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Week Two Status Update

Tags: football

So, Week Two of the season has ended and people are actually asking me for a status report, which is very flattering.

Let me first say that the season began just in time for this blog to survive. I had a very rough summer; if it had been rough and interesting in a way that was funny, I might take up the space to regale you with hilarious tales. As it is, it was rough in a way that my husband has been able to make funny. As for me, have you ever seen a cat that has been systematically tormented by children for so long that it twitches all the time and it starts trying to eat its own tail and all of its fur falls out in strange ways? That's how I feel when I look back on this past July and August, and I've spent the last three weeks just trying to smooth out my metaphorical fur, so I'd rather not write about it. In a year, maybe, I'll tell about the terrible play I was in with an asshole costar, and the sixty-hour work weeks, and it will be delightfully amusing because it won't be actually happening.

So lately thinking about football, which does not come naturally to me, has not been as high on my list of priorities as taking naps and enjoying days when I don't have to go to work (in the month of August I only had two days off, and they were because I was forced to call in sick due to injury). Nobody discovered my brilliantly hilarious early entries and offered me a book deal, so I was ready to just quietly let it go. But football season was just starting, and fortunately I had enough real football fans around me (read: boys) to keep the dream alive, though admittedly anemic and feeble.

So here's how we're doing: I love my fantasy football team. I love it. I am proving to my husband's friends week by week that you can put together a team of guys with silly names, and refuse to draft any player with a girlfriend you don't like, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a complete embarrassment when it comes to the scores. You will almost certainly not win, I certainly haven't, but Chad Ochocinco and Knowshon Moreno are doing very well so far, and Golden Tate is making a nice showing as well, whereas Reggie Bush (who used to date Kim Kardashian), was not only shamed into returning his Heisman Trophy this past week, but was also injured in the Monday Night Game and will be out for at least six weeks, so maybe Lousaka Polite wasn't such a bad pick after all. Manners are never overrated. I will have to drop Chris Cooper, though. He's been so busy giving a powerhouse performance in The Town that he hasn't even been playing. I should have learned by now that people named Cooper don't ever really play.

I like watching football more than I used to, but I like it more with other people. I think this might prove that I'm not a real fan yet—I know more than one guy who has to watch his team play without anyone else around, so that he won't be distracted from thinking as hard as he can at the television to help his team win. I still watch the game like I'm at a baby race—I don't care about the score so much, I just get really happy whenever I see someone running the direction they're supposed to go.

I didn't get to watch a lot of football this weekend, but here are some things that I learned just from Week Two: Peyton Manning can beat Eli Manning, even though Eli is the one with the most recent Super Bowl ring. In the fight of brother against brother, the South has triumphed against the North. Randy Moss can catch a football with one hand. And the Denver Broncos have an attractive retro argyle pattern in their end zone, so if they ever make an episode of Mad Men where somebody needs to go to a football game, they could totally do it in Denver.



This post first appeared on Writing The Bench, please read the originial post: here

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Week Two Status Update

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