense to let Joe Root go home a bit early.

I apologise if this seems like another go at T20. I quite like the game, purely as a bit of light relief now and again, so I don’t have a problem with these series in general. What I object to is the sheer volume of T20 and international cricket in general these days. We’ve just had the Big Bash and the IPL auction for heaven sake. We’re all too tired to watch more of the same. I think I might spontaneously combust once the IPL starts in a few week’s time. Arrrrgggghhhh.

What exasperates me is that administrators don’t seem to realise (or simply don’t care) that the more you have of something, the less special it becomes. If you eat fillet steak for dinner every night, you probably start craving beans on toast after a while. Or maybe your appetite goes completely and you just want a cup of Horlicks and an early night?

Of course, none of this is too much of a problem if you can simply tune out T20 and have a breather. Unfortunately however, this blog is supposed to be about the England cricket team. Therefore I can’t morally let a game pass without commenting on it in some way. So here goes. Excuse me if it seems like the most half-arsed match report of all time …

England 155-9. Australia 161-5.

Two teams took the field. One of them wore horrible red shirts. The other wore canary yellow. The one in red batted first, hit a few boundaries, but then lost too many wickets and could only scrape 155.

The team in yellow then decided to have a bat. They chased the runs pretty easily – probably because the red team picked blokes like Chris Jordan – and the capacity crowd of easily entertained and probably half-cut Aussies seemed pleased. Although they probably won’t remember the result in the morning.

Man of the match was some poser with the least tasteful beard I’ve even seen. He looked a mess. However, his batting was apparently quite impressive. Well done him.

Can I get back to work now, please?

James Morgan

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