Day 1 of the NFL Draft has passed, which means that right now, NFL fans around the world are now either installing their new quarterback into the Hall of Fame, or calling him a Ryan Leaf-like failure. In the same way as with American politics, there is no middle-of-the-road.
So here are some hot takes from the first round of the NFL Draft....
1. Baker Mayfield (QB, Cleveland Browns): A) It would have been more fun if he'd answered the call just after snorted a line or two of cocaine with a red solo cup in hand, but that was never going to happen to such a goody-goody like Lil' Baker. B) He's a fine quarterback if he's in a good system. C) He should be prepared to learn from Tyrod Taylor, who's not exactly a terrible QB himself. D) There's a cool story walk on-to-Heisman-to-No.1 pick, too. E) Mayfield has learned about tackling from the Fayetteville police. F) Is Mayfield going to be Johnny Manziel II?
2. Saquon Barkley (RB, New York Giants): WE ARE! PENN STATE!
3. Sam Darnold (QB, New York Jets): Darnold was pretty good at fumbling the ball. The Jets better have a good O-Line. Oh.....they don't.
4. Denzel Ward (CB, Cleveland Browns): In the words of Baker Mayfield just after getting nabbed for public intoxication;"I'M DONE! I'M DONE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?". HOW IN GOD'S EARTH DID THEY THINK THAT WARD WAS A BETTER SECONDARY PLAYER THAN MINKAH FITZPATRICK, THE BEST CB IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL LAST YEAR?
5. Bradley Chubb (DE, Denver Broncos): Von Miller and Bradley Chubb on the edge. That's scary. Denver offense? Not so scary.
6. Quenton Nelson (OT, Indianapolis): The best offensive linesman in the draft goes to Indianapolis to try and save Andrew Luck's career. In July, Luck will blow out his knee buying a Coke from his local pizzeria.
7. Josh Allen (QB, Buffalo): Buffalo need to continue a great trend that they had started nicely with Nathan Peterman, so this is a great pick. Josh Allen isn't great at throwing to receivers either. If this continues, Bills Mafia might be using the GM to break their tables.
8. Roquan Smith (LB, Chicago): One of the best defensive players in college football. Strong pick.
9. Mike McGlinchey (OT, San Francisco): The experts reckon he'll be good enough to help Jimmy Garroppolo's career. I'll go with it, because I'd never heard of him until Thursday (excuse my ignorance, but hey, at least I'm owning up to it!).
10. Josh Rosen (QB, Arizona Cardinals): He'll be starting Week 5 after the inevitable Sam Bradford injury. Oh, and he's pissed about getting picked so low. We also think the Rosen-to-Larry Fitzgerald partnership could keep Fitz in the league for a couple more seasons. We hope.
11. Minkah Fitzpatrick (CB, Miami Dolphins): GREAT PICK FROM THE FINS!
12. Vita Vea (DT, Tampa Bay Buccaneers): A lot of 'experts' didn't seem to understand Vea getting picked here. How about this? Because he's a beast. I get the criticism about Tampa Bay needing a CB to stop Cam Newton, Matt Ryan and Drew Brees, but then again, all aforementioned three teams have pretty solid running games, too.
13. Da'ron Payne (DT, Washington Redskins): Heck, if he's crappy at the DT job, he'll probably turn out to be the best WR on the Redskins.
14. Marcus Davenport (DE, New Orleans):The Saints traded up for a guy who could have been available on Day 2? A quick insight into how Saints fans must be feeling...
15. Kolton Miller (OT, Oakland Raiders): "We drafted a guy called Kolton?" - Oakland fans
16. Tremaine Edmunds (LB, Buffalo Bills): He's not even 20, so he could be a superstar by 25. Unlike Josh Allen, who'll probably be out of the league.
17. Derwin James (S, Los Angeles Chargers): The Chargers can't believe how lucky they got drafting such a good CB this low in the draft. Sure, James wasn't as good at Florida State without Jalen Ramsey playing with him, but then again, Florida State was a joke last year.
18. Jaire Alexander (CB, Green Bay Packers): HE WAS THE ONLY DAMN PLAYER IN THE FIRST ROUND NOT TO DO THE 'COOL, CALM AND COLLECTED LOOK'. (Quick criticism: The only thing missing from his repertoire was a reenactment of Riverdance).
19. Leighton Van Der Esch (LB, Dallas Cowboys): The cameras showed a round of applause when Jerry Jones made his 'mystery' decision, and everyone in the Cowboys front office was smiling. If they hadn't been smiling, Jerry would have hung them from the big TV screen. Oh, and 'The Esch Man' (that's 'Easy-Esch' to his friends, or in the UK 'SP-ESCH') will have a good tutor in Sean Lee.
20. Frank Raganow (C, Detroit Lions): THE LIONS GOT THOR RAGANORK. Or a centre from Arkansas.
21. Billy Price (C, Cincinnati Bengals): Cincinnati follows Cleveland with the 'keep the dudes in Ohio'. This dude is a centre from Ohio State, and he's a moveable feast along the O-Line.
22. Rashaan Evans (LB, Tennessee Titans): Thought 1: Evans came on strong last year, so this is a great pick. Thought 2: IN A FEW YEARS' TIME THIS WILL BE THE NICK SABAN-F-L DRAFT.
23. Isaiah Wynn (G, New England Patriots): Another dude to help Tom Brady getting killed.
24. DJ Moore (WR, Carolina Panthers): Think Steve Smith, without the mouth.
25. Hayden Hurst (TE, Baltimore Ravens): We honestly think Mike Gesicki's a better pass-catching TE, but Hurst can block. Gesicki can't. Then again, Jimmy Graham's made a career as a non-blocking, crush-your-matchup TE.
26. Calvin Ridley (WR, Atlanta Falcons):Falcons will see another skilled wide receiver get the ball who's not Julio Jones (Cue Matt Ryan celebration meme)!
27. Rashaad Penny (RB, Seattle Seahawks):The pick was truly a Trump one (Either you loved it or you hated it). We love Penny's speed, and the fact that he destroyed one of college football's better defenses in Stanford last season. But there were better RBs out there.
28. Terrell Edmunds (LB, Pittsburgh Steelers): Well, the Steelers need at least one OK defensive player for the future...
29. Taven Bryan (Jacksonville Jaguars): Bryan didn't shine out for Florida last year. But then, no-one shone out for Florida last year. Because Florida sucked.
30. Mike Hughes (CB, Minnesota Vikings): Excuse my ignorance, but who is this Mike Hughes chappie again?
31. Sony Michel (RB, New England Patriots): Sony Michel is a lucky guy. After a good QB trio of Aaron Murray, Jacob Eason and Jake Fromm, the speedy rusher (who can also catch a pass) gets some dude called Tom Brady, who's got a supermodel wife called Gisele, if you hadn't heard.
32. LeMar Jackson (QB, Baltimore Ravens): We're still trying to work out how Jackson dropped this low. Steelers, Browns and Bengals fans suddenly look less smug.
So here are some hot takes from the first round of the NFL Draft....
1. Baker Mayfield (QB, Cleveland Browns): A) It would have been more fun if he'd answered the call just after snorted a line or two of cocaine with a red solo cup in hand, but that was never going to happen to such a goody-goody like Lil' Baker. B) He's a fine quarterback if he's in a good system. C) He should be prepared to learn from Tyrod Taylor, who's not exactly a terrible QB himself. D) There's a cool story walk on-to-Heisman-to-No.1 pick, too. E) Mayfield has learned about tackling from the Fayetteville police. F) Is Mayfield going to be Johnny Manziel II?
2. Saquon Barkley (RB, New York Giants): WE ARE! PENN STATE!
3. Sam Darnold (QB, New York Jets): Darnold was pretty good at fumbling the ball. The Jets better have a good O-Line. Oh.....they don't.
4. Denzel Ward (CB, Cleveland Browns): In the words of Baker Mayfield just after getting nabbed for public intoxication;"I'M DONE! I'M DONE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?". HOW IN GOD'S EARTH DID THEY THINK THAT WARD WAS A BETTER SECONDARY PLAYER THAN MINKAH FITZPATRICK, THE BEST CB IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL LAST YEAR?
5. Bradley Chubb (DE, Denver Broncos): Von Miller and Bradley Chubb on the edge. That's scary. Denver offense? Not so scary.
6. Quenton Nelson (OT, Indianapolis): The best offensive linesman in the draft goes to Indianapolis to try and save Andrew Luck's career. In July, Luck will blow out his knee buying a Coke from his local pizzeria.
7. Josh Allen (QB, Buffalo): Buffalo need to continue a great trend that they had started nicely with Nathan Peterman, so this is a great pick. Josh Allen isn't great at throwing to receivers either. If this continues, Bills Mafia might be using the GM to break their tables.
8. Roquan Smith (LB, Chicago): One of the best defensive players in college football. Strong pick.
9. Mike McGlinchey (OT, San Francisco): The experts reckon he'll be good enough to help Jimmy Garroppolo's career. I'll go with it, because I'd never heard of him until Thursday (excuse my ignorance, but hey, at least I'm owning up to it!).
10. Josh Rosen (QB, Arizona Cardinals): He'll be starting Week 5 after the inevitable Sam Bradford injury. Oh, and he's pissed about getting picked so low. We also think the Rosen-to-Larry Fitzgerald partnership could keep Fitz in the league for a couple more seasons. We hope.
11. Minkah Fitzpatrick (CB, Miami Dolphins): GREAT PICK FROM THE FINS!
12. Vita Vea (DT, Tampa Bay Buccaneers): A lot of 'experts' didn't seem to understand Vea getting picked here. How about this? Because he's a beast. I get the criticism about Tampa Bay needing a CB to stop Cam Newton, Matt Ryan and Drew Brees, but then again, all aforementioned three teams have pretty solid running games, too.
13. Da'ron Payne (DT, Washington Redskins): Heck, if he's crappy at the DT job, he'll probably turn out to be the best WR on the Redskins.
14. Marcus Davenport (DE, New Orleans):The Saints traded up for a guy who could have been available on Day 2? A quick insight into how Saints fans must be feeling...
15. Kolton Miller (OT, Oakland Raiders): "We drafted a guy called Kolton?" - Oakland fans
16. Tremaine Edmunds (LB, Buffalo Bills): He's not even 20, so he could be a superstar by 25. Unlike Josh Allen, who'll probably be out of the league.
17. Derwin James (S, Los Angeles Chargers): The Chargers can't believe how lucky they got drafting such a good CB this low in the draft. Sure, James wasn't as good at Florida State without Jalen Ramsey playing with him, but then again, Florida State was a joke last year.
18. Jaire Alexander (CB, Green Bay Packers): HE WAS THE ONLY DAMN PLAYER IN THE FIRST ROUND NOT TO DO THE 'COOL, CALM AND COLLECTED LOOK'. (Quick criticism: The only thing missing from his repertoire was a reenactment of Riverdance).
19. Leighton Van Der Esch (LB, Dallas Cowboys): The cameras showed a round of applause when Jerry Jones made his 'mystery' decision, and everyone in the Cowboys front office was smiling. If they hadn't been smiling, Jerry would have hung them from the big TV screen. Oh, and 'The Esch Man' (that's 'Easy-Esch' to his friends, or in the UK 'SP-ESCH') will have a good tutor in Sean Lee.
20. Frank Raganow (C, Detroit Lions): THE LIONS GOT THOR RAGANORK. Or a centre from Arkansas.
21. Billy Price (C, Cincinnati Bengals): Cincinnati follows Cleveland with the 'keep the dudes in Ohio'. This dude is a centre from Ohio State, and he's a moveable feast along the O-Line.
22. Rashaan Evans (LB, Tennessee Titans): Thought 1: Evans came on strong last year, so this is a great pick. Thought 2: IN A FEW YEARS' TIME THIS WILL BE THE NICK SABAN-F-L DRAFT.
23. Isaiah Wynn (G, New England Patriots): Another dude to help Tom Brady getting killed.
24. DJ Moore (WR, Carolina Panthers): Think Steve Smith, without the mouth.
25. Hayden Hurst (TE, Baltimore Ravens): We honestly think Mike Gesicki's a better pass-catching TE, but Hurst can block. Gesicki can't. Then again, Jimmy Graham's made a career as a non-blocking, crush-your-matchup TE.
26. Calvin Ridley (WR, Atlanta Falcons):Falcons will see another skilled wide receiver get the ball who's not Julio Jones (Cue Matt Ryan celebration meme)!
27. Rashaad Penny (RB, Seattle Seahawks):The pick was truly a Trump one (Either you loved it or you hated it). We love Penny's speed, and the fact that he destroyed one of college football's better defenses in Stanford last season. But there were better RBs out there.
28. Terrell Edmunds (LB, Pittsburgh Steelers): Well, the Steelers need at least one OK defensive player for the future...
29. Taven Bryan (Jacksonville Jaguars): Bryan didn't shine out for Florida last year. But then, no-one shone out for Florida last year. Because Florida sucked.
30. Mike Hughes (CB, Minnesota Vikings): Excuse my ignorance, but who is this Mike Hughes chappie again?
31. Sony Michel (RB, New England Patriots): Sony Michel is a lucky guy. After a good QB trio of Aaron Murray, Jacob Eason and Jake Fromm, the speedy rusher (who can also catch a pass) gets some dude called Tom Brady, who's got a supermodel wife called Gisele, if you hadn't heard.
32. LeMar Jackson (QB, Baltimore Ravens): We're still trying to work out how Jackson dropped this low. Steelers, Browns and Bengals fans suddenly look less smug.
