In 2012, my best friend committed suicide by jumping in front of a train.

 

A graduate student of the London School of Economics, to those close to him he was intelligent, happy and free spirited.

 

For years I’ve been trying to figure out what brought him to do such a tragic act.

 

Having suffered from serious bouts of Depression in the past, I now understand that it is the stigma and ignorance of this horrific mental illness that drove him to the edge.

 

At the time, his friends and family had little knowledge about what he was struggling with.

 

Why?

 

Like many Young Men, I believe he struggled to talk about depression out of fear of judgement.

 

This compounded suffering and feelings of isolation and he saw taking his own life as the very last resort. Here are some reasons why men don’t talk about depression:

 

Reasons Why Young Men Don’t Talk About Depression

 

Fear Of Bringing Everyone Down

 

There is a common misconception that depression always has a trigger. However, it can strike at any moment and often for no particular reason.

 

Modern studies show depression can be caused by a range of factors, from genetic vulnerability, stressful life events, medications, and medical problems. And it can strike at any time.

 

You can feel perfectly fine one minute and then all of a sudden depression can completely engulf you out of nowhere.

 

This can be at parties, family events, work — there is no time or place where it cannot strike.

 

And sadly, there is never a good time for it to strike.

 

Many men feel like if they talk about it it will bring everyone down, so they hide it.

 

There is a tremendous sense of guilt thinking that you are the sole reason as to why everyone else is feeling bad.

 

Eventually, you learn to hide it. And you get good at hiding it.

 

But inside, you’re suffering — isolated, lonely and frustrated.

 

Fear Of Judgement

 

This is a big reason why men don’t talk about depression. Everyone seems to be an expert on mental illness.

 

In the past, I have struggled to mention it because there is a dangerous misconception that depression is simply ‘thinking negatively.’

 

When trying to open up about it, I have been faced with crippling comments like, “You’re not depressed,” “Cheer up,” “You need to stop living in your own head.”

 

None of these are helpful and only serve to fuel the lonliness and isolation a person suffering with depression feels.

 

Research show depression IS an illness and should be treated like one. Would you say to person suffering with the flu, “Come on, healthy up,” “You’re not ill,” or “You need to stop living in your own body”?

 

People often don’t even believe you when you try and open up because they see the act you put on in order to cover it and cannot understand why you’re sad all of a sudden.

 

But in truth, you may have been hiding it all day.

 

When it’s really bad and you can’t cover it, people assume you’re moody and end up becoming angry with you.

 

They may also see you genuinely happy and cheerful at the start of the day and not understand why you’re now feeling completely low.

 

Due to a societal lack of understanding, people often try and look at a logical reason as to why you’re depressed, rather than understanding it derives from a range of complicated factors and can be triggered at any moment.

 

They often say, “Maybe you’re just feeling down because…”

 

Let me stress this point again. Depression can strike at any point and you cannot always tell if someone is suffering.

 

Let’s take the infamous case of Linkin Park’s lead singer, Chester Bennington. This video went viral, showing him happy and smiling just hours before he committed suicide.

 

 

This is what a man close to suicide looks like.

 

Someone suffering from depression may sometimes seem happy. They may pop their head up for a moment with a genuine laugh or a smile, but underneath is a dark murky river running that is slowly dragging them under.

 

Fear Of Seeming Weak

 

While depression can be managed by eating healthily, meditation and good communication, there are few ‘cures’ for depression.

 

Assuming the individual’s depression was triggered by a traumatic event, one option is therapy (although this can take years and can be a very painful process).

 

The other is medication for those suffering with clinical depression. This is when everything in your life is going well (you may have a good family, job and girlfriend) but you still suffer.

 

Many young men don’t seek the help they need to out of fear of seeming weak.

 

There’s a stigma and sense of shame by turning to medication, although this can save lives.

 

People must understand the thought of suggesting they want to go on medication to loved ones is a terrifying prospect.

 

They are scared of seeming weak and often family and loved ones don’t like the idea of it themselves, or play their illness down, and put them off it.

 

This only serves for them to fight a crushing battle without the necessary tools they need to help them. And again, they don’t talk about depression and feel even more lonely and isolated.

 

Do’s and Don’ts Of Helping A Loved One With Depression

 

Do listen in a non-judgemental manner. Let them do the talking and allow them to explain how they feel and the challenges they encounter day-to-day.

 

Do give them some time and space if they need it. Depression is exhausting and sometimes they will need time to ride it through a little before they can talk. However, stress you are there for them at any time if they want to talk.

 

Do offer an opportunity to talk at a time and place of their choosing. Talking about their depression is a very stressful and tiring ordeal. One that the individual must muster a lot of courage to open up about. This needs to be done in a place they feel comfortable in and also when they have the energy.

 

Do suggest they seek help of some sort from a professional and make them feel like this is okay.

 

Don’t try and offer them a simple solution or play down what they are feeling with phrases such as, “Come on. Cheer up.”

 

Don’t ever tell them they are not depressed. That’s only for a mental health professional to judge. Equally, don’t ever turn them off seeking professional help, be it therapy or medication. This could be a matter of life and death.

 

Don’t ever make them feel like a hindrance or show you’re angry or frustrated with them for bringing the mood down. They already feel extreme guilt for the bad mood they inflict on others. This will only compound their feelings of shame and loneliness.

 

 

How To Save A Life

 

I hope whoever reads this will reach more of an understanding as to why young men don’t talk about depression and eventually end up taking their own lives.

 

Also, perhaps it will give you an insight into how to help someone who is struggling from depression.

 

Fortunately, society is slowly becoming more informed about depression and the stigma is starting to break down.

 

More men on social media are reaching out and more discussions than ever are being brought to light with plights from progressive companies like Sanctus and high-profile individuals such as Prince William.

 

However, sadly for many men like my best friend, it’s too little too late.

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