OK, I am officially in a tangle. Things are becoming very real, very quick.

For one thing, I had another good conversation with Mr. Passion about polyamory, basically asked him point blank, what exactly are we open to in terms of relationships with others. We pretty much agreed that neither of us is looking for someone to move in, and that we would be comfortable with someone attaining a girlfriend or boyfriend status with one of us.

Though, in his case, he said he had not been thinking about it much because it hasn't come up for him. He's really a 'cross that bridge when I come to it' kind of guy, and I'm more of a 'let's get ready for this' type of person. But, he also said that he couldn't see himself ever falling in love with anyone else but me. So, on one hand, it makes me go all butterflies, knowing he still loves me so much he can't even envision opening his heart to someone else, on the other hand, it makes me wonder whether he really knows where I am coming from.

Also, he did say in my case he thought it had already happened (me having a 'boyfriend', for lack of a better word...) and he was fine with everything, not worried, not jealous, and not threatened.

OK, so I think, good, everything is OK, and we are more or less on the same page.

(just stopping to think...damn....I am really too long-winded. Hope you are still reading...)

Anyway, in the middle of dinner out, Mr. Passion calls Alex and invites him out for a drink. He said, he figured he might just be home doing nothing, so he might as well join us.

Well, after a few drinks and much flirtation, I ask Mr. Passion if I can Alex home with us. He agrees, though...it's kind of stupid, as I had to get up at 6 AM this morning...but....I couldn't stop myself.

Mr. Passion had to stop and run a couple of errands, so Alex and I headed straight to my house, and we were naked within 10 minutes of walking through the door. Sex was a little clumsy, I'll admit, as we were both tired and had a couple of cocktails, but still...sooo good as always. He kept slipping out as I was sooo wet, and we just kept moving around. I swear there is no position our bodies could be in that he wouldn't find a way to fuck me in.

I really wanted to know how he was feeling, if it was the same as me, or just a sex thing (I mean, he is a guy, so that's what I have to assume, no matter how it feels to me). Well I am sadly inadequate at recounting conversations...but...he said it. "I love you."

Not in a hollywood drama kind of a way...more like...I like this, that, and this about you. I love you.

So, yeah. He also called me his 'girlfriend' (I had been referring to him as my 'swinger boyfriend') and expressed a bit of jealousy...as we are slated to all go to a swinger party tomorrow, he said he really would rather just be with me and not have me spend that time with others.

Oh...as to what I said when the famous 'L' word was used...well, I believe at that particular moment, I didn't say anything, but put his cock in his mouth. I am still hesistant to say it, but he did say he 'wanted to be loved'...to which I replied 'you are.'

I just can't say it back to him now, too dangerous. The whole situation is too dangerous, and I don't see a way out of it without getting really hurt. Maybe it will be the exception to the rule, but overall this is very dangerous territory and I know it. Unfortunately (or maybe not), I don't think I can turn back now, so the only thing I can do is try to be honest with everyone about it and hope for the best.

He loves me!!!!