It was a nice sleep without time.
No alarm to wake me, no numbered Face to greet my first eye-open. Yes, a place without time was peaceful.
Lying there I saw my future, felt it in fact.
It was based on one decision, and one decision only – to accept Christ into my life.
The lions roared.
Choose Christ first and foremost and all else coming after will be safely done, whatever I choose. And it is and will always be my decision; the places I go, the people I speak to, those I have relationships with – if Christ is the mission in my mind then all the right fragments will stick to this magnet in me.
Argh, but the Fear of life rears its ugly head.
I have come to learn that with every step taken in certainty, usually only one at a time, there are two, three – a trail! Blazed with fear. Fear of abandoning the old, ‘independent’ me and becoming reliant upon the Christ in me.
Seems every time I feel my release, my freedom, the lions chase after me, often catching and dragging me down to rip me to shreds.
Christs wants me to be strong – No, I want to be strong and choose the Christ centred way of life, Christ is already strong, it is my decision for It which is weak, lacking in tone.
I let the fear rise up inside me, I have to, it has nowhere else to go, except to make dis-ease in me. Eating, gnawing away at me all day in the pit of my stomach, so I let it out, face it, look upon it – and laugh. I am not free until I learn that what a thousand upon a thousand years of living in a body has taught me has not been the truth, but a life separated, lonely and without love.
Just now I felt a release to the moment, let’s face it, some things are just too far ahead to try and work out. And now, thanks to my belief in Christ, most things are getting that way – too far ahead to worry about and be concerned with.
Today I’ll just accept who I am and be happy. Amen.
